After a few months, I was forced to move to a different rented house. Many men (police and bank authorities) arrived and wanted to move us out immediately. They said the bank wanted to get our unit, maybe it's a collateral, the landlord was bankrupt. I was panicking that time and when the baby saw that I was moving back and forth, he cried out loud as if he feels also what I feel. The baby won't let others hold him ifever I was around especially after work. And same with me too, I won't let them hold my baby if I was there, as if I was a possessive one. The baby and me were the same – so attached to each other.
Immediately, I went to other place to find another house and luckily, I had found another studio type unit in Taguig, around the Muslim community. The owner was a Muslim. We moved in there, and it's semi-secluded since taxi cab won't venture to go inside, they're afraid of the Muslims, only tricycles or private vehicles of the residents could go inside.
My Aunt decided to move out and went back to her work, leaving me and my brother Atoy to take care the baby. Then, my other younger brother came too in Manila, Joemarie. Joemarie was 12 years old that time, a fresh graduate from elementary grade. He wanted to continue his studies but I cannot afford to do it that time in Manila. I remember he's too small, too thin and alone when he boarded in a ship with no cellphone. Other people thought he was a beggar or just went astray because he had no guardian with him and he's dragging a sack filled with large langka fruit. I fetched him in the Manila pier and I felt pity for him because he's too young to travel alone. My mother didn't mind at all or maybe she's too trusting.
My two younger brothers, Joemarie (younger than Atoy) and Atoy were taking care of the baby when I go to work. My schedule one time was 3pm to 12 midnight. When I arrived home, they're all asleep already and only the baby would immediately open his eyes while I'm opening the door slowly. The baby was a sensitive one, he could feel instantly when I was in the door as if he's welcoming me always. That midnight, I felt sick, I felt my bones weakened and cannot stand up. I felt that I was about to pass out. I commanded my two brothers to help me, to massage my whole body because I cannot feel anymore. I told them to press my muscles very hard, at first it has no effect and I put ointments like white flower. I prayed to the Lord, and together my two brothers are pressing hard my whole body for me to feel my body again. I thought cold air enters my body since I was travelling midnight and by tricycle traversing the open cold air of the night. Luckily, I felt okay afterwards, I could feel my senses now.
Every morning before I go to work, I would bring my baby outside, in the new place. I would carry him while walking around the community. And while walking I would just talk to him about anything like he's my bestfriend. He's just listening as if he could understand me, he cannot talk yet and he didn't utter any noise.
His father Nemo admitted that he had many girlfriends, many women at the same time. I leave him alone already. I got many problems inside my head already and I didn't ask him for any support anymore like financially. For me, if he's a responsible one, he would do it on his own even though he's not ask.
I baptized my baby the next year 2009 in a Catholic Church. I invited all my boss and workmates, they're all the godparents of my baby, I think they're more than 20 people. The priest was laughing when he saw me and said that I brought "a whole barangay" with me. And he mentioned that some people made it as a "BUSINESS". I didn't understand what he meant by business thing that time. Later on, after the baptism, each of the godparent gave us the gifts and money. I had collected a large amount and many baby toys and baby clothes that he could wear until he grows up. Then, I understood what the priest meant by business. I have no idea that the godparents would give money and many gifts in Manila, because I grew up in the province and the culture there is different.
The baby's first birthday, October 2009, was held near the office where I work in a fastfood chain (Jollibee), a few steps away only beside the office tower. I was very thankful that the godparents (my workmates) helped me in the expenses. One of the godparents, April, collected an amount per head and they gave it to me to pay for the venue and the food. Some of the godparents were very generous and always remember to give gifts every Christmas, and I was collecting a lot of gifts for my baby. I didn't intend to do that but later on I avoided it, I felt embarrassed.
September 2009 came, it's my offwork and typhoon ONDOY devastated the Philippines. Many got stranded along the way from work, it's a devastating calamity. And I was so thankful to the LORD that we transferred place immediately and it was my day-off. The bankrupt owner's place where we rented before was flooded too, the water rose higher. There I realized that sometimes the sudden problem or trouble is a blessing in disguise to save us from possible danger or harm.
