Tallie.
Hey Sweetheart. You know how I'm terrible at pouring out my feelings let alone writing about it so bear with me.
If you find this letter then it hurts for me to say that I'm gone. I'm probably half way around the world right now. I always wanted to go to Japan. Maybe I'm there maybe I'm not. We don't always get what we want. Like how I didn't want to write this letter at all. Now, you're probably going to find out what happened and why you're reading this. You're going to be super mad at me. You're face would go all read and you would be fuming. I'm glad that I wouldn't be there anymore to take your beatings. Well, no. I would rather take your hits any day than writing this letter. As I said we don't always we want.
So where do I start explaining myself. For starters, well, I did it. I brought them down and your about to find out when Conner barges into your room. It was hard taking them down trust me. I had to get out of there as fast as I could and write you this letter. I know we had everything planned out and you said that it was the most full-proof plan anyone has ever come up with. I'm not going to lie, it was. But I was not willing to take that risk with you and Conner. We grew up in an environment without mercy and without remorse so the possibilities of us getting hurt and killed couldn't be eliminated despite having a full-proof plan. I couldn't risk losing both of you. My family, my only family left.
I want you to be able to go on your life without having a target on the back of your heads for the rest of your life. I still remember our midnight talks under stars where you would tell me how you wanted a normal life. You would say that you wanted the most mundane life and included Conner and I in your dream plans. Especially me. Tallie, you have no idea how much I want to be there by your side when those dreams actually come true. But I had to do this for you to actually have this future. With or without me. I could see how much you were suffering here even though you were brought up in this world. That's why I did what I did and I don't want you to hate me for it. If we had gone through the plan there were so much possibilities that you wouldn't able to go for your dreams. Even if we went with the plan you would be living while looking behind you. Yeah, I said that the fire would die down after a few years but we don't know that. We don't know their connections. They've had partnerships with people who kill for absolute fun.
I did this so I could take the blame for everything and have them chase me like dogs. I did this so that Conner get to leave this place and get a glimpse of Staten Island. I did this so you can have the life you always wanted. You always told me you wanted a dog name Dawg. I'm doing this for Dawg sweetheart. It hurts knowing you would hate me for this. We planned for this day for months. Being deprived of sleep for nothing sucks and I had to go through all your moods. I might have acted like I was so annoyed with all your moods but, sweetheart, even your worst moods can never make be seriously annoyed with you.
I'm getting out of topic here. Anyways, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for doing what I did and going behind your back. I'm sorry because I had to leave without so much of a face to face goodbye. You have no idea how much I want to give you and Conner a hug so tight forcing all the air out of your bodies. I'm just going to give you a kiss on your forehead before I head out and that's not enough but that's all I can give. I'm probably going to give Conner a fat and sloppy kiss on the cheek. As much as I say I'm annoyed with that kid but he's my only brother. And you sweetheart, you're my everything and I want you to remember that. You can do so many things and I don't doubt it for a second. Your dreams of college is about to come true the difference is I'm not going to be beside you.
Wow. I'm really impressed with myself for writing a letter this long.
I'm going to be on the run for a while now but if I somehow survive being deprived of both of your love then you can bet a thousand dollars that I will return to you. But that doesn't mean I want you to be waiting for me by a window still every night. I want you to live Tallie. I want you to get away from the killings. As much as you say being a stone cold killer doesn't affect your feelings, it does. I can see right through you Tallie. Your losing yourself because of it. Hell, I'm so lucky to be able to say I got glimpse of your happy moments and share them with you.
I have so much more to say but words couldn't describe how much it hurts that I'm leaving both you. I will return to you. No matter how lonely for the next few years I'm going to be in a world with 7.8 billion people.
I will be back for you.
See you soon sweetheart.
Jaxon.