start 1:12am - hitsugi
consistency... I wonder what that is.. ?
ghost start :
as promised (never was promised) I will say why I chose the name 'hitsugi.'
we start in preschool, at that time I was very energetic (keep that in mind).so like you know how preschoolers always had a like 'sleep time' kind of thing? everytime we had one of those I would always he up and at that age I was very into a certain game called "hide and seek" so i always hid from the teachers at that time. yeah that was all for preschool.... yeah I know that was kind of a let down.... especially after all that build up last chapter.... you know.... :).
we move into kindergarten, honestly nothing bad in kindergarten. probably the most fun I had in my life was in kindergarten. Dr. Don is still my favourite teacher.
now into elementary school (speed run)... in reality I really wasnt a ghost at the time in school, during this time I was mostly a ghost at home. for making a stupid joke, while taking pictures with my mother and my siblings, my father walked into the room and I foolishly said, "not with you." after uttering those fouls words I was slapped by my father in the face. honestly I think I can still feel it to this day, it was really painful you know. but oh well, past already happened, cant change it. after that point I decided to not really say anything towards my father, desperately trying to become a ghost in his eyes, a 'background character' if you will. I think it didnt work because I would still get hit by my father on several occasions for other reasons.
(a separate one for elementary) this one is what hurt me the most in my life, although I am still the one to blame. it's about my mother... it's hard to write about personal things that will be open to the world but I dont think it really matters anymore what I say. so its gonna start with a phone ringing and my mother answering the phone, (keep in mind this all happened to me while I was still a child). my mom was in the bathroom upstairs and I dont remember what was so important that I had to tell my mother but it was important nevertheless for me to interrupt my mother... although I completely forgot what it was. so I decided to walk up the stairs to tell my mother, 14 steps upwards. a bathroom in my sight I opened the door and saw my mother getting ready for something, I dont know what she what or where she was going, all I know is that she was on the phone talking to someone while I was there in the bathroom watching her put make up on at the same time. but I guess I was bothering her or something, because she did very vividly tell me to go away. after a while of nagging at her by repeatedly saying, "mom." I guess she hit her limit because she just yelled at me to go away, although a bit surprised I didnt really go anywhere. I just stood there, shocked I guess because I never seen my mother really that mad. I guess she also had something important going on with the other person on the phone. but well you know how kids are, they are stubborn, so I didn't stop calling out to her. I think I was considered a nuisance or very annoying. at this point I guess my mother was really mad at me or something because she back hand slapped me in the face. I started to bleed, a lot. she hit me really hard, I started crying a lot as you can imagine. it wasnt a very good experience for a kid to go through. I started crying right as I wrote that, I guess you can say I've been keeping it inside ever since that day because it still hurts. I feel like I can still feel her hand making contact.
and now we move onto middle school, while mostly achieving something called 'lonlieness' I also achieved the art of 'ditching.' in middle school nothing really happened I just stopped socializing as much with other people. I started to become a actually loner. I did still have friends but having 3 people who you meet only during lunch out of all the other people in the school is pretty laughable.
we finally are at high school, well not really the darkest chapter in my life as you can tell, I really dont have a problem with my high school life. I considered socializing to be a waste at this point. only talk to others when talked to first, or told to speak by a superior (i.e. teachers, parents, etc.). I just started living off of that. I ended up being thought of as being shy by others although it really isn't true. when someone asks me a question I will respond, no questions asked. the thing is, I dont feel like talking. people in at school have asked me the question, "why dont you talk?" my response was simple, "cause I dont feel like it, it's a waste." obviously they were a bit confused but whatever.
and ending of the chapter ghost
sike, one more story about high school, not really like a fun one or anything, just a short story.
we start close to the end of the school year in my counselors office with a decision, and my counselor saying, "you only have to pass one of those art classes." and me responding, "ok, bet." so at the time I had two art classes although in reality you only had to take one art class I somehow was able to get into two. so I had two teachers, one who is easy to pass with less effort, or one that you have to put more effort into and is more difficult. I, very obviously might I add, chose the easier one. this story focuses on the hard class, the almost last day... ? or was it the last day of the class... I dont remember. but the teacher asks me, "you won't miss me? or this class?" I being the little piece of shit I am, responded with, "I really want this classroom to burn.... with you in it." I am pretty sure I broke her heart lmao. but in reality I really despised the teacher, I forgot what it was now but I vividly remember not liking her for whatever reason. by the way yes I did end up passing th other class it was way too easy, so at the time in that class i was always on my phone doing something else.
i hope you enjoyed todays chapter
finish 2:01am - hitsugi