The question came from a teenage boy who seemed to have only asked it as a joke, but the crowd fell silent when they noticed something off with the situation. I could only assume that I looked far from comfortable because it sure felt like all the blood had been drained from me and it would be a miracle if I stayed even a ghastly pale.
Ralphie noticed my body go limp for a few seconds, but was sure to hold me in place to avoid any suspicions before distracting his pack with a smug smile and his Alpha dominance. His grip was strong and held me in place for long enough for me to regain consciousness and the ability to stand on my own.
"You dare ask your Luna that right in front of your Alpha?" he asked, cleverly shielding me behind his build as he walked closer to tower above the other members. "Quite the bold one you are," Ralphie commented with exaggerated sarcasm, earning a few laughs all around. Everyone knew their Alpha was much too easygoing for anything intimidating.
With the time he bought, I was able to slap on a face of indifference that would suit the atmosphere. I grabbed the Alpha by his arm to stop him from engaging in a mock fight with the wolf boy who asked the question. Seeing that I was recovered, Ralphie didn't linger much longer, dismissing the group on their own while making his way back with me. But of course not without punishing them by limiting future questions to three instead of a full five per night.
On our way back, Ralphie didn't say a word to me, only pulling me along with his larger and warmer hand. I could only guess that he didn't take my reaction well to the question because probably most of all, he was hurt by that slip up of mine.
My time in Vampire Territory was and still is a sensitive topic between us. We established that he wouldn't pry into that aspect of my life, which was one of more pain than happiness in my heart. In cooperation with the other Alphas, I have already revealed much knowledge about the bloodsuckers that I can provide. However, the remainder part about my family and the people I know still remain in the dark.
When we return within the vicinity of our tent, Ralphie pulls me into him and hugs his arms around me without a word. He does that whenever something is on his mind, but he himself knows better than to burden me with his troubles. Plus, he also knows that I wouldn't say much even if he asks.
"Take me with you to patrol tonight," I say as I lean my head on his firm chest.
He places his arm around my shoulder before nodding and dozing off. Indeed this boy falls asleep fast.
I tilt my head up to see his innocent sleeping face which easily brings about a smile on my own.
No. He isn't a boy. He hasn't been for a long time.
He's a full-grown man. An Alpha, acknowledged by all.
But somehow, I feel a little sad. When did he grow up so fast?
For me, he's grown up so fast.
Each time I look at him, I don't know how to feel. Sure, I love him. But I wonder if I love him enough. I know he loves me so much, but do I love him as much as he loves me?
I don't have to worry about him having a change of heart since he already pronounced me as his mate—and once you decide on a mate, they are your mate for life. No need for silly things like marriages that can be arranged for political reasons and broken just as easily. No need for empty titles of a husband and wife.
However, I myself not being a wolf, cannot as confidently say the same. Each time I look at Ralphie, I feel I'm in the right place with the right person. But, there's this undeniable aching that comes about ever so often. As if there's a void that just doesn't seem to close up no matter how happy I am with him.
There probably isn't a point to conceal it either. He noticed too. But he doesn't say anything about it because he knows that everyone has their secrets and he respects that there will always be things in my heart that are of equal standing to him. And precisely because of this, I feel I'm indebted to him.
"Ralphie?"
He doesn't hear me as his chest rises and falls with his soft breathing. That's fine.
"I'm sure you have thought about that question too," I say, knowing that he can't hear a word.
I licked my lips as I let a name roll off my tongue in a whisper.
"Nikolaj."
Just the sound of the three beautiful syllables brought tears to my eyes. A name I tried to forget.
The name of the vampire noble I fell in love with. The man I met at seventeen. The man I married the same year. The man I believed to be the first and last love of my life.
Sadly, I wasn't anything more than his child bearer.
Sometimes I wonder if the few fond memories I just can't let go of aren't just illusions I convinced myself to have lived. Those precious moments that I thought belonged to the both of us—did he at least feel something from them? I close my eyes and let out a defeated breath.