The next year, 2010 month of October, my college classmate, Mara invited me to teach in College in Bacolod city, Negros Occ, near my hometown. I went home again, resigned from work after 3 years and taught as a Chemistry and Physics Instructor in a Maritime College in first year and 2nd year students.
My son was 2 years old that time, and I left him there in my parent's house at first. I rented a room near the College where I work in Bacolod City (2 to 3 hours away from home). But later on, I brought my child with me while I was teaching but it's a difficult one, to teach and to watch my baby at the same time.
I left home together with my baby because of my mother again. My mother talked nonstop and blaming me always of everything. She would scold me, and shout at me about my mistakes. I have no peace of mind inside the house whenever my mother was around. She would always found a wrong in my every move, as if she's always watching if I made a small mistake in the house. One time, I bought a grocery with many baby's food like biscuits and candies, and then there were many kids too in the house, the kids of my sisters. I gave them one by one the food, all her grandkids, however, they're not contented and would consume all the food and would ask again. It so happened that the time she saw that the kids ask the food again, but I already hidden the remaining food for the next day food of my baby. She misinterpreted my action and she yelled immediately; her voice was so loud that even the whole neighborhood could hear her, but she didn't mind. For her, I became greedy and selfish, and I tried to explain it to her, but she won't listen ever. She wanted to embarrass me to all of my neighbors and she's even proud of it, shouting many nonsense things. I told her, "Is that being godly?"
I answered back at her and she grabbed my hair and punched my head, slapping me everywhere as usual as what she's doing to me since I'm young. She's a cruel mother with a fast hand and sharp tongue. My father was a behave man, he wants to stop my mother but he cannot make it. He has no power over my mother. I remembered I moved out from the house 2 or 3 times I think carrying my baby with me. My son cried out loud as he saw my mother beating me through her hands. I instantly packed up my bags and went through the door. My mother continued shouting at me while she saw me walking out. I cannot imagine what my face was that time, carrying my bags and the baby.
We stayed in Manang Ivy's house near Bacolod city, one hour away from where I work. At that time, she was in Singapore and only her single Aunt was living in there. I just leave the baby to her Aunt when I go to work, though the baby kept on wailing every morning, he didn't want me to leave him there alone.
I didn't stay long in teaching. I found out that it took 3 years before I became a permanent employee and needed to have a Master's degree (I haven't taken it yet).
I still remember Nemo and sent an email to him that I was teaching there. I was surprised he replied to my email and said if I want, I could go back to work in Makati, he sent me the job opening in my previous company.
At around April 2011, I sent a text to my previous boss if there's still an opening and ifever I could go back again to the work. Sir Efren, the boss that time, replied to my text message and he accepted my return if I wanted to. I returned to Manila again, travelling by sea, and I was hired immediately April 2011 as a PERMANENT employee, back to my original post. Since then, I stayed in the company from 2011 to 2022 (the present). Though after a few months, I applied to a different position, to a more stable group (no shifting schedules), closer to the HR group. I transferred to different positions during my stay in the same company.
Within 5 years (2011-2016), I stayed in a group and met mostly women workmates. I met a respectable boss, a female manager, who defended me from my attackers (gossipers) in the company. She hired me in her group. And her subordinates were mostly sophisticated, more professional women. And there's a senior man who previously worked in Customs too that I found too kind and humorous. The group were well behaved unlike from my previous workgroup. I liked them, and I enjoyed working with them, and most of all it's dayshift only and the work is very light.
And Nemo returned to me again at around 2011, but he's still the same, he'd appear and disappear if he wants to.
At around 2012, I took out my baby again from my parents, the same thing had happened as I went home, the same scenario. My mother's mouth and offensive words pushed me to escape from them and not to stay long with them.
I struggled with my baby and troubled where to go and where to leave my baby when I'm at work.
Nemo would disappear the instant he'd know that the baby was with me. He never ever visited my baby and won't try to call him and talk to him. He's avoiding my baby the whole time until the present. The main reason why I was sending him bad messages everytime was he's hiding from his son, my baby. The main reason I was angry at him. When he received my message about my son, he instantly cut our communication and he'll change his number most of the time or maybe he blocked my number.
