I went to the police station today. Avery and Jamie helped me through it. I can't stop thinking about what happened now. I feel so sad and disgusting. I really wanna cut but, I know I shouldn't and can't. I don't want to have another relapse, but I also don't wanna worry anyone. It's not like I can do it even though I want to. There's like no sharp objects in the house. I just need to do this, I'll figure it out.
I got off my bed and went into the bathroom. I closed the door and opened the cabinets. The only things in there were toilet paper, sponges, and feminine products. No razors. No knives. No glass.
Glass! That's it! All I have to do is break a glass and get a piece of it.
I walk into the kitchen, Avery is sitting on a barstool on her phone, Jamie is watching TV and Amy is still in our room. I walk over to the cabinets and get a glass out. I purposely drop the glass and of course it shatters. I look at Avery who's already grabbed the broom and dust pan.
"It's ok, don't touch any of it"
I step back and let her sweep it up and put it in the trash. She goes to the bathroom to wash her hands so this is my chance.
I get two glass shards out of the thrash and put them in my pockets. Avery comes back out and I apologize again.
"It's fine Scar, are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine"
"Alright. Be more careful next time"
"Okay"
I walk back into my room and see Amy sitting on her bed reading a book.
How can I hide it if she's sitting right there? Ok I'll just put one shard under my pillow and the other I'll keep on me. I sit on my bed and put the piece of glass under my pillow.
I wanna cut now, like right now. I go back into the bathroom and close the door. There's no lock so I have to be quick. I take out the piece of glass still with me and roll up my sleeves.
"Finally" I whisper to myself as I start cutting. I cut one long streak up my arm. Red starts flowing out of it like a calm stream. I put the glass away and flush the toilet. I turn on the sink and rinse my arm. The water makes my cut sting. I love the stinging sensation I now feel going up my arm. I grab some toilet paper and wrap up my arm. I roll my sleeves back down and walk out the bathroom.
It felt so relieving to finally get all these thoughts out of my head.
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Avery's POV
"Amy, Scarlett, dinners ready" I said opening the door of their room.
Amy was doing homework and Scarlett was on her phone.
"Ok, I'll be there in a minute" Amy said
"I'm not hungry" Scarlett said
I'm worried about her. When we got back from the station she didn't say much. Then again who would? Going through all of that again. I feel so bad for having to put her through that.
"I know you don't feel like it but just eat a little something Scar"
"Do I have to?" She sighed
"I'd like you to"
"Fine"
They both got up and we headed to the kitchen. Tonight we were having franks and beans. Scarlett grabbed a spoonful of beans and sat down.
We started eating and talking, I had my attention focused on Scarlett though. Something's off, but I'm not sure what yet.
The entire time during dinner she was smiling and talking like she was happy but she was scratching the back of her neck the whole time. I don't think she realized she was doing it, she only does it when she stressed or upset. She did break that glass, is that is? Why would she still be upset about breaking a glass? Maybe I'm thinking to much into this.
After dinner we all went off to do our own separate things. I went into Scarlett and Amy's room to see Scarlett laying in bed on her phone and Amy was reading. I gave Amy a certain look and she took the hint and stepped out of the room.
I jumped onto Scarlett's bed and started talking to her.
"So, how ya feelin?"
She jumped a little at my question but looked at me smiled and said she was doing all right.
"How come you were scratching so much at dinner? Is something wrong? Your not upset about that broken glass right? Cause it wasn't important or anything"
After I mentioned the glass she stopped looking at her phone for a second before realizing she was drifting and fixing her gaze back on the screen.
"Of course not"
I laid on top of her crushing her under my weight.
"Talking might make you feel better" I said
"Get off, your crushing me!" She said laughing
I got up and waited for her to spill.
"I accidentally, well not so accidentally cut my finger on a shard of glass" She said rubbing her neck
"Slip ups happen, what matters is that you keep pushing and getting through those weak moments"
She sighed for a minute then looked up at me and smiled.
"Your right. I just have to keep going"
I know I must be paranoid now because something was off with her smile. It wasn't genuine. But she did seem kind of sad about that small relapse so it makes sense. I'm just gonna brush it off as me looking for something to be wrong with her.
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Scarlett's POV
Avery just left out my room. I feel bad having to lie to her but finally being able to cut freely is such a relief and I can't have her or anyone taking that away from me.
********
Later that Night
I woke up in the middle of the night again. I had a bad dream, it was about the time mom burned my hand.
I looked at Amy and she was fast asleep. I took out the glass shard and cut a few times. Then a few more, and then a few more. When I was done I realized my whole arm was bleeding and about to start dripping blood onto my sheets. I went to the bathroom and started washing off the blood.
By the time I was done the sink was smeared with blood. I sighed and began cleaning the sink when I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Scarlett? What are you doing?" I heard Amy say
"Washing my hands"
"Can you hurry up, I need to use the bathroom"
"Give me a second"
I cleaned the sink as good as I could and left the bathroom. I went back to sleep and forgot about what happened the night before.
************
"Scarlett, wake up, breakfast is ready" I heard Jamie say as I pulled myself out of bed.
I changed clothes and went to the table. I grabbed some grits and sat down. As I ate I realized Amy was looking at me weird.
I know that look, it's worry. Did she see the blood in the sink? No but I got all of it. Unless I didn't, then she'd know I'm cutting. Fuck this is bad, really really bad. What does she know? I can't loose this, not again.
I started scratching my neck impulsively and over thinking.
"Scar, are you ok?" Avery asked me
"Yeah I'm fine" I said as I kept scratching. Ugh stop doing that. "It's a dead giveaway" This isn't good. I'm freaking out. Relax Scarlett. Breathe. I calm myself down and relax my hands.
"Sorry I didn't mean to say that out loud"
"Are you sure your okay?" Avery said "You keep scratching"
If she noticed Amy definitely did. Not to mention she just pointed it out.
"I'm just stressed about going back to school"
"Luna will be with you, you don't have anything to worry about. Ms. Soyer isn't there anymore. The police are opening an investigation on her. You'll be fine"
"Your right"
I looked down at my grits and realized I had barely ate any. It's whatever, I'm stressed enough as it is. I looked back up at them and they all seemed worried.
"I'll be waiting at the door" I said as I got up and grabbed everything I needed for school and waited at the door.
The car ride was silent until we started approaching the school.
"Will you be okay Scar?"
"Yeah I'll be fine" I got out the car but Amy stayed in. I don't have the energy to worry about that right now. I have to worry about staying calm during school. I brought a shard of glass just in case.
***************
Amy's POV
I stayed back in the car because I wanted to talk to Avery about something. To be more specific, Scarlett.
"Avery"
"Yeah?"
"I think Scarlett's cutting again. Last night when she left the bathroom I saw blood in the sink"
"Really? I knew something was going on. She's been scratching a lot more recently"
"But I don't get it, how could she be cutting if there's no razors or knives to cut with?"
"The glass. I should've trusted my gut. She broke a glass the other day, I swept it up and put it in the trash and went to the bathroom to wash my hands. Ugh I'm so stupid why would I leave her alone in there with that?" She said putting her hands in her face.
"It's not your fault. At least we know now"
I heard the bell ring meaning I was about to be late to class. I hurried out of the car and told Avery that's we'd all talk more later then ran into the school to go to my first period.
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