After I passed the November 2005 Board Exam, Nemo and I continued our communication with each other. We send text messages and he's the one who calls everytime because I have no budget to load my cellphone unlike him who had got a stable job already. One time, he invited me to go out for the first time. He brought me to a hotel and our formal intimate relationship started. I remember he's short in money that time that he asked me for some amount, but I felt sorry for him because I have no hundreds in my pocket. I have no work yet and dependent on my close friend only who's supporting me that time. I saw his disappointment and I felt an awkward feeling about it, but I just ignored that sign.
My close friend who's supporting me financially that time was Ivy. She's a very good person, a solo child and her parents died already. We only met in College, and she's ahead of me one year I think, she graduated first before me. She had promised me before that she'll help me financially whenever she passed the Chemical Engineering Board exam and indeed it did come true. Only her passed the exam among them all. It's really a wish come true. She fulfilled her promised to me and helped me while I was reviewing for Board Exam in Manila. I lived with her in different rented rooms in Manila. We tend to transfer from place to place at times. She's the one who's paying the rent, buying the food, cooking the food and everything. She didn't want me to work for her, she just let me review. I stayed with my older brother and his wife for one or two months only I think then she helped me out immediately upon knowing I was there.
Ivy, my friend, bought all my necessary review materials and all the books. She gave me the allowance and would treat me as her true sister. I called her "Manang Ivy" as elder sister. She's a very generous person. She's working that time in one of the offices in Makati (later on I worked there also after almost 2 years, in 2007). She was a hardworking woman, and always extending overtime so that she could have an extra income. She's supporting me all the way until I got my first job, she'd still send me the allowance.
In latter time, one of my schoolmates and co-working student assistant named Allen lived also with us. He's like a feminine type of person. He's like my close friend in College and always my companion as a working student. He's same with me, a working student in Engineering department, we have the same Supervisor and office. He's the one who brought me food before in school.
Allen and I, both lived under Manang Ivy's rented room. The three of us were just fit in that small room we rent in Pasay area. I treated Allen as my bestfriend that time. Whenever we were alone in the room, each of us just talked, laughed and chatted many assorted things. We tend to laugh in every small details. There's no seriousness when we talked, we always laughed in every nonsense things.
We respected our privacy and there's an imaginary boundary only everytime we sleep. Allen was a good guy and respectful towards me and Manang Ivy. He dated many women too and would talked about it to me and he would go to different places just to meet assorted women. He's not serious either. I knew his secrets and I didn't intervene with his personal life, and same with me as well.
One time, Allen said, "Are you not afraid of dating Nemo?"
And I said, "No, I am not afraid." Because for me Nemo was a good guy that time.
I talked about it with Manang Ivy as well, and I told her the truth. But she's warning me always like a Mother. She talked to Nemo one time over the phone and it's not a good talk actually, she's like interrogating Nemo about me and she's like a terror woman. I knew her, the way she talks was like a bossy one. But Allen and I got used to her and we knew she's naturally like that, the tone of her voice, the sarcasm but she's a generous person and we're indebted to her financially.
Manang Ivy would always tell us not to pay her back with anything. She's just helping us not expecting in return. And advised us to help other people instead.
Nemo invited me the 2nd time to meet him, and this time, I'll be the one to go to a far place alone to meet him near his work. He just instructed me to ride a bus and the travelling hours took about 2-3hrs I think. I did go to that far place for the first time. I cannot forget it ever.
Next, days passed by, I still have no work, no reply from my online applications. I decided this time to go home. I talked to Nemo and he's okay about it though he said he doesn't want me to go.
I went home in Negros and applied in a SUGARMILLING company but it didn't work either.
One day, I received a text message, I have been invited for an interview in one of the companies I applied for online, and it's in Manila. So I decided again to go back in Manila.
I went back in Manila, and my first job was in IBIDEN, an Electronics Japanese Company. It was situated in Sto. Tomas Batangas, in First Philippine Industrial Park. I rented a room there also but we're 4 inside, it's a bedspace only.
Nemo and I were ongoing at that time and would check at me from time to time.
