Cleo
Nothing hurts more than a broken heart . A broken heart that has not healed properly is like a scar that hasn't healed properly . On the surface everything looks standard; however when you go deeper you are still blue and black from the blow that you sufferd at the hands of the one who swore love , protection, and stability. If dealt with sooner the scar can heal if not it can rott and cause major problems. Imagine baking a cake that flops. Proper healing happens from the inside out. When you nurse your broken heart too long thinking that you're okay you end up discovering that the damage is worse than initially thought and its somehow spread to your soul. So not only are you nursing a broken heart but a broken soul too by default. Two broken pieces are a perfect fit only if they are whole and not shattered. If you can find someone who loves you inside out broken parts and all then you are lucky. When you love; you love the bright sides as well as the dark, you cannot attack flames you don't understand . When you find someone who's been through the same flames as you; not only do you realize you're not alone in your battle but you have a teammate to help you fight. That kind of softens the blow.
Once upon a time I was happy everything in my life was okay. I had a supportive family, a great circle of friends , a man who loved and adored me , a steady job and above all I was grounded in my faith. I was always able to balance family and work life and my family would come first no mater what... However in a blink of an eye everything can change ; and when you look back you'll realize if what happened didn't happen you wouldn't be the person you are today.
It has been a couple of years since that fateful night that resulted in me ending up in the ER. I know that because I can never forget August the fifteenth which surprisingly is today. I swear this day is just cursed . It's been like a rollercoaster ride literally. I woke up this morning with a clear goal in mind . Leave before everyone arrives and set up an interview with another agency that is willing to let me fly because I have the wings, and go out for clubbing night. As far as I'm concerned ; I've gone from having a job to having a new contract , to being attacked for being myself , and now leaving a new position I was picked for but because of my color and past I dropped.
I don't know how to feel , but what I'm sure of is I don't want to feel the way I'm feeling.
I don't even want to talk about Angelo. I told him so. He just stood there and said nothing . I didn't expect him to . As soon as I made it to the lift I pressed the call button. I looked at the time and it was ten thirty . Since lunch wasn't happening I needed to find a place of peace . Thinking about it I remembered it was the feast day of The Assumption , I might as well go to the Midday Mass. I wanted to go in the evening but the sooner I go the better . This whole situation just reminded me how broken my soul is and also that it hasn't completely healed. Even though Duncan is no longer in my life and has apologized for putting me through hell , I forgave him, and he has become a scar that I wear so well. Other scars have faded except for the one on my collarbone that goes all the way to my shoulder blade and one on my ribcage... Just thinking about that night upsets me in more ways than one and I get so angry at myself. My own mother doesn't know what happened and I want to keep it that way. She has already lost one child and I saw how that broke her , I lived through it and what hurts is that my brother didn't deserve to die the way he did it was brutal. Now imagine me telling my mother that I almost died . I'm constantly living in the shadow of someone else's wing. Not a day goes by that she doesn't talk about him and the little to no support from the family taught me that I can't depend on anyone but myself . My friends also didn't know what happened to me .Only the guy who found me , who was an angel because I woke up and my hospital bills were paid by an anonymous person . All I remembered was an MM6 on the S.U.V that stopped. I was also given a bracelet made of silver with angel wings on it. It was written to MM with a heart and CM. The lift stopped at my floor and I headed straight for the office I once called mine , grabbed my purse, phone , Car keys, and my box of stuff and gifts . Blake ran to help me and when we had said our goodbyes, security let me out with no problems and I was on my way home. I needed a good meal , some sleep , church and a break which meant cancelling on Club night .
I finally made it home. Took a much needed shower , changed into proper clothes for church. In my case it wasn't Sunday and usually Sunday is dress day no questions asked but since it was Friday, I opted for black jeans , black sneakers and a sky blue sweater since I was feeling blue and I grabbed my dark blue denim jacket and grey scarf . I had some strawberry and chocolate Pronutro . I'm old enough; I can do whatever I like including mixing cereals its a great combination by the way. I had an hour to go before Mass and it was a fifteen minute drive I could sleep for thirty minutes and and get going . I had a thread of messages from Brendan , Jane and an unrecognisable number . I had switched my data off to avoid other distractions .
