Jonah felt the flames of hell entering his body and going through every part of his being, reviving in him the foundations of pain that he had stopped feeling long ago. However, some nights the sorrow returned as an imperishable memory that Alma continued in hell because of him.
Two years passed since Jonah's first nightmare, but he had already given up. He soon accepted the tormenting fate of him and his sister Alma. He was convinced that some are only born to suffer. He got out of bed and began to pack up everything for the next day, they would leave for another town. He took the mirror in the corner of the tent, and without planning, found his face in it. He saw his cotton skin and his perfect golden curls. In his "normal" version, he hadn't aged a day.
That morning he felt unprotected and alone again. For the past two years, he had tried to bury the suffering, despair, and discontent with life that he had experienced for as long as he could remember. Jonah saw his tears fogging the glass of the mirror he was holding with trembling hands. He had always wanted to cease to exist, but out of fear, he never tried to take his own life, now he was ready to do so.
It comforted him to know that perhaps he could see his sister in hell. They would both be together experiencing in the underworld the same suffering they felt on earth. When it came to pain, it made no difference to Jonah.
Thinking about how he would take his life, Jonah decided to do it at night. To avoid suspicion, he spent the whole day packing up his things, as if he planned to leave with his companions. The sun was beginning to set, and he had no idea how he would take his life.
At first, he thought of cutting his own throat, but the thought of being full of blood gave him chills and reminded him of Alfredo's inert corpse. Later, he decided he would set fire to his whole body; after all, he had already experienced that pain in his dreams, and it was not so terrible. However, he was terrified of surviving that, so he decided to do something that would take less time. He would take poison, that was the best option, but then he thought about the terrible pain and the possible agony he might suffer and concluded that he would not do it. Finally, he decided that the best way to kill himself was by asphyxiation. He just had to climb up on a chair, tie his neck to a rope, and when he got off his feet, he would be dead in less than a minute.
Jonah broke one of his sheets and took a small bench from one of the tents. Taking advantage of the fact that everyone was eating, he went to the back of the circus, where there was a large Robinia tree. There, some of the members of the circus had already tried to hang themselves. Sometimes the anguish made them forget that they could not die again.
After tying the rope to one of the branches, Jonah wrapped it around his head. Before jumping, he tried to think of the best moments of his existence, perhaps he could evoke some memory that could save his life, but he could not. He could only remember all the mistreatment he had received. Her entire existence was one big ice floe, except for the warm company of Alma, her soul. It was beginning to snow, but Jonah felt his chest burn at the thought of her.
He remembered the times when he felt good just by having her by his side and not carrying the burden of life alone. Very few possessed that privilege. However, all this was part of a past that he abhorred before, but now no matter what he did or how much he longed to go back, he could not return there. Jonah jumped off the bench and was left hanging from the tree, not attempt to survive.