so tell me about Not Looking Back what inspired that song sienna? Fyn asked it has some strong lyrics it's almost like you're trying to start a new Youth revolution all over again what happened?
actually Not Looking Back happened because I was really mad at a certain someone she answered
you were mad? who dared piss off the songwriter? Fyn asked jokingly never piss off the songwriter or there will be big trouble that's just a general tip across the board
no, let me just tell everyone, she said it will be harder trying to cover up details anyways,
I don't know if people will think bad of me for it, but this is my life, and only I can live it,
so I decided not to care about people who think negatively of me because I want to be somebody who can be real with everyone, I don't have time to be trying to look pretty, to keep a nice image so, I have to lie to everyone and hide stuff,
doing that seems harder than just being straight about it and let everyone think what they may about me,
I have told everyone before that my parents divorced and abandoned me, some years ago, well my dad showed up again he saw that I had debuted and decided to come see me,
through Mr. Williams,
I dont blame Mr. Williams, he was trying to be helpful may be thinking that i may want to see my dad again,
though I do admit there are in fact a lot of shady labels and shameful things do happen in this industry,
so any parent would naturally be concerned, and not want their child just randomly
enter the entertainment business without making sure that
what their child is doing will be something safe and decent I have no problem with that at all
but my dad did not have good intentions or at least they were good intentions but only in his mind
he had nothing nice to say to me about what I'm doing with the band,
he completely disregarded everything I have done till now and completely doesn't care for it
he even implied that as a father he is ashamed and embarrassed of me,
he has not taken the time to listen to anything we have done he doesn't care that our songs are great or that we are only making music, we aren't committing a crime, we aren't doing anything indecent,
so hearing him say those disgusting things to me and to my bandmates made me so mad and upset I was furious, and I barged into the studio after we made him leave and wrote that song in the heat of fury it is my answer to everything he said to me
he didn't even try to apologize first for abandoning me
before tearing down everything I have done because it suited his purpose
he didn't even say he came to see me because he cared about me
he said his new pregnant wife was the only reason why he came back for me
i get that his new wife might have had good intentions maybe she pitied me or something
so she was the one who sent him to try to fix things with me
but he had this attitude that he had not willingly come on his own because he wanted to it was because she forced him to come to see me and it was like he was doing an unpleasant chore trying to placate his wife who is expecting soon
let me tell you something to all the parents out there who have abandoned kids
if you are in a situation where you want to reclaim that child
the first thing you need to do is apologize to that child very sincerely you must be willing to say you are sorry
you have to be willing to accept the fact, that while you were gone, that child had to survive and make a life for his or herself with their own two hands,
you have to be willing to understand what that child has been through
if you come back and that child is working in a decent job
is feeding, clothing his or her self and keeping a roof over his or her own head and paying their own bills that child has made a life for themself and has become just as independent and capable as you are
then you have to acknowledge and respect that
you can't just barge back into their lives as if nothing happened and be like
I'm here to rescue you so now you must come with me and do whatever I say because I'm the parent and I don't approve of your current lifestyle
bullshit! you lost that right the day you abandoned that child, to begin with
you were the one that caused the child to have to live this lifestyle that you don't like now
it's your fault that child ended up having to live this way
and now you think you have the right to look down on that child and tell them you don't approve?
you never should have left the child in the first place if you didn't want that to happen to them,
this is the consequence of what you have done to them, deal with it!
now you need to give that child a valid reason to trust you again, you need to make it up to that child for what you did wrong,
the trauma you caused by abandoning that child, is not something easily forgotten,
its a hard life lesson learned, when you have struggled through that on your own,
I became successful with my own ability, even if others can abandon me, I can't abandon myself
even if I can't trust others the only one I can trust is me,
if I have no one to rely on the only one I can rely on is me
everything is on me to get whatever I need now I have to live for myself I have to do whatever it takes
this is how a child who has been abandoned thinks!