I remember the first time I went to pass my application in Ibiden, I met a gentleman and we're in the same batch. We became close and he's a soft guy, feminine also. He invited me to go to his church for the Sunday Worship. But along the way, unluckily, my shoes broke apart. The sole of my shoes broke, and I walked awkwardly limping. It's an embarrassing moment. I was standing and walking with that limping gesture everytime and not sure if everyone saw it. They were mostly rich people in the gathering and would invite me to go out with their cars, but I was so hesitant and shy. I made many alibis just to excuse myself everytime and decided not to join their Sunday worship ever again. I felt out of place, maybe in my mind only.
It's a mass hiring in that Japanese company, I think there were more than 26 batches of hired applicants that time. Most were fresh graduates from different schools, and mostly Engineers but different majors like Chemical, Electronics, Electrical and so on. We're trainees for 3 months, we didn't work, we just roam around in the company, observing and receiving our monthly salary. I met new friends in there, I befriended many of them and some of them became my enemies later on, though I didn't mean it.
But after 3 months of training, many had resigned, one by one had decided to resign. It's like a bad thing to the company. And after that, I was not sure if the Japanese management decided to stop the training program.
We're wearing bunny suit and different shoes inside the manufacturing. We cannot see our faces. My close friend, Karen, was a pretty woman with small eyes like Chinese and well formed nose and face. She had that pretty smile and we would always laugh inside the manufacturing, and exchanging letters. I kept her letters for me with that cute designs, cute shapes. She put the letters in our designated drawers where we change clothes. I was excited to read it everytime, she told me stories about her boyfriend, about the cute guys inside the manufacturing and asking me how's my day. It's a wide manufacturing and we hardly see each other's face inside. It's like we're astronauts with that close uniform.
(Later on, she went abroad and met her English Husband there in Dubai begetting 2 kids for the moment.)
It's my happy days meeting new friends and experiencing that kind of training in a Japanese company.
After 3 months, it's my formal work already and I was assigned in a WATER TREATMENT DEPARTMENT. And I was designated in the wastewater group as an ASSISTANT SUPERVISOR. All of us, the newly hired Engineers were assigned as ASV (Assistant Supervisor). I have my team and subordinates with me. And every group were shifting schedules. In my group, I have one girl subordinate only as water sampler and the rest are all boys, a few of them were older than me. It's a new challenge to me, I have no idea how wastewater works and how to do when trouble comes. I was observing only at first and dependent on the older subordinate of mine they called as team leader. I remember him with that bulging belly. Unlike inside the manufacturing, the WATER TREAMENT GROUP where I belonged was outside, a little far from the main plant. And we didn't wear bunny suit at all, instead, we're always wearing the hardhats, safety shoes and all light blue uniform (the jacket and pants). We're like a construction worker outside, sitting on the pipes, on the floor and stealing sleep behind the big tanks of the water during our night shift.
It's a compulsory overtime, 4 hours extension every day, like from 6am to 6pm (morning shift), 6pm to 6am (night shift).
It's my first time to do night shift, and it's a bit challenging. I could not sleep well during the day ifever I'm in nightshift schedule. And I could not eat well if I am in night shift. We have our company ID that has points as payment in our Company foodcourt, 1 point= 1 rice (hope I remember it well) and a few points for any viands. We didn't use money to buy food inside the premises and our breaktime has color coding through the string of our ID.
Later on, Nemo rarely texted me and rarely called up. I was worried and would ask him through text, but I received no reply at all. But still I kept on understanding him, that maybe he's only busy. At times, I was disappointed and would question him why he's like that, but I received nothing. I felt bad about it but everytime he called up again, I felt happy once more and would forget that he never communicated for too long.
He was re-assigned later on in different city, in Ortigas (from Batangas), still the same Company.
He told me that, he texted me and called me over the phone. I was in the house of my cousin that time in Tondo, Manila. That night, while we're talking over the phone, he suddenly cut me off, it was like he's talking with other people. I remember he said he wanted to meet me, but days passed by, he didn't communicate again.
I felt that something amiss with him those days. Months passed by, I think 2 to 3 months already, I received no communication from him. I felt not good. And it's like a torture to me, a mixed feeling of worry and frustration, my mind was in chaos with what ifs and maybe's. But I was still hopeful afterwards.
