As I run home, I wish school would just be done with and I could go to college away from this town. When I arrive home Katie my mom is still asleep, figures. Jason is stretching in the living room his face plainer than usual with red ringed eyes. He has been crying but he will never admit it. I pull out my headphones and paused the music.
"Hey Jas." I muttered. He bends to the left side right arm fully extended. "Hi." Short and to the point just like him. His blue eyes do not sparkle with excitement today. They look like a dull puddle of grief. Jason will not be himself again until tomorrow when he can shove the pain away. He turns himself away from me. All you see is his short and shaggy blonde hair from the back. It looks like he is preparing for a late run. Conversation over. This house looks the same as it always has. Tan couch, glass coffee table, fireplace covered in with pictures and knick knacks, and TV stand my dad built. The only thing new in this room would be the flat screen TV that is sitting on the TV stand. It is like the main parts of this house have been frozen in time. And I hate it! Why did he have to be a firefighter? Why did he have to go into the building to check for any survivors? And most importantly why did that damn house have to collapse right on top of him? Questions that all have the same generic answers. Because he wanted to help people, he wanted to be the one to put the fire out. Because it was a part of his job, to save any helpless lives. We thought the building was stable. Well it is all a bunch of crap.
As I move through the house to go wake up Christopher for school all I see is still memories from 9 years ago. Everyone looks so happy much happier than they are today. As I fight back the tears that threaten to come; I think about everything I need to do today. No school for me. Senior skip day. This means I get to go the animal shelter and volunteer. I have not been able to volunteer as much these last couple of months. I love the shelter, the people I work with, and the animals that come and go. I need to call my supervisor Mark, to let him know I am coming. Mark has been my supervisor since I was twelve years old. My dad Daniel use to go with me and volunteer on the weekends. Once he died, I just could not stop helping the animals. I think it is because if I did, I thought I might lose everything I have ever shared with my dad. I could not let that happen.
As I knock on Christopher's door; I can hear him crying. I know he is awake, but I cannot take seeing his tears. So, I turn and run down the hall to my room and slam the door shut. From my room I can hear him open his door and say "Marlena? Are you there?" Then he quietly closing the door knowing I was gone, and no one is there to answer his call. I know he needs me, but I need him not to be crying when I see his blue eyes. Selfish I know. As I lay down on my bed, I breathe and remind myself I am being selfish for him and the rest of the family. There are footsteps outside my room. I am hoping it is not Christopher wanting to come cry on my shoulder. But no, I know it's not. Its mom or Katie as I have recently started calling her. She is probably on her way to get another drink from the chilled bottle of liquor in the freezer. Yeah, she is the biggest drunk I have ever had the chance to meet. She is the town drunk. Everyone in Yermo, California knows it. It is no secret. Its not like she could ever keep it a secret in such a small town.
She makes me so angry sometimes; I just want to run after her. I want to yell at her to stop that her children are worth more to her than any bottle of liquor. Then I want to dump all the bottles down the drain, but I know she would not care. Katie used to be pretty, beautiful even, but since she started drinking her timeless face became haggard. I grab the pillow cover my face and scream. Why is life so frustrating and painful?
"Well mysterious being up in the sky; you can stop throwing curve balls my way! I don't want them anymore." I muttered into the pillow that is still over my face. As I lay there trying hard not to think about anything in general when one of my thoughts brings me to the day I found out about my father. How he was killed in that burning building.