I am not throwing away everything I have done thus far, all of this hard work and success,
for a life of uncertainty with people who have already destroyed the relationship and trust I had in them
I have Daisuke who I love dearly and I have my bandmates who are like a family to me
I don't need any more family especially not one who is unwilling to accept that this is what I'm going to do with my life
and my band? these are the people who are important to my life now who I am going to be with
Silver shadows are a packaged deal, you want me, you have to accept all of us she finished
I quite agree with you sienna on your decision Fyn said I think everyone will understand you and not think badly of you,
I think many fans will be on your side too, I can't imagine what you have been through and how hard it was for you
I am not you but when I hear you talk about it, I feel some type of way inside I feel the injustice to you, no child deserves to be abandoned,
the good thing is that you are talented, so you were able to find your way, there are a lot of other kids out there who are not so lucky,
I am sure you must serve as an inspiration to them, hearing your story I think its the silver lining in all this
that you're able to write songs and bring that positivity to other kids like yourselves you can let them know they aren't alone they arent struggling by themselves
I think it's important for those kids to have someone they feel like is on their side if your music can reach them and give them any kind of comfort and motivational push some kind of happiness
no matter what anyone else says it's worth it to be here doing this he said
Daisuke I also heard you had a similar family moment happen to you what was that like for you?
I bumped into my Huassain cousin on our way to Belezon Daisuke said he was on the same ship as us
he saw sienna and the girls at the buffet and recognized my scent and followed the girls back to me,
he came over and introduced himself and told me about my grandfather
who is the king of Huassain we spoke for a bit for me its the same thing as being a package deal with sienna and the band
I have no intention of leaving and going anywhere or doing anything else with my life or else I wouldn't be doing this right now
if being a prince of the planet was what I wanted to do with my life I would have gone back to Huassain ages ago and claimed my throne
my life is here with this band and by my girl's side I appreciate that he met me and that they were so respectful and understanding
and the apology video and everything else I appreciated that very much as long as they are
willing to have a good friendly relationship with me that doesn't encroach on my current life I am willing to get to know the Huassain side of my family
it's the same for all of us, actually, Liam said I am very happy to have found these group of friends and be with them and I don't think anyone could persuade me to leave this band no matter what they offer me
Kanna put her hand on top of his and squeezed it warmly Liam smiled and interlocked their fingers
and I'm very happy to be with this amazing crazy girl too he said
what? Fyn cried what are you guys doing right now? am I getting an exclusive? wait a minute I am not ready! he protested sitting up in his chair
everybody started laughing
the last time you came here you said Kanna was like a sister what changed between you two? Fyn asked
you did actually Kanna said to Fyn you made me think about Liam as a guy, and I'm not dating anyone, and he's not either and he isn't terrible
he knows me very well and he's the one guy I can trust and know I can rely on being in the band with him
I know him very well too, and I do have affection for him as a close friend, so I thought why not try to give it a go with Liam? maybe our friendship can be something more
I sort of agreed if we take it slow Liam said since I'm not used to it we can see if we can fall for each other but if it doesn't work out we can still be friends
and how has that been going for you two if you don't mind my asking? Fyn asked
its been nice Kanna said but it doesn't feel very different since we are together all the time
anyways, we all live together so I'm trying to be more affectionate and pay more direct attention to him and try to make things be a bit more special she admitted
and Liam what about you? Fyn asked
Liam had a bashful expression on his face its very good so far
it's not hard to be more affectionate to Kanna and spend more time with her like she said we are always together anyways and we have a good relationship as close friends I think
shes very cute as a girlfriend shes naturally caring and supportive but now she's even more so I get lots of hugs and she checks on me she gives me the kind of care she would show towards Kaleb but she gets
naggy at him at times so I'm waiting for that start then ill know she really likes me
so you want me to nag you like I do Kaleb? why? she asked in surprise I have been trying to be nice so you won't get mad at me!
