"I did something bad."
An eternity had passed after he said this and Ryder just had to watch on helplessly, his back glued to the wall.
Their lips were centimeters apart from each other and before he could start imagining things, Jacob pulled back and turned to sit across from him. Barely a minute Ryder breathed properly when he heard words that made his ears prick.
"I killed my girlfriend."
Ryder blinked in shock, stepping forward, and scooted his chair back once more. "Y-you did what?"
He could as well scream.
Jacob nodded slowly as if under a hypnotist command. "You heard me. I'm a murderer. I killed her."
Remorse. Ryder read no remorseful expression on his patient's face. His words were flat-out blunt and Ryder wasn't someone to normally care. It was just that Jacob's nonchalance at something so devious was one he couldn't decipher.
"Why? What did she do? Were you both involved in a bad fight?"
"Normally, I'd call it a clean fight between lovers but I guess things got a little serious. She didn't deserve to die and I caused it." he focused on something over the sink. A brief pause settled between them and before Ryder could prevent seeing it, two large tear beads fell from Jacob's eyes. His hands trembled as he carefully wiped them off, taking the trouble to bury his head between his palms.
Recalling the pistol, Ryder accused. "You shot him."
Jacob perked up, startled. "Goodness no. It almost had nothing to do with the gun. Sophie was... bipolar. She had these frequent mood swings that sometimes slipped out of control,"
Ryder held back his words, assuming correctly his patient would continue.
"Depressed in the morning, crazy by noon, and completely erratic at dusk. Quick-tempered and sober when she tried to act caring. I've always tolerated her throughout the difficult times until that fateful day she found out something about me,"
"What did her parents do to cure her? Were you the only one who knew about her mental state?"
Ryder had never been so invested in a conversation for a long time. Jacob looked up at him with a new kind of interest. "Inquisitive, are we?"
"You started this," Ryder shot back.
His patient shrugged. It was his confession after all. "Might as well finish it then. Her family knew about her condition but they were far too wealthy to care about their daughter. I was her caregiver, support even but I just didn't love her more as she would have liked.
"How did she die?" Ryder studied him, wanting to get the sad part of the story over with.
"I suffocated her, accidentally...it was never my intention I swear," he added when Ryder gasped. "In return she stabbed me. It's all over the news by now. If only you had a television or a radio,"
Ryder watched him wringing his fingers uncomfortably, the dark birthmark on his nose stood out among his sunken features.
"When did it happen?" the teen asked, trying to keep up with the safer potion of the story.
"Back home in Denmark. We both lived together near the outskirts that led here."
"It must have been a very long trek."
"It was," Jacob stared at his hands as though they were not a part of him. "Funny thing is, I survived the wind and snow."
"Care for a coffee?" Ryder suggested, raising his half-empty glass. The blondie smiled between sips. "Thanks. That may have helped."
"Tell me all you can,"
"It's difficult to put into words," Jacob stood up, crossings over to the window. "And though it helps to get this off my chest, I feel regret. Perhaps I'd have done things differently. An argument came up that day which led to her depressed mood. She found a letter I'd written to a friend and thought I was having a relationship behind her back,"
"Were you?"
Again, that nonchalant shrug. "It was ages ago and the letter never arrived at its rightful destination. Turns out I'm good at freaking out last minute."
"Who was it meant for?"
"A friend. Just a friend."
It sounded ominous but Ryder knew better than to push it. He'd somehow got Jacob to tell him things and with one wrong move, the patient might spring shut like a mousetrap.
Plus, this story could never be retold again.
"Go on,"
"I did my best to make her understand what was on but unfortunately she was having one of her mood swings and started screaming hysterically, rushing into the kitchen and grabbing a knife. I tried stopping her but it was useless. She stabbed me once as I dragged her to the couch and pressed a pillow to her face to prevent her screams from alerting the neighborhood. It's a mystery though because I never pushed the pillow hard. It's more like she died of a heart attack." the anguish in his voice returned.
"I ran. I needed to get out of there faster than I could for I knew no one would believe me if I told them I didn't kill her. My family never supported me so it was out of the question running to them for succor. I was losing blood and I can't count the number of times I fell by the roadside. Taking a cab was a stupid idea for the police would've caught up to me. I hurled people out of the way and came up the path that led into the forest where you found me. You saved me against the cold and healed my wounds..." he came around the table to the teen. Ryder looked up at him, deep into his blue eyes, and felt his resolve melting away.
"I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me." he brushed his lips across Ryder's.
Ryder's heartbeat quickened as he pulled back, uncertain. He expected shock, revulsion but the feeling of awakening surged through him. He pulled the patient closer and cradled his face between his palms, returning the kiss with much fervor. It was one of those moments he struggled to get something out of. Moments he strived to relive over and over again.