I remember one time, back in 2010 when I was teaching in college, a stranger man came nearer to me and the baby. We're in a public plaza, sitting with my baby when the stranger hugged us tightly. I cannot breathe due his strong, tight hug. I told him to let us go, but he won't, he wanted me to become his wife. I saw that my son was happy, because the man wants him to be his father. I was afraid that time, that stranger might be dangerous, and I was thankful that he let us go afterwards. Maybe he had his senses back already. He left after a few minutes, we talked shortly and we waved goodbye to him.
Then I asked the baby, 'Do you want him to be your father?" And the baby nodded and uttered a few words, "yes". I felt pity for the baby it seems that he's searching for a father figure. That's why I was always trying to contact Nemo but to no avail. Nemo would just appear to me when I was alone but would disappear if my son was with me.
In Year 2012, I left my son to my Aunt Susan's brother, a train away from my work and would visit them every weekend. However, his situation there was not good, it's a squatter area where dirty smelly water was always flooding in the canal around them. I saw that my son had many insect bites and got raised bumps swelling on his legs. I was renting as a bedspacer that time near work, and decided to bring my baby with me. It's a difficult situation in the bedspacer room, with different people and background. Some of my roommates was working in a bar as a prostitute, and the other was a single mother with her adopted daughter inside.
I met a friend while eating my lunch in a small eatery. She's cooking and selling food for lunch that time. She's a talkative woman and a cheerful one. I opened up to her about my problem and I asked her if she could take care of my baby and would just pay her an amount to babysit him during daytime only. And she did agree to it. I was so blessed and thankful. Starting that day, she became my close friend, she took care my baby well and fed him well. My every morning routine was walking with my son going to her house before I go to work. And at around 5pm my offwork , I fetched my son there and walked back to our rented room a few meters away from them. It seems most of the people there saw us every morning and every afternoon, because the two of us were talking while walking down the road as if we're two kids chatting and laughing about anything.
I called my close friend, Ate Rose. She had two children, a girl and a boy. Her son and daughter were studying in college that time and her husband was in Saudi Arabia working in a construction site.
My son was 3 years old already that time and I enrolled him in a public daycare center near Ate Rose' house. We stayed in Makati rented room from 2012 to 2018. During our stay, Ate Rose and her kids treated us as a close family. Ate Rose was fond of cooking and we're always full. She's taking care of my son like his own son. And we chatted for long hours because she's full of stories kind of woman. But I heard that they're teasing my son, they told him that his father was the stranger who's always eating there, a construction worker. And my son believed them too, and wanted to go to that man, he's too young and he easily believed but they kept on doing that. Afterwards, they told them that it's not true and my son felt bad, and I could feel his hopelessness and his desire to have a father.
I decided afterwards to bring back my son to my parent's house again to continue his 1st elementary grade. Though I didn't like my mother at times, but I cannot stop sending them money every month as my financial support to them, because I know that they're suffering too in poverty. I was afraid that time because there were times that Ate Rose was delayed in fetching my child in school and the boy just rode in a tricycle and went back home alone.
We traveled by sea again and my son already knew that he would stay there in my parents' care. He was 5 years old that time, year 2014. I heard that Nemo went to Italy with his kids that time to see his ex-wife. I still felt hurt within me, I cannot move on still. I got many bad dreams, and my pain was so strong everytime I dreamed of him with other women. I suffered in silence and kept on holding on.
I left my child (though heart aching) and returned alone in Manila, in my small rented room. I cannot sleep well at times and almost everyday I called my son over the phone. He's so talkative and would always talk to me for the long hours, I kept on talking to him while walking towards my work and walking back at home during the night nonstop. I made sure I have a load on my phone always, if not, I could not sleep well. I just sent money to them every payday.
I prayed hard to the LORD hoping I could see Nemo again. I was nonstop in praying until it really happened. I dreamed of a man who returned to me and a man who carried me on his arms braving many big obstacles. And my dream came true later on. I was asking the LORD always everynight, I felt alone and sad most of the time. I said that I was too sinful, and people treated me as an embarrassing one. And many belittled me I think and misinterpreted my actions, gossiping about me that I have a bad attitude person.
I kept on sending Nemo messages though I haven't received any reply.