thats exactly why Liam replied because thats the you I'm used to,
you don't have to be so nice to me all the time, that it's like you're trying really hard,
you will stress yourself out and get sick of me
when I haven't done anything just relax I'm not going anywhere, you can even boss me around too I won't mind too much,
she was looking at him with the softest
look thank you Liam thats so sweet she said
whatever he replied I just want you to be comfortable
do you guys hear him he wants Kanna to be comfortable so he will let her nag him and boss him around are you a masochist? Kaleb asked
oh shut up Kaleb she shot back you wouldn't understand what he means but I totally do and it's very sweet of him
she rested her head on Liam's shoulder with a happy smile Liam dropped a kiss on her forehead
wow thats awesome congrats to the two of you glad I got to play cupid unintentionally Fyn said making everybody laugh
I hope your relationship works out I mean it I wish you two the best
Kaleb, you are the last to go bro only dude in the band still single
I'm waiting for Miss Right to come along Kaleb said with a laugh I won't go down so easily
we'll see if we can find you, cute girlfriend, today Fyn said with a teasing grin we have a bunch of fans waiting to call in and chat with you
in our next segment I promised them we actually would this time
they have been waiting for you I am serious Kaleb you are so popular with the younger female fans
they always leave comments about you
we go to the phone lines after a break commercials came on a staff brought in drinks
and snacks for them and they had some light refreshment while they waited for the next segment to start
it soon began ten minutes later they were taking calls from fans answering questions fulfilling fun little request
when a caller came on
Hello a young female voice with an accent came on
hello this is silver shadows sienna she replied
hi I am Kiko calling from New Seoul Earth-Two
hello Kiko it's wonderful to hear from you I knew I recognized that accent from back home it's very charming I miss hearing it sienna said
thank you Kiko replied I hope you don't get mad at me
UH-OH, what did you do Kiko? sienna asked playfully
Kiko giggled I am fourteen years old and I became your fan after I saw your home
concert video when the star stream was going to crash everyone was freaking out so
I went to see what all the fuss was and I found you guys it was a really great
concert and I had a lot of fun watching it I was supposed to be studying but my grandma caught me she admitted
did you get into trouble? sienna asked
no, when grandma saw what I was watching
she watched it with me and then we watched all of your other videos too and learned all about you guys Kiko giggled
my goodness, what a cute grandma! thats very sweet of her to watch them with you sienna replied
why would you think I would get mad?
grandma recognized you that's why we ended up watching
everything about you Kiko said she showed me pictures of you
when you were young too you are my older cousin but your parents took you away to Prylea
and grandma never saw you again, she really misses you and your mom
when she heard you got abandoned and that you don't know where your mom is now she was very upset
shes worried about what happened to your mom so she called my uncle he works in space
and asked him to find her to make sure she's okay
but grandma doesn't want to let you know she thinks you'll be upset she told me not to reach out to you or bother you so she doesn't know I'm calling you now
its because you already had a hard time when they abandoned you grandma feels really bad about it and says it's her fault
you and your mom went into space because she never liked your dad even though your mom wanted to be with him
she didn't like him, even more, when he wanted to take you and your mom all the way to space far away from the family
and they had a fight about it and your mom got mad and left with you siennas hand covered her mouth in shock as tears spilled out of her eyes
Daisuke put his arm around her to comfort her
thank you, Kiko for calling in Daisuke said would you please leave us your contact details sienna would like to speak to you more privately
yes I can do that Kiko replied stay on the line we will take the rest of this call off air Fyn said
sienna went off the air to speak to her young cousin and get her contact info
and the call-in segment soon ended not long afterward
with sienna returning to the show but not saying much
the other members easily covered for her and they wrapped up the rest of the show well
they were soon in the horizon plane heading home again
my uncle is coming to Prylea to look for my mother she said to everyone I'm going to help
if I can somehow its been three years since she left I have no idea where she could be now
but for the sake of our family back home
it will put their minds at ease if they can know shes at least alive
and well so that they can stop worrying if maybe something has happened to her
its ok sienna we understand melody said sympathetically she might have abandoned you but she's still your mom
it's ok to say that you're worried about her well being its not like you wish her to be dead
sienna released a breathe as tears slipped down her cheeks Daisuke held her I wish you guys could understand
I literally watched my mom fall apart when my dad cheated on her she was the kind of mom
who was quiet she told me bedtime stories and baked me cookies and she liked going for walks in the evenings
and dad was her whole world she took care of everything to make our family comfortable and
happy at home and then when dad stepped out on her she changed she became distraught
hysterical she would scream and rage I had never seen my mother like that it
sienna released a bitter chocked sound as she tried to talk while crying
she didn't seem like herself so I think theres a chance she could have harmed herself
after she was divorced and she was alone and maybe thats why she has not contacted me
when I think about how wrecked she had become it's not hard to imagine she might have ended her own life
sienna that's, not your fault Daisuke said
I know that but I still feel like I should have looked for her sienna said
no, you stop it Daisuke said cradling her against his chest do not start blaming yourself
you did nothing wrong, you were already abandoned and struggling on your own,
you were a child in desperate need of rescue too, how could you have saved someone else?
you cant take responsibility for your parent's lives too, they were both adults who made mistakes and bad decisions
you will not let the blame of what became of their lives fall on you, none of it was your doing