The day has been a massive blur. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't function normally, but I am plastering on a smile just to keep everyone off of my back. Yesterday, my friends kept treating me as if I might break in half should someone say the wrong words. They all thought it was because of my brothers, but their wrong. What will happen tonight if they find out what has been happening every night? I don't think I want to know.
We are all sitting down at lunch. My sandwich is very bland and I can't bring myself to force down the rest of my meal. I offer my food to Ashton and once he gives me a thorough examination, he takes it. I try to stay as normal as possible. But is it working?
"So tonight. What are we going to play?" Abby asks. She is kind of like Preston, reserved in public, crazy in private.
"Obviously Mario kart. I was thinking a nice game of cards against humanity. What do you think?" Olivia replies easily while eating her tray of fries. I nod my head to agree.
"We are still not playing those stupid party games are we?" Sam asks like it's an actual option. We all turn slowly in his direction and just look at him dumbfoundedly. "I'll take that as a no."
---
Stepping into chemistry, I get hit by the most pungent smell known to man. It smells like someone decided to blow up a skunk.
"Yeah, it's pretty bad. Don't worry, you'll get used to it." I look to the side and see Alex sitting there looking down at his phone. He doesn't even look up when I sit down.
"I don't think I want to get used to this smell." I reply simply. He chuckles lightly to himself.
"Are you better?" He asks me, finally looking up and into my eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"Yesterday. You were distant, almost as if you were numb. I don't know you well, but I know enough that you don't act like that. So I ask again, are you better?" He turns completely in my direction. His eyes piercing into mine as if they can read my mind.
"Yes, I'm 'better.' Yesterday was just a hard day. The anniversary of something that I wish had never happened. I'm fine now, thank you." I turn to the front as the teacher stands up to the board. I begin taking notes and following along with him as best I can.
"So today we will be doing a lab. It's very simple, yet easy to mess up. We will be separating a mixture of sand and salt. Here are the instructions, try not to burn down the building, ask questions if you have any, and you may begin." Mr. Foust explains as he sends us off with little instruction.
As soon as I get the sheet, I immediately gather the tings we need, a Bunsen burner amongst the mix. When I set them al down I set up the experiment.
"So what should I do?" Alex asks, rolling up his sleeves and putting on his apron. I look at him and start to laugh, "What's so funny?"
"You actually want to help? Really? Most people just make me do the whole thing." I say, handing him a beaker in which he starts to fill with water.
"Well I actually help with this stuff. It's considered rude to not." He says, the corners of his mouth threatening to turn up.
"Ok, but I get to use the burner. I don't trust you with it for some reason." I respond, clearly joking.
"Fine, as long as I get to use the filter paper."
"Deal."
"Deal."
We shake hands and get to work. When our experiment is finished, we have sand on a paper towel and the salt in an evaporation dish. It was successful. I just can't believe he helped. Normally people leave me to do all the work, and by people I mean Malissa. I always get paired with her, but now she is paired with someone equally as dumb as her. Oh how the odds have turned.
---
I arrive at the house a little past 7. I went home and did everything I would need to for the night and tried my best to mentally prepare myself for the night to come. It's going to be interesting to see how I wake up. I just hope I don't go to sleep.
We all sit around and play Mario kart as if there is no time left in the world. We all laugh at each other, we talk about the smallest details of our lives. We share everything, except me. I'm keeping a secret that hurts me, and yet they have no idea what is happening. It's so hard to keep things from these people. They are my family and yet I hide something that is effecting me so greatly.
"Lily, get out of your thoughts. When you think hard you get this weird look on your face. It's like you're looking through walls or something. You're creeping me out." Olivia says. She is laying on the couch with her feet in Ashton's lap.
"I'm sorry?" I look turn to look at her a little. We're watching The Conjuring against my will. They know how scared I get and yet they choose to make me watch movies that give me nightmares far worse than those I normally have.
"You're thinking instead of watching this movie we know you love so much?" Preston asks, grinning like Pennywise.
"Yes, I am. Unless you want me to wake up screaming in the middle of the night I suggest you change to movie." I respond, grabbing a handful of Sam's popcorn next to me. I glares at me but turns back to the movie.
"Oh, you'll be fine. We will wake you up if you start twitching or anything." Riley assures me. That makes me feel better.
I fall asleep in the middle of watching The Quiet Place and my head is laying in Sam's lap. Honestly this isn't uncommon because we've all been like this with each other. It's not awkward or anything, unless you make it awkward. I feel Sam shift slightly and my head get lifted up. The next thing I feel are two strong arms going behind my back and under my legs to carry me somewhere. I get laid with my blankets on the floor next to where we all sleep.
I hear the TV turn off and everyone else come over and lay down.
"Do you think she'll actually be Ok after that movie?"
"I think she will."
"And if she isn't, we're all right here. It'll be ok."
"I have a hard time believing you guys. Did you not see how tired she looked yesterday? It's like she hasn't slept in years."
"I know. She's not telling us something. But if she isn't, the she's probably trying to cope with it herself first before she tells us. She never has liked sharing her problems with other people to deal with."
"I guess you're right. I'm just worried about her."
"And so am I, but we need her to come to us instead of us try and force it out of her."
"Yeah. Well I'm going to sleep."
"Me too."
"Good night everyone."
"Good night."