There is silence while the Emperor studies my pictures. All that can be heard is the whispering of the wind in the trees, the rustling of the paper and our breathing. He rubs his chin. Then he turns to me with melting stones in his eyes, while all the servants carefully turn away. Taking my chin gently, he leans toward me and I close my eyes while he kisses me. His lips are soft on mine. I am not averse to it but I would rather he didn't make such a show of ownership with so many people around us. In fact, I would prefer it if he didn't touch me at all but there is little I can do about that. He is the Emperor. I am but a lowly concubine.
When he looks at me again, at least half the stone in his eyes have melted away.
"This is truly what you want?" he asks and I nod. Half afraid he might be unhappy, for whatever reason. He rubs his chin again. "It is true. You ought to have many more servants, but I was afraid you might be upset again when you found strangers in the house when you woke up. You lost our baby because of them last time."
I stiffen in his arms, glancing down and then around, trying to… trying to… when… what… the… searching...
Arms envelope me and I nearly gag on the smell of the perfume. This disrupts my stuttering thoughts. Too strong. The perfume is too strong. It is hard to breathe. What is he trying to hide by wearing such a strong smell?
"Forgive me, your Imperial Majesty," says the doctor, "but I must insist that you limit your contact and allow her to rest. Do not talk to her too much. She finds it difficult to handle much conversation these days. Please do not stir up her emotions or memory. She is very, very fragile at the moment."
There is a snort of breath over my head and I am released. Emotions? What memory? I'm fragile? Oh. Yes. Yes, I am, now that I think of it. I put a hand to my chest, trying to breathe and stop the panic wafting off hints of memories from rising any further. A firm hand pulls my head onto a yellow shoulder, patting my head and interrupting my thoughts again. Good. Yes. Uncomfortable but a good save.
"Very well," says the Emperor, with a small bite in his voice. The stones are reforming in his eyes and make me fidget uncomfortably. He glances down at the painting of the doctor with a nurse and assistant and then his voice shifts to a more cheerful voice. "Doctor Guan, you are released from Imperial service into semi-retirement. You have served me well and I can see the toll the past few years my demands have taken upon you. Move your belongings to the section of the house my consort would like you to live in. You may continue to train apprentices and nurses here if you wish, where you can keep an eye on my beloved consort's health. She is your main charge. Medical cabinets will be ordered for you. I will permit others to pay you for your medical assistance if they seek you. I may however, still request your presence at times, as you are too valuable to completely let go. I hope to hear that you are training many apprentices and other nurses. Appoint your successor for your current position."
I can't see from where a hand has covered my view, but I hear the sound of knees dropping onto the floor and the rustle of cloth when the doctor bows.
"Your Imperial Majesty, I feel Doctor Fu Shang would be a suitable candidate."
"Accepted. Very good. Your daughter will continue to be my favourite consort's head maid. I want her, with your help, to organise a full staff complement for the Twining Vines Courtyard. There has been a stirring among my enemies and they may try to hurt Consort Tofu. Ensure you choose servants and maids that are able to fight and protect my consort. I will send one of my own eunuchs to join Consort Tofu's court and to help run the courtyard. I will bestow some extra money to ensure you are able to obtain everything my beloved consort wants."
Withdrawing my head from the Emperor's shoulder, I bow my thanks together with the doctor. Doctor Guan. Now I know his name.
The doctor's daughter returns with the tea and cakes, serving the Emperor with trembling hands.
"Your daughter's name is Siao Ren, isn't it?" the Emperor glances at her and then looks back at Doctor Guan. I smile, now that I know the fluttering girl's name too. "She looks to be of marrying age. I hope you are starting to look for a good match for her. I want to hear some good news soon. Let me know if you have trouble making the arrangements and I will help you. You have served me well and I wish to see your daughter doing well too."
"Thank you, your Imperial Majesty, