My lips brushed his lips... Mhmm I moaned. The craving strong to just want to take control remove all our clothes and just be with him all the way. That is not lady like though and he has to want to it too. We've known each just a few months. My body is trembling with want and need, but I must control it.. My hands shook showing what I felt on the inside. His hands ran up my arms leaving hot, hot trails in his wake.
"Marlena... Do you feel it too?" He whispered in my ear. The hairs on my neck stood up as his breath hit my neck. I involuntarily shivered. His hands moved to my shoulder blades pulling me closer to him almost like a moth to a flame. Me being the moth and him the flame that will burn me if I get too close.
A few months earlier....
It is February 5th, 2012; it is five in the morning. All I hear are my feet hitting the pavement and music playing through my headphones. I love my morning runs. I get to think and clear my mind of all the things that are currently bunching up my nerves.
Being nineteen years old is a joke, considered an adult but still treated like a child. Does it really matter though? I am stuck in the same house. My job at the grocery store does not pay enough to move out and never will.
I hate living with a mom that is barely even there emotionally or physically since my dad died. Man, I miss him more everyday.
Houses pass, concrete fades to sand and I know I have gone too far to the edge of town, but I do not care today. When I get home Christopher my little brother will just be getting up for school, but that is not for another couple of hours. My little brother is just too cute, with his blue eyes and his unnaturally blonde hair that does not match my unreasonably dark chocolate brown hair. Weird, huh? My hair is different from all the rest of the family and my hair has never been dyed in my life. Every time I have bothered to question it just in humor to my mother, she would tell me "you got it from your grandmother". A woman I currently have never met. I haven't even seen one single picture of the woman.
I stop to catch a breath. I look around and see sand and dry shrubs. No houses, no people, just me and the highway to my left. But the highway is far off into the distance. You can barely see the cars zoom down towards Las Vegas, Nevada. I know I should turn around and go back home; but grief hangs heavy in the air today. I just cannot go home to a mom who does not feel or an older brother that chooses to believe today does not exist.
So, I drop to the sand that is cool, golden, and soft, for the moment. The only one who really cares does not even remember, but it is too hard to even go look into his face and see joy replaced with sadness. Because it is all too much! I just might be over come with this pain; that I just might begin to cry. It would be the first time in years that I would have shed a tear over my father. I just cannot, I must be strong for him and myself. The sun is even higher in the sky now than it was fifteen minutes before. It is getting hotter the higher the sun gets in the sky.
Some time has passed before I can get myself to get up from the hot sand and finish my run back to my small lifeless house.
I am hoping today will feel different than the past years...