He wouldn't even remember me by now. A vampire who lives decades as days wouldn't care enough to let his thoughts linger about an insignificant human. Only I would be so stupid to think of him ever so often.
Only I would be stupid enough to think of him even when I have someone as great as Ralphie next to me.
.......
I was woken by the gentle touch of Ralphie's fingers graze upon my face.
"Sleep in. I can go myself," he whispered in wolf language, which I could understand as if it was my own.
Grabbing his hand with my own, I brought it close to me.
"I want to go with you," I whispered back, eyelids still heavy.
"I'll be patrolling tomorrow as well. You can join me then."
"I want to go with you tomorrow too," I said, forcing myself up. "I want to go with you."
Ralphie planted a kiss on my forehead before shifting into his massive wolf form and going out to stretch his limbs.
Throwing on my favorite gray fur coat, I walked out to my Alpha who lowered himself so that I could climb on. After confirming that I was secured, he rose and the ground beneath me was at least five feet away. It's been awhile since we rode together and it seems like he got even bigger.
He sprinted into the darkness and halted when he met with three members of the Shadow Watch who were set to accompany us that night.
We ran the entire evening, squeezing through every nook and cranny of the forest and lands. Despite the snow reaching up to my calves, Ralphie's pace did not slow as he led his squad by a good distance even with me riding. Along the way, we made contact with a several other wolves surveying the area. By the time dawn hit, we had traced the Border from one end to the other.
The group had made good time and Ralphie allowed them to retire after running for six consecutive hours. They did well, keeping up with their Alpha who hadn't let up on his speed while going up and down hills and dodging trees and objects that would all look a blur to me when I first began. With the falling snow, it was worse and harder to see the cliffs.
However, perhaps I too have gotten used to how best to thrive in the wild. My body no longer reacted so sensitively towards the cold as it learned the best way to feed off of Ralphie's heat and my muscles have grown strong enough to hold on with the least amount of energy exertion.
Seeing our company run off, Ralphie shifted back into his human form and pulled me by his side.
"You're cold," he said as he pressed his lips to my forehead, but I shake my head. "Your nose is red."
I wrap my arms around his waist, enjoying getting to hold him in his human form for a change.
"We can go one more round," I say and his ears perk up. If I weren't there, he would've gone another course just to be sure. He liked to be thorough and though I worry he may overexert himself, I realized he would worry himself sick if he didn't calm his nerves with another check. "If you sprint, I won't mind one more lap along the Border."
A huge grin appears on Ralphie's face as he leaps forward and transforms back into a large grayish white wolf and nuzzles me. With a confident swing of my leg and hips, I hoist myself back up and prepare my stance. And then we were gone with the wind.
No longer keeping a pace, I could feel us gliding through the snow. My heart beat against my chest in the rhythm his paws pounded the ground. We were running on a completely different pattern from before. Ralphie was much more careless and free this time around without having to play leader. His turns were much more reckless, but still a controlled kind of reckless.
He knew I liked it because I would let out a little laugh while scolding him each time I feel like I'm about to fall. But when we pass by the other patrols, he would assume his authoritative stance and trot by like the other Alphas would whenever they came by to check.
When we neared the north of the Border, Ralphie slowed down and took me on a detour to the mountainous cliff. I liked the view from the peak as you could look over the Wolf Territory and admire the breathtaking sight of sunrise around this time. Still, even before reaching the top, the height could cover quite the distance.
Right when Ralphie swerved right as he maneuvered his big, but lithe body on the narrow mountain strip, I caught sight of a few shadows moving around. It wasn't uncommon to see some of the female wolves gather and play around the area in the morning especially after they visit their lovers or family patrolling the area.
But this time, there was something profoundly wrong. Amidst the beautiful white scenery, there was an extra color that no one loved more than our enemy—red.