And we are back at the restaurant, Kozue didn't speak to me once all day. It must be about what happened yesterday, I got to fix things or this would be a mess.
"Kozue, do you have a moment I need help with something?"
That was just my excuse so I could talk to her.
"What is it, let me just serve this."
Kozue served the order and came to me.
"Meet me in the back, I'll wait."
A few minutes later
"So what is it?"
Kozue stood up straight clenched her hands to her chest as she knows what is going to happen.
"I want you to be honest with me, is there something wrong?"
"Ha? There is nothing wrong, what are you saying?"
"No, why are you lying to yourself, your precious smile is gone, your energy is tone down, you can't even look at me straight, Kozue, what is wrong?"
"Idiot, do you really have to ask it right now, we are working, are you that insensitive? If there is something wrong here, it's you!"
I saw tears start to drip down her eyes as she looked at me.
"All right, I will tell you everything now."
"Wait, Kozue, stop, you'll only hurt yourself"
It was the truth that I could not deny, while being the person that led me in this situation, had no necessity to try and stop Kozue. However, that was something I definitely could not do.
"Yes, that's right. But, I am that serious."
Erasing the smile from her face, Kozue suddenly looked at me with a serious look. After that, she quietly wiped her tears and slapped her face.
"With all my body, with all my heart, I adore you. Back then we were rivals but the truth is that I just want you to always be there near me, standing next to me."
She voiced her feelings, as the wind brushed gently against the two of us who were facing each other on the backdoor of her family's restaurant as time passed. Placing her hands on her chest, Kozue made a declaration in front of me who stood there in silence.
I can not speak a word thus she continues to speak to me.
"So, doing things like becoming your rival in art, competing against you, trying to get noticed by you, is what I did."
I could barely endure the sensations on my throat being blocked and having warm feelings fill up my heart. Thus, looking at that kind of face within the corner of my eye, I finally was able to open my quivering mouth and,
"I'm sorry but to me, it feels pretty clear that the amount of things I've been able to do for you is extremely light in comparison to how much you've given me,"
I said that without thinking
"That is not true."
Looking slightly downward, Kozue denied my words while shaking her head. I raised my eyebrows towards her manner, I had already begun to try and spill out words of denial to cover myself but,
"It's actually just selfish of me to even continue this conversation because it is only bringing pain to me and you."
She's wrong, it is not like that I am just dense.
"I don't think of it like that. It's my fault for bringing things from you."
"But it really is just me being selfish. Thus, I'm sorry."
Kozue's tone of voice held a sense of self-judgment, she still looked up with a bright smile. I was relieved with that figure whose tone of voice and smile were contradictory.
"I want to be the person to bear even just a bit of the burden that Kenji-kun carries on his back. Not being able to be the person to do that, hurts me more than I can bear."
"I-"
The heaviness of Yui's feelings, along with her resolve, was now too being felt. I lean my back against the wall, I took one deep breath.
"I'm sorry."
In order to avoid letting tears fall out, I answered straightforwardly, while I continued to look at her in the eyes...
"Yes"
It was the words that were said once before to her.
Even while knowing that these words were terrible words that hurt her, I still said them again. But,
"But when I look at you, my heart flutters. You can think of me as a terrible guy."
"You are really a terrible guy, but I still love you."
They were words that would make your legs stop moving without thinking. Before collecting myself, I took a quick glance in Kozue's direction, I saw Kozue wearing an expression that made it seem as if she were trying to be a playful cat. Eagerly anticipating my answer while seemingly wagging her tail back and forth.
"I get that, but I can't love you back because Yasuyuki is the one for you, he loves you, he adores you, he likes you ever since and I can't just break that guy's heart. After all, he is my childhood friend. I can say that he is a good person."
"Well then, I guess once we get back I'll need to persuade Yasuyuki to confess to me. I'll do my best."
Forming her other empty hand into a fist, she put together a bit of her spirit and smiled. After Kozue said those lighthearted words that dissolved the tension between the two of us, I clearly understood my own weakness and became clearly aware that I really was no match for things that are like this.
In situations like these, with Kozue, with Fumi, a man could not match a woman, no matter what. Just this weakness, a weakness that was different from all the others, was a weakness that was okay to recognize.
Kozue, even now, the same as always, continued to support me even now, out of all the people in the world, she remained to be the person to bring me and the club the most warmth through her continuous energy, care, and her unwavering acceptance and understanding.
The day ended before we even noticed and all I can think of is hoping that Kozue will finally find herself with the right guy.