When my alarm went off I headed downstairs and drove to Church.
When I went inside church I dipped my fingers into the holy water did the sign of the cross, genuflected by the cross on my way to the east wing because everyone sits either in the middle, or the west wing . The west wing is occupied by the late comers.The Church's design is Gothic one of the many reasons I love it is because it feels like I'm sucked into a totally different world where I can talk to God and tell him what's wrong. Oh and participate in one of my favourite sacraments ...Confession.
Before I went to my usual spot .I made a quick stop to the confessional going in and closing the door the priest started talking and I responded.
"Bless me father for I have sinned .It has been six months since my last confession."
I told the priest everything , including coming clean about my feelings towards Angelo. I even felt guilty for lying about staying .After getting sound advice and doing my penance; before I knew it Mass was about to start. At the end of Mass I walked out and went to the car and drove home . As soon as I switched on my phone , I took a rain check on club night and switched on my data . The messages from the unknown number appeared and they wouldn't stop for three minuets straight. I was too tired so I left my phone on the island and went to my room to sleep.
I felt okay but they were starting again... The nightmares. I closed my eyes drifted off to sleep I saw him.
Blow after blow, kick after kick, slap after slap, push after push, stab after stab... All I could think about was how much I needed my brother and if by some kind of miracle he could hear me to please ask God and his angels to help me . There were trees stones and a gravel road that I was thrown beside . Machines and beeping sounds, loud bangs.
I willed myself to wake up and ran to the bathroom to throw water on my face. I was soaked in my own sweat and started getting the shakes . The door bell rang five times and my phone rang. When the bell and the phone wouldn't stop ringing, I lethargically picked my phone up and flicked the lights on .
"What?"
"Open the door that's what. You leave without saying goodbye after what you just said . You go missing for half the day , your friends say you cancelled on plans to meet them, you're not picking up my calls or responding to my texts. My son thinks it's his fault you're gone."
I sat down on the kitchen bar stool and rubbed my throbbing head. How in loves name did he find me .
" Don't you have Nikki to keep you busy? "
"No. She's out of my life and she had no right to do what she did. Let me say what I came to say. I am not leaving . Either you come come out or I go in."
"No go away I want to be left alone.'
"I'm not going anywhere . You think you're the only stubborn one . I know Brendan and Jane don't know about the abuse . I know how it feels."
"No you don't Michelangelo. Please leave."
The line on the other end went dead and there was silence. I took a deep breath and went into my closet to change into my Teddy bear printed pj's and made my way to the kitchen. It was already dark outside and when I looked at the time it was well after eleven pm. I've been knocked out for a while. I switched on the kettle and rummaged in the pantry for some butternut soup . The thunderstorm woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep. Angelo must be home by now. Talk about anger problems or better yet control issues. I thought I heard my door open and close but thought nothing of it and then, I sensed his energy. I grabbed the can of soup and when I turned around my heart stopped for a second .He stood there in a white and grey hoody wearing blue denim pants and black boots looking serious.
I was about to scream when he hushed me with his fingers and put the can of soup down and kissed me .
"We can argue all night or you can give me a chance to explain myself."
"You're in my apartment. "
I froze and he smirked.
" clearly you don't know how resourceful I can be ."
Angelo held me steady by my waist looking at me.
" you're forgetting controlling. You're wet. "
He let me go,took off his hoody and boots and walked to the door hanging his hoody on one of the hooks and set his boots underneath.
"Honey I'm home !"
"Keep dreaming!"
Angelo walked back to where I was in the kitchen and hugged me from behind whispering in my ear;
" I'm not. How was your day ?"
"For starters my ex boss broke into my apartment."
"He's sorry ."
Turning around to face Angelo all I could do was look at him and try not to cry.
"You said nothing... Why?"
© #KCMmuoe