However, suddenly I started to feel headaches again like a hard hit that hit my head directly. I squeezed my hair with both of my hands quite firmly, while trying to hold the throbbing pain.
With trembling legs, and blurred gaze, I forced my feet to stand up; looking for medicine in the cupboard which might relieve my headache, but I found nothing.
I just dropped my body on the ground. My legs didn't have the strength to stand up. I could do nothing but grimace at the pain in my head, enduring all of the pain that seemed to make me die.
After a few minutes, the pain began to subside. I stood up slowly and walked toward the bathroom to wash my face from the tears before returning to the living room.
Seeing the cigarette laid on the ground, I picked it up, lit it, and leaned back anxiously.
Until the sound of the doorbell rang, and I could guess that it was Kim Daehyun. I opened the door immediately and sure enough that it was him.
He put the files on the table and sat on the sofa. I sat beside him and opened some of the files.
A few moments later, realizing that Daehyun didn't look like he wanted to leave, I spoke, intending to shoo him away softly, "Daehyun, it's late at night. You have to go."
"I'm so tired today." he leaned back on the sofa, then closed his eyes.
I looked at his face that looked tired. He must have been through a lot of things today.
I asked, "Where did you get my number?"
Daehyun didn't answer. He kept his eyes closed, and didn't move.
I thought that he was asleep, so I tried to wake him up by touching him.
However, when I touched his face with the index finger, a smile disguised his tiredness, "Do you live here alone?"
I pulled my hand back immediately and felt so embarrassed, almost speechless, "Ah, that's ... with my friend ..."
"Friend ..." Kim Daehyun opened his eyes carefully, then glanced at me, and I immediately looked away.
"You smoke? It doesn't suit the way you look."
"Shut up. You've talked too much."
He chuckled before the silence fell. This awkwardness couldn't make me think of an idea to open a new conversation. I glanced at him, and he also seemed to be thinking about something.
After seeing his state for a moment, I turned my eyes back on the table to the pile of files on it with a void in my eyes.
However, a few moments later, Daehyun's voice suddenly sounded, like the wind breaking the silence, "Chunghee, long time no see ..."
I knew that Daehyun was looking at me currently. I could feel how his sharp-eagle-eyes could pierce my defenses. But without courage, I didn't want to turn around and looked at his face. I could only be silent without a topic of conversation.
Daehyun sighed heavily, then said, "Okay, looks like I have to come back soon."
Finishing his words, he stood up and tidied his suit. Meanwhile, I stared at him as he currently started walking toward the door before following him from behind.
"Oh yes, my number — it's mine. You should save it." at the door, he turned, "... And about the files, I'm counting on you, okay?"
Smiling, he touched my head. However, that treatment took me abruptly by surprise and reflexively I put his hand away from my head roughly. I didn't want him to touch me like that. It seemed very intimate - I wasn't used to it if someone else had to do it.
I waited for him until he was completely out of sight, then closed the door and returned to the sofa, staring at the files blankly.
When I found my thoughts, I also thought that that man wanted to keep me from sleeping all night.
Kim Daehyun and I were childhood friends. Even though he was two years older than me, I had never called him 'big brother', it seemed strange and a little bit distant.
However, until now, he had no complaints at all and seemed fine to just call his name.
I used to have feelings for him. However, falling in love with him was a long-gone memory for me. That feeling was only in the past as I had found someone to fill his place in my heart. But sadly, it seemed that I had given a place to a bastard like him, and am now caught up in my own feelings.
I smiled stupidly when that thought suddenly flashed into my head.
After observing the files, I turned off the television, then brought the files into Donghwa's workroom, and put them on the desk. Then, I turned on the computer to start working on it, until past midnight, which was 1:00 am.
I had entered all of the data. I had also arranged all of the appointments for Mr. Kim, the annoying boss. Honestly, I was a little annoyed with him for giving me this job.
Lying on the bed, I checked my phone, and how surprised I was when I saw a call from Donghwa nearly two hours ago. I woke up and called him back immediately.
For the first call, he didn't answer, but without giving up, I tried to call him one more time and a familiar voice came over the line.
"Why didn't you pick up your phone?!"
His voice surprised me. This feeling of joy became a pain when I heard him snap at me like that. However, I tried to hide that feeling even though I spoke a little haltingly, "I'm sorry ... I didn't hear it. Earlier I—"
toot.
Donghwa hung up before I finished my words. I was stunned, smiling stupidly with this pain while gripping my phone tightly.
However, I didn't want to blame him and beaten myself up when bad thoughts came back into my head.
'This is my fault. I made him angry.'
'Really? Then why am I crying?'
There was a thing that hurt, like getting stabbed by a knife right in my heart without mercy. While talking, I heard a voice from a man, and I was sure that man wasn't far from him while the call was in progress. It was a 'moan' and I heard it quite clearly even though the voice sounded restrained.
I laid back down and pretended to be deaf. However, no matter how much effort it was, my heart wasn't good at reversing my feelings so that the tears flowed endlessly.
'What have you been doing all this time?'
'Do you still love me?'
I thought, ignoring me all this time had been the most painful thing for me, but in fact, Donghwa was doing things that hurt my feelings more than before, and all I could do was saying that I was okay, as long as I could still think of myself as good.
I tried to close my eyes; trying to endure this painful thing until I fell asleep tired of this thought, just so that I didn't feel anything.