Andrianna woke up to the sound of running water, the sound of domesticity. It was different from the sound of rain. Andrianna realized in that moment she no longer acquainted the sound of rain to peace and serenity. That the strong smell of earth would always make her heart race with panic and the sound of rain would alarm her of the impending doom. Lost was the innocence of rain.
With great difficulty she pushed herself to wake up. She was not ready for another dream. Not today.
She knew she would never sleep peacefully again but she would give into these nightmares if it meant spending just one single moment again with Francis. She would go through hell just to have that one moment where she could apologize to Francis. To erase that wretched stench and that horrid memory.
Because Andrianna would come back just like she had at her funeral. Francis would find a way back to Andrianna again.
"Marsshal" Andrianna groaned.
Instantly he was by her side.
"Yes, my sweet little angel?"
"What happened?"
"Nothing, you were simply not feeling well. So to make you feel better the doctors gave you something."
"Oh… When can we go away from here?"
"Well, Nancy is filling out the forms as we speak right now. I suppose we can leave after that."
"You sure?"
"Of course, I am. Say when we go home do you want to see the website for your new school?"
"New school?"
"Yeah your daddy thought it would be fun for you… To make new friends, meet new people. And I hear the school has a very nice painting room."
"It does?"
"Yes. Want to do that?"
"Yes!" Andrianna exclaimed, bouncing into Marshal's lap. Andrianna's mind registered a faint movement inside the bathroom. A shadow move, the woman in black was already announcing herself to her. She was back. Andrianna knew the woman in black would not enter the room while Marshal was here. She did not understand the effect it had on her but it did. Andrianna saw it when Marshal had found her at the cabin when she was taken. She had seen the confusion in her face. And what Andrianna assumed to be shame. Like she did not want to be seen dressed the way she was or watch her face the way it was. Marshal meant something to her. And so she knew that while Marshal was awake and holding her the woman in black would simply be the monster under a child's bet. Lurking in the periphery. And yet just a nightmare conjured from sheer imagination. Giving it a sense of harmlessness.
Elated by the single moment of peace that was gifted to her; she buried her face in Marshal's shirt, taking in his smell. Appreciating the absence of alcohol in it. He smelt like her Marshal again. A mix of lavenders and aftershave. They always smelt of lavender. Andrianna had once asked why and Francis had said because it made them feel closer to one another.
For the first time since after they found Francis did emotions seep their way back into her empty heart. Coursing through her veins. Unbidden tears formed in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.
Andrianna bit down on Marshal's shoulder to muffle her crying. For the first time the spell broke. A kink was truly formed on an emotional level. A crack of acceptance. Andrianna had understood on an intellectual level that she had lost Francis but the pain had been too much to bear, her heart hadn't accepted defeat just yet. Hadn't truly accepted the loss. It had been suppressed manifesting only in her dreams.
But, right now in this moment she cried. She cried without acceptance. She cried for the return of feelings. She cried because a part of her was accepting defeat.