Year 2015 came, Nemo did come to me. He called over the phone and the first phrase he said was, "Do you have money?" He wanted to borrow money that time, he just came from Italy and had no work. But I cannot give him anything too because I was short in budget too. It started there and we're back, I forgot all those bad memories behind in the past. Year 2016, he got a new job and I got a new position too, the action that I had regretted because it's a very stressful job. My new job was a stressful one, in shifting schedules, and suffered from acidity since I forgot to take a break and just sat there in front of my PC drinking coffee and didn't take a rest day. Nemo returned to me and I thought he's more serious that time. He would lived with me almost everyday, until he slowly made it every weekend only. He met new people too, in his new job but he didn't tell me where it was. I felt that he's hiding the place where he worked. And later on I found out that he's lying everytime. He's still the same. He said he stayed overtime so he cannot see me, but I saw him in Facebook with his friends attending a wedding or sometimes I saw them hanging out with his friends. But I was wondering why he will lie everytime. I felt offended and the painful memories flashback in my mind. I would quarrel him over that lying issue thru text messages, and I would flood his phone because he's not replying. The more he won't reply the more I was angry and would send many messages. But once he replied back, I would stop instantly.
Our relationship is a semi roller coaster. I just endured it for a long time because I loved him. Although I felt that he was seeing different women too like before. I kept on dreaming of a woman who's trying to go near him despite she knew we're together.
Year 2018 came, I took a vacation leave and my son wanted to stay with me, it's summer time. I told my son about his father and he's so excited to see him. I thought Nemo had changed already and could face now his son personally. I felt that I was doing it for the sake of my son only. So my son was so excited to come with me in Manila to see his father. I told Nemo beforehand of my plan, that maybe he cannot see me whenever my son was around, and I was telling him to meet me still outside whenever our son's here. And I was asking, 'How can we meet when our son is here?" But he's silent.
The same thing happened whenever my son was around. I saw that my son was disappointed and so I was just consoling him and doing anything I could to forget him. My son was a cheerful boy and would just believe anything I'd say. At times, I told him, "When someone asked you who is your Father, just tell him your father is in heaven."
He would just smile. His name is Gabriel. And whenever we read stories about angel Gabriel, he would say, "Mommy, I am an angel." And I would say, "Psssh, don't tell the others that you are an angel." He was just nod, and I was just joking that time.
And sometimes when we're walking down the road, he'll ask, "Where is my father, mommy?"
And I'd answer nonsensically, "Maybe he drowned in the ocean. Maybe he cannot walk, or his legs were cut that's why he cannot go to us."
In a serious tone, I said, "Just forgive him Gab. Maybe he's lost and doesn't know anything. Maybe he had a problem. Don't hate him it's bad."
It seems he could understand me. I was afraid that ifever I put a hate in his heart, it would affect his behavior. Though sometimes I cannot avoid to speak bad words against his father everytime I was angry at him and remember him, coz I cannot control my temper at times.
At around 2017, I was confused and wanted to resign luckily another opportunity came to me. Sir Dodong called me over the phone and asked if I wanted to work in his group. It's my lucky day, heaven answered my prayers. I got hired in a better position in the same company. I stayed for more than a year only to that stressful job I regretted, though my previous boss won't let me go before.
It's year 2018 when I formally started my new "work from home" job. Nemo and I separated ways already.
I saw him in the Instagram, spending time with his workmates, females and males, in Singapore. My heart ached as I saw him with another women. I could feel that my muscles were trembling. It's registered in my mind, that in every new work he could meet new women as well. It's his history and he told me personally that he had that kind of relationships, flings to different women at work, many women at the same time. He had influenced me everything, a bad influence actually, teaching me all sort of worldly things, showing me all the bad sides in the world, purely lusts. As if my whole world only revolves around him, I was blinded.
I sent him the message confirming that I saw him and how it hurts me so bad that he chose to enjoy on his own with the other women's company, while we're here with my son waiting for him, suffering, searching for his attention (especially my son). And I told him that he needs to clear things, to end things between us and to be frank to me, to be honest with me whenever he loves other women already. I don't want us to have a hanging relationship, to just leave with no goodbyes and he's old enough for that, to face me as a matured person. I said a lot of things. I want a clear ending.
And he called me up over the phone after a day, he said he's looking for a new job in Singapore, and he ended things between us. He said these words which hurt me most:
"There's no future for us…"
"I want to travel the world…"
And according to him his ex-wife (I don't know if it's ex already or if they're ongoing) would return home.