I tried to contact him, but he's out of reached, his number was not the same anymore.
I tried to call different numbers, but different men answered, it was his workmates.
And they won't tell me anything either. I texted him many things through those numbers, maybe his workmates were laughing at me, mocking at me. But one time, I received a message, "...if you want to stay, stay…"
On my work, it's only almost a year but I felt I worked there for several years already. A day felt like a year in that company. One day, our Team manager and Supervisors called a meeting. We're just standing there inside a small office surrounded with many control panels. The Japanese bosses would visit us the following week to audit our area, and what are our improvements. So, everyone panicked after the meeting. Joie, one of ASV's like me, a small woman too (long straight hair and brown skin, a talkative one who is good in playing with words, said this to me, "ANNE what will we do. It's already next week."
And I responded with no feelings, "Let's just do what we can, and let go what we cannot do…"
Uttering softly, "bahala na… (come what may)"
Little did I know that she was offended by my words.
I didn't know at first that my words went wrong to her. I just continued my work and do what I can do, without worrying anything. I was not afraid of Japanese people at that time, but they're afraid because some of the Japanese bosses were hyper and would get angry at times (they're gossiping about that one boss who breaks things everytime he's angry).
Joie instantly went down the steel stairs and proceeded to talked about me to the different Supervisors.
And I heard that she was crying there while talking about me as if I quarreled her. I was a bad one in her story, she said I didn't care at all.
I didn't mind it, my subordinates told everything about it to me.
They said, "Ma'am Anne, Ma'am Joie is telling that…. (blahh blahhh blahh)…"
Other ASV's talked to me and they did understand me, they consoled me.
One ASV woman said, "What did she do to you? Just tell us and we'll help you."
One of them said, "She's doing that to Anne because Anne's face was like 'APIHIN'… (opposite of oppressor)."
They're good, but I was a bit shy to open up to them and awkward to stay longer. I merely smiled at them and would just answer their question, it's like one question-one answer only and I would fall silent.
Many months passed, I passed my resignation to my TEAM MANAGER, a Japanese middle-aged man. He's tall, slender, and good looking. He's a quiet one and spoke softly. He didn't accept my resignation and would always ask why, why, why. Later on, I just accepted his offer to transfer me to a different position, where there's no night shift schedule. I was assigned under Sir Mark supervision. He was a cool guy, easy go lucky as in he's late everytime, it's like he's doing what he wants, would go to work at any time. He was the MATERIAL CONTROLLER in the whole water treatment plant. He trained me well and he taught me on how to monitor the supply (chemicals, reagents, etc.) and when to order to the supplier. I faced different chemical and equipment suppliers with Sir Mark. We went everywhere, roaming around always and would spend our time in the snack house near the plant, in the construction area, the small eatery of the construction workers. We're like buddies enjoying our time eating there and he's buying everything for me, it's his treat always. He got the money and he's like boasting it though his joking it to me only. He's like a comedian and many workers found him funny, a funny guy with that great sense of humor.
Sir Mark was training me because he had the plan to resign as well, to chase her desired woman abroad, in Dubai that time. Little did he know that I will leave first before him and it disappoints him later.
I have no 2nd plan to resign at first but Manang Ivy called me up over the phone and hurrying me to resign so that I could replace her. She wanted to resign in her company to go in Singapore but her boss won't let her unless there's a replacement in her current position. I felt confused, because I was new in my 2nd position, and I already attempted to pass my resignation. But I have a debt of gratitude to her, so I cannot deny her request.
I passed my 2nd resignation paper once again to the Japanese manager, and he cannot do anything this time. I was already decided, and no further offer could ever stop me this time. Later on, he just allowed me, and he took my cellphone number. He asked a few details about where I will go. And I didn't put any malice about his asking my personal things.
It's my 2nd job in the new company, and I was hired October 2007. I stayed in my first job for more than a year only. I became a regular employee after 6 months. At around the month of December, Nemo called me up over my cellphone and he's singing. The first time I received a videocall from him. It's like making "harana" to me, wooing me to give him a chance. He already knew that I got a new job near his work unlike before. Though I decided to let go of him after several months of ghosting me, but still my heart melted, I was easily fooled once again. I did accept him once more. Our relationship was like an ON and OFF relationship, it's like floating, hanging everytime with no end and would return once he remembered to text/call/message me. I would feel angry at him because he'll disappear for many months with no goodbyes but I'll feel okay at an instant when he appears again by his simple text or call, I would feel happy again. I was like a fool.
