"What ... Are you serious?!" Daehyun exclaimed, with disbelief in his eyes. His voice trembled slightly.
I nodded weakly, then he returned to hug me with great affection.
I knew that Daehyun was speechless at the moment. I also knew that he was upset. I could feel it in his blood and heard it in his heartbeat. But, he couldn't blame anyone in this kind of situation, so silence was the only way to be quiet.
A few minutes later, we left the hospital.
On the way, there was only a long gap. We fell silent without a word, and it lasted until we got to my apartment.
Before we parted, Daehyun spoke with kindness, "Chunghee, I have a business this afternoon, and I promise, I'll see you afterward."
I smiled weakly, "Daehyun, there's no need. I've bothered you enough today."
"Don't be stubborn at this time. Take care of yourself, okay? I'm leaving now."
After saying that, Daehyun hurried away.
In the elevator, my head felt so heavy. It was because of thinking about many complicated things that had already happened, whether it's today, yesterday, a week ago, or a month ago, and so on. All these complicated things appeared at the same time and caused chaos in my feelings.
At this point, I thought something. All these thoughts were only focused on one person who was so precious in my life, where he had made me lose my luck and had to suffer like this.
Blood dripped on the ground, and more. I was shocked, and immediately touched my bleeding nose, then I cleaned it with the back of my hand.
Arriving at my apartment floor, I opened the door and immediately entered to change the dirty clothes I was wearing, which was shabby and stained with blood.
Afterward, I sat on the bed, pondering and wrapping in the dim room.
From the start, I had realized that my condition was worsening and I thought about it beforehand, yet I ignored it by continuing to say, 'I'm okay'. It wasn't without a reason, but it was one of the ways to pretend that I didn't know the reality.
I was so cowardly when it came to the truth as I was afraid of the pain that would hurt me even more. I just couldn't accept such a bad thing.
Daehyun was right, that I was a stubborn person, yet I just didn't want to admit it.
In my dilemma, I had a lot of deliberation and complexity regarding this diagnosis. When Donghwa came back, how could I tell him about this thing?
However, amid this heavy consideration, some questions made me hesitate to say it. 'Is it necessary? By telling him is the right way, isn't it? And, would he care of me like he used to? But, How do I tell him?'
There were many things that I wanted to tell him and there were many things that I wanted to complain about him. If he had a lot of time with me, I wanted to tell him all of them.
I didn't want him to cry when I cried. Feeling empathy and showing his compassion was enough to heal some of the wounds.
Realizing this thought, I smiled pitifully. I took the book in the drawer, and opened some of the sheets in it but didn't read any of them. My gaze began to cloud, and my heart was filled with grief.
Holding back my tears, I glanced slightly at the cell phone which was lying on the table before finally deciding to take it.
I looked at the clock that was showing 7:30 p.m on the screen. At first, I tried not to press the call button and contacted Donghwa, but the strong urge in my heart made me have to break down the determination within myself.
However, that was indeed a foolish thing. I knew that I would have the same disappointment, but still let myself felt the same thing.
I couldn't keep my promise or even decided the impossible things.
However, if I didn't, waiting for him to do it first would only end up our relationship. I was in the most difficult situation.
Suddenly I remembered about Doctor Jeong's name card, then immediately took it from the drawer and called him.
"Good evening. This is Jeong Hoon, the Oncologist of Du-Ho Hospital. May I know who is calling?" A familiar voice kindly greeted me after the call connected.
"Doctor Jeong, it's me, Park Chunghee ..."
"Ah, Mr. Park, how about it? Have you decided to do it, sir?"
I took a silent breath, "Can you give me some medicine?"
There was silence before he spoke, "Um, Mr. Park, medicine will only ease the pain, sir."
Doctor Jeong gave a stern refusal. However, after pleading with mercy, he finally agreed and asked me to come at noon the next day.
I didn't want to do surgery or chemotherapy. I wasn't ready to do that big thing. With the book I still held in my hands, I felt worried while thinking about that.
When I was about to lie down, the doorbell suddenly rang. I got up and went to open it immediately.
It's Daehyun. Seeing that he wasn't someone I was waiting for, I didn't feel disappointed. I knew that Donghwa wouldn't come home tonight, tomorrow, or who knew how long it was. Probably, he would come when he felt bored and left when he felt the same. It wasn't about homesickness, but boredom towards someone with whom he was.
"Chunghee, are you okay?"
I forced a smile and spoke, "Daehyun, sorry. But I get to rest ..."
Daehyun smiled gently, his eyes were emitting warmth, "I know. I just come to say that starting tomorrow, I'll give you—"
"No! Don't ..." I held his arms and gazed at him imploringly. I knew what he was going to say, so I said, "I'm fine. I can still work."
"Chunghee, it's for yourself. Don't be stubborn." his voice was firm but there was a deep tenderness.
I kept on refusing and begging. Being alone in this place all the time wouldn't be leisure. In this place, there was only gloom and would only make me crying.
Finally, by urging him, he agreed with it. And without realizing it, my body moved by itself to embrace him.
I was startled but didn't let go of my hands immediately. The joy held me even for a moment.
"If you need anything, let me know."
I smiled at someone who was always worried about me; always there when sadness overtook me. I kept watching him as he started to move away, and closed the door when he had disappeared from my sight.
In the bedroom, I came back to the same thoughts. I grabbed my cell phone and typed a short message for Donghwa, but immediately deleted it again.
I had to learn to keep quiet and decided to sleep early, by trying to calm myself down from all the things that happened today. So that when I woke up tomorrow, I could pretend like previously.
Donghwa, I'm sick.
Will you take care of me?
I need you right now.