I wanted to talk still to him but he ended our conversation by saying, "Stop the drama…. FORGET ME."
I wanted him to stay but I said, "OKAY, enjoy, thanks…"
And he said, 'Just give me your account number to send money for Gab."
And I replied, "No need. You told me to FORGET you, so what's the reason…?"
Then, it ended there between us.
I was hurt again and again. I cried silently, trying to hide from my brother Atoy who had visited me that time, trying to control my tears whenever others were around. I was aching more for my son, I wanted him to see his father but I cannot do it. I was full of drama but it really hurts.
I was alone one time in my room, when I heard the Lord's voice (for the first time), he's speaking in English when he said this, "I WILL BRING YOU TO CANAAN."
And I instantly answered, "YES MY LORD." As if I already knew him.
I didn't understand it yet (until it happened...in reality, moving to a different place, not literally CANAAN).
Bu before that, I got many dreams and experienced many strange magical things, like my phone was ringing with no caller number and many coincidence happened in reality. I did experience many things to awaken me to my true self. In 2014, I heard many voices saying, "QUEEN OF ANGEL. She's the queen." And encountered strangers on the road, female strangers, pretty girls surrounding me, and they said, "Do you know that there's a queen in heaven?"
I kept on dreaming of angels and fighting a demon too.
Fast forward, after several months, I was forced to move out from the rented room and transferred to a rented house away from the city. It's October 2018, I moved to different place, it's a house this time. Since I was working from home, no need to travel far anymore. My son was with me and I could hear strange voices now. And whenever I was down and confused why I was transferring from place to place, I could hear a good song in my sleep, in my dream like "JUST FOLLOW WHERE I LEAD, I'LL GIVE WHAT YOU NEED." "YOU'LL BE SAFE HERE"
And I would feel at ease and comforted. And I dreamed of a voice waking me up that year 2018, calling me "MICHAEL, MICHAEL, WAKE UP" Then as I woke up, in the middle of the night, I saw a strange vision in my mind: A BLUE ARMORED CREATURE, BRIGHT SKY BLUE COLOR ARMOR, THE FACE WAS COVERED TOO WITH ARMOR.
Many strange things happened to me. It so happened that I traveled by bus going home, I carried many heavy things then the bus just dropped me off somewhere, in the middle of nowhere. I was angry and raised my face towards heaven and uttered a curse word. Then the next thing had happened was, the highway jammed up, the buses cannot move anymore due to traffic. And the city ran out of water. Bad things happened in the city where we lived previously.
I was not sure if it's just coincidence, and I felt that heaven's hands moved.
Next, I dreamed of many bad things and all of my dreams were related to disasters and death like:
-the death group carrying a sickle chasing me and the people
-there were many floods everywhere, mountains were crumbling down to the ground, eroding
-the heaven opened and I saw many strange things and some are horrifying I cannot define it
- seeing massacres everywhere and I was inside a magical shield with my son floating in the air, protecting us from disasters
And the good dreams:
-Jesus the Lord, the Christ came above the clouds (people are at war)
-I saw Jesus, and only I could see him and he taught me everything and I was the one who's passing the message to the people, translating it
-The Spirit of the Lord Jesus entered my body as I spoke along the road after the disasters in the world where people gathered all in each tent (as evacuees)
-Two angels in priestly garments visited me in my dream; a man like a priest (I assumed as angel) hugged me tight and comforted me- I feel a very warmth love that I still felt joyful upon waking up. He was worried about me, afraid to leave me alone however another priest-like man called him that it's time for them to go back, that he stayed too long already. I told them that I cannot sleep well due to the many bad dreams and strange voices and after that, it seems a miracle, I had that good sleep and hadn't heard anymore the voices with "shshshshshsh" sounds in my ears, I cannot understand those ssssssssshh sounds (as if they're talking all together)
-I was part of the soldiers of GOD, I was one of the warriors in my dream seeing myself in a scroll of an ancient paper
-White female angels were surrounding me while I was walking the road; they're protecting me
-Seeing the heavenly scenes and the Lord above (in dreams and in visions)
I experienced strange VISIONS, so vivid -it's like watching movies inside my head.
And the visions did come true. I could hear someone calling me for help, and I did help him too, while seeing a vision of chasing people around him, and I rescued him through my mind only. He then, said thanks.