Slowly, I discovered his likes, hobbies and observed his behavior. He liked everything that has a DRAGON symbol. Everything with DRAGON, dragon shirts, dragon stuff, he wanted to buy it. He told me at times, to buy a shirt for him, a shirt with a dragon. And he likes to wear BLACK shirts. He's a chainsmoker and he's not husband material type of person. He likes to be around his barkada/friends, hanging out with his friends, workmates but he didn't bring me outside to meet them ever. He didn't bring me to out of towns trips. I was like a hidden girlfriend. He likes MAGIC cards, airsoft and computer games. He wanted to talk about happy moments only, but never ever ask him personal things about his ex-wife or family matters. And above all he'll get angry when I'll ask him about us seriously or I'll question him about something. He didn't like to be confronted.
It's his birthday month, January 2008. He invited me to go out once more and we met again. That time he was a bit drunk, and I got pregnant. I discovered I'm pregnant at around February. I told him through text that I was pregnant, and he was devastated. He suggested abortion, that was his first advice. But I disagree with him, I never ever agree with ABORTION. For me ABORTION is a great SIN. He cannot change my principles in life. I loved him but I cannot follow everything that is so sinful, for me it's killing an innocent life, it's more sinful than what we have done.
I argued with him over the phone, and I could feel the tension through his voice. Then he put down the phone as usual. Then, I received no text or call once again for many days.
I was new in the company, and I talked to my Supervisor over my current situation. I decided to resign once again. But my boss advised me not to do it for the sake of the baby that I was carrying. I told him everything that I was a single mother and the father of the baby is nowhere to be found and won't commit.
He was a great boss though many didn't like him but later on he became a godfather of my child and same with my other workmates too.
Nemo did talk to me after a month, we met and talked about my plans. However, same things happened, he's on and off and I would say bad words against him everytime, until he changed his number once again and cannot contact him anymore.
October came, my boss told me to take a vacation leave already though I didn't want at first. I took a vacation leave. I was alone in my room before but later on my girl workmate lived me there too, temporarily. I was strolling in a mall when I felt my belly was aching so I decided to go home, riding a taxi cab. As I went down from the taxi, water burst out inside of me. There's a sound of THUNDER and LIGHTNING suddenly. It's like a coincidence. As if the sound of thunder and lightning signaled that it's time for my child's birth. I felt a little pain and it's good that only water came out from me not blood.
I called my workmate to get me a taxi cab towards a lying in clinic where I used to do my check up always. After a few minutes, the taxi cab arrived with my workmate, and I arrived in the clinic after a 15-20 minutes.
I messaged Nemo that I was about to give birth but I didn't receive any message and tried to call his number but to no avail.
I walked back and forth to ease the pain of labor but the nurse stopped me. She's afraid my water will run out. So I just lie down in my bed and endure the pain of labor.
Some of my officemates visited me and accompanied me. But while I was laboring in pain they're talking out loud and noisy, I felt that my pain was increasing if I heard the noise, so I told them to stop talking/laughing.
I was in the delivery room at around 6am I think, the next day, I didn't sleep the whole night. I told the nurse to call the doctor in charge so that she will help me on how to deliver the baby the right way. However, the nurse said that the doctor would just come here if I already delivered the baby outside. I was helpless, I wanted someone to help or assist me but I felt I was alone that time. I realized that no one could help me to deliver the baby except my own self. So I tried hard to push the baby as long as I could, until at around 7am, I successfully bring the baby out from my belly and I passed out for a few seconds/minutes.
I woke up and a little drowsy. I saw the doctor was already present and I saw another doctor as well. They're holding the baby, as if checking him, it's a boy. At first, I was confused as I woke up, I asked myself, "Whose baby is that?" And I tried to put my senses back and realized I just gave birth to a baby boy. The doctor was worried because the baby didn't cry unlike the other babies (same with me when I was a baby according to my mother, they thought I'm dead or sick, I was not crying too or making any sound.) She did try to slap the back of the baby for him to cry but he didn't thus she called another expert.
I filled up the form for the LIVE birth certificate of my baby, and due to my anger, I didn't put any FATHER'S NAME and I put N/A instead. I delivered the baby at around 7am, October 14, 2008.
I was not sure if I stayed one day in the lying in clinic, but I just paid the clinic in full (P10,000+) from my SSS benefits and went home immediately, just riding a taxi cab going to my small rented room, an old store.
At the first day, I didn't know how to take care of the baby. We were alone that time, my workmate already left us the next days. Noone helped me or taught me, but I was so glad that the baby rarely cries.
My mother previously went to me, she traveled to Manila to visit me but she went home after a few months. I thought she will help me but she left me alone. She's disappointed at me, and said a few bad words against me. She's not happy (I understand) because I brought shame to them, I have no husband. Before during my school days, my parents were very proud of me because I was always on top of the class with many awards and would tell everyone that I was with honor and graduated engineering. My father would say to others, "My daughter is an Engineer!" And I would hush them at times because I was ashamed, my work wasn't a high paying one. And I didn't feel I was an Engineer because my work was not related to it presently.
And my elder sister went to me as well, I gave them all the money to travel going here. But she left me alone as well because she found a job in Manila. I thought she will assist me too but I didn't expect my mother and my sister weren't that so affectionate at all or maybe something's wrong with me. My Manang Ivy visited me as well, but she's disappointed at me. The same things happened, like my Mother, sister, my close friend Manang Ivy left me too alone. All of them was disappointed at me, I was a bit moody during my pregnancy days and felt heartbroken at the same time, and I cannot avoid to answer back at them everytime they'll blame me of my depressing situation. Manang Ivy was used to treating me as an obedient child who's always saying yes to her command, but this time, I answered back at her and defended myself by saying, "I didn't regret anything! I love this child, I love his Father. Why should I be ashamed?"
I stand on my own feet, and faced my current situation alone. And I didn't show that I was weak. The one way I hid my sadness was to become angry everytime. I felt sensitive and would feel easily angered in every small thing. And I was so frank about it, and would confront everyone, and I never minded if I would quarrel the whole world.
Rats and cockroaches were crawling around my small room and I was awakened by them suddenly in the middle of our sleep and I'm afraid the baby would be crawled by it. Sometimes, I would just leave the baby along in a wooden crib to buy for his diapers and other things on the nearest drugstores. I would just ask the landlady near the room to check my baby from time to time.
And I would proceed to wash our dishes and prepare food and I forgot to turn my baby on his side. He's just sleeping all day with a plastic sheet on his back. I had no idea that time, that the baby's back should be maintain dry. The baby perspired and it just dried on his back. His wet shirt just dried on its own. I overlooked the baby's wet shirt because he's just sleeping soundly. I fed my baby through bottle only. He won't accept my breast milk, he was not contented. Because the first milk he tasted was the canned milk given by the nurse without my knowledge.
He felt sick after a week. He coughed and coughed. He's hungry and wanted to drink his milk but he's choking because of the cough. He cannot sleep well due to the cough and he cried out loud. My neighbor landlady was curious and asked me about it. I was nervous and didn't know what to do. She suggested to give an oregano extract, I tried but it became worst.
I was panicking already. I barely got a good sleep. I rode a taxi cab and went to a nearest private hospital in Makati. But according to them, it's full and the only available one is the emergency room but I need to pay P1000+ per day. I was shocked it was so expensive and I have no enough money. My baby was still a newborn and I hadn't process yet the papers for him to include in my Medicard beneficiary. So I leave immediately and told the taxi driver to bring me to any hospital for children that's affordable only.
The taxi driver brought me in the Quezon City National children hospital. It was my first time there. Many people are in a long queue. I waited as well, following then in a long line.
But as I arrived in the doctor's table, she said that she cannot admit my baby in the hospital. I insisted that the baby cannot drink his milk anymore due to a hard cough but the doctor won't listen. As if it's only normal and the baby might be inflicted by other diseases inside. And I told her in a trembling voice (due to anger), " I WILL PAY WHATEVER AMOUNT!"