I heard strange voices and saw strange images, then when I saw or read the news, the vision I saw just happened like the killing of the kidnapped old white man in Mindanao (killed by the Muslim), the incident that had happened to my boss' son in the ship - I saw a ship in my dream that something had happened there but I stopped myself from seeing the inside and as I woke up I heard the female voices saying, "he died...". I received the news that my boss's son just died in the ship, the voices and my dream were true indeed.
From then on, it's like a normal thing to me to hear spiritual voices and seeing visions. I just ignore some things at times and tend to forget it afterwards until it happened in reality.
I started to write a book online year 2018 about my dreams and visions, and I was too novice about writing and my English words are jumbling, even myself found it hard to re-read it.
I could hear the voices of humans mocking me about my grammar and lambasting me, bringing up my bad past and always degrading myself. I'd reply also online as if I have many enemies personally, yet in truth, I just heard all the assorted voices I didn't know where those voices came from. I would feel ashamed at times, maybe some of my friends would misinterpret my words online, thus sometimes I would delete it or would deactivate my account every now and then.
I heard many voices (male and female) saying these while doing my household chores during daytime, wide awake (in the new peaceful house I rented in):
"They're very bad to you…"
"I will punish them all!"
"She cannot remember us…she has no memory.."
"Father didn't regret in choosing you…"
"You are our Princess.."
"You stayed too long here already, but still they cannot recognize you..."
"It's your last chance here on Earth. You won't return here again anymore..."
"When will you be back ...we miss you..."
(They're like the soothing voices of female angels...)
"I am with you even to the ends of the Earth..." (a soothing voice of a female in my dream like a wind)
"You suffered a lot...I regret sending you here." (like the Lord's Voice)
And the other high-pitched Voice of a man says, "Is this the people you are protecting?!" (a sarcastic tone?)
I discovered many things about myself that I didn't know.
I encountered angels and handsome demon (in an invisible form, with that hollow figure) in reality.
The bad things I kept on dreaming happened in reality. In year 2019, wildfires happened. In year 2020, pandemic happened.
In 2019, I dreamed of an evil man disguising as good teenager and introduced himself, he said this in English: "Hi I'm Steve! I came a year or two. I'm a friend. I will help everyone,.." Then he laughed out loud and he teleported somewhere to a far place but he transformed as an old man wearing a white lab coat and meeting other people with their evil plan. He held the globe of the world and he laughed out loud while his face was changing, his face distorts with reddish bulging nerves like blood. Next, the covid19 became a worldwide pandemic and the vaccines were introduced.
I dreamed of earthquakes and the coming of the LORD above the clouds while people were quarreling, I think it's a few years back before 2019.
Then, in 2019, while I was doing my laundry I heard a female spiritual voice (angel?) saying, "WE'RE BEING PLAYED..."
I saw the Father as well (in reality), it's daytime, as early as 6 in the morning. He's wearing a priestly garment, a long clothes, precious clothing with beautiful design in front, cream color. Since that night before that, I called help when evil spiritual entities attacked me in my sleep, I called " Father help me!" Then I saw many white heavenly men in white clothes (like elders with great muscles) like warriors surrounded me, floating above me while I was lying down to sleep. Next, I slept soundly, waking up the next morning seeing Father's presence near the window as the sun rose. I cannot see his face but he's angry and his last word before he left was, "INSOLENT!" The next night the Lord came and asked, 'Why you didn't call me?" I just understand that I didn't call 'Lord' (the usual thing I do) instead I called Father, I forgot and I apologized.
I met the Lord Jesus in a vision, angels, the heavenly Elders and the Father. The Lord would say, "I and you are One. I hear what you hear, I see what you see." The father would say, "I am your FATHER." The angel would say at times, 'DON'T BE AFRAID." "You are our representative. Behave well."
At times I could see the heavenly warriors fighting against the giants monsters, the out of this world monsters with that horrifying faces like BEASTS, and it's year 2020.
I felt grateful that I was coincidentally working from home already since 2018 and we're living in a remote area away from the busy city of Manila. It's a long story to tell but I could testify that miracles happened, that GOD the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ and the angels exist. The spiritual world did exist.
August 25, 2022 9am