At last, she admitted my baby in the hospital. I have the PHILHEALTH that time that could decrease a few amounts from the hospital bill. I am ready for WAR that time! I am trembling and at the same time I felt like I want to cry out loud, but I tried to control myself. I was like insane.
My baby cried once again, I brought no milk anymore. I ran out of bottled milk. But I brought with me a small bottle of distilled water. I tried hard to hush the baby, dancing and swaying him. They brought us in the emergency room and after checking it, we were brought in our designated room. The nurse strictly told me not to feed the baby anything, even a bottle of milk. They inserted a needle to the baby's skin attaching to a hanging dextrose beside the bed. And the baby was not contented, he's hungry, super hungry. I gave him the bottled water but he continued wailing. I talked to the other mother near our bed, the other patients were inside the wide room too. I asked one of them to watch my baby (though it's strictly forbidden to leave the child alone) so that I could buy baby's milk outside. I have no choice but to buy milk and leave my baby alone to strangers.
But as I returned in the room, the nurse was there already, and she reprimanded me not to leave the baby again. I kept quiet and she didn't know I bought a carton of milk inorder to feed my baby. I feed my baby secretly thus the baby didn't cry out loud anymore. They kept on testing my baby, many times, it was like 3 times they took a container filled of blood from my baby. And another time, they're about to take another blood, and I protested this time because the baby was crying out loud everytime. I questioned the hospital stuff why they're doing that, it's so over to test and get the blood for more than 3 times. They said they'll bring it to a different hospital to test it and I didn't agree. They gave me a form and I signed it. They just accepted my decision.
After a few days, I observed that the baby was suffering from diarrhea, mostly water went out from his bottom. I complained it to the nurse but they said it's normal. I think it's more than 3 days already, when I decided to go out from the hospital. But the hospital hesitated but I insisted to go already since my baby seems already fine. They cannot stop me so I just signed a waiver form.
I was thankful that my baby became healthy as we went out of the hospital. His muscles were bulging and he had the great appetite every hour I think he wanted to drink milk, maybe because of the antibiotic effect ( I don't know).
It's coincidence, that my younger brother who I supported in his studies in College (studying education in his 3rd year) got sick, unexplainable sickness where his whole body was bulging and according to some doctor it's a lot of water inside him. The doctor tried to remove the water inside his body, and it was okay at first. But it returned afterwards after a few days, his body enlarged again. There was a story I found later on in his diary, that he stayed overnight in school during their event, and as he went home the next day, my mother was very angry at him. She scolded him thus he didn't sleep that day and went on riding the pedicab (trysikad), fetching and delivering the passengers back and forth. My mother's mouth was nonstop at home. My younger brother, Atoy, after a tiring day, took a bath. The next day, he got sick and his whole body swells and he cannot walk.
I sent money for him to travel in Manila to accompany me. He helped me as I went out from the hospital. He's the one who took care of my baby when I was not around. Then, my Aunt, Tita Susan offered her help too. I just paid her a monthly amount of P2000.
We transferred to a different rented room once again. I rented a studio type in Pasay City.
I have no news about Nemo and I returned to work after 2 to 3 months.
I kept on searching him online and Facebook was new that time. I saw his profile on Facebook, and a new woman. Their pictures were posted publicly, and they're out of town always, with their swimming attires. The woman was fond of posting his half naked body online, she likes to wear sexy attires, she's like a liberated one. I saw their pictures, sweet pictures, sweet messages online, flirting comments with each other. They're not embarrassed at all, they're over PDA.
I messaged the woman and asked her about him and told her he was the father of my child. I asked her where he was. But she denied everything. She said she never knew him. She lied at first but later on she confirmed that they're in a relationship. She called over the phone and asked me about him. And she was discontented also. I talked to her in a respectful manner. But I emailed Nemo and told him that his current new girlfriend had talked to me. And there he started to communicate to me once again because he and the girl (like a spoiled brat) were in a troublesome moment.
It's a long story about that spoiled girl, his GF and we exchanged many annoying and ugly words online.
It was a nonsense childish exchanges between the girl (I didn't meet personally), me and him.
The girl won't accept defeat and in the end, I just skipped her messages and deleted it for my own peace of mind.
(August 24, 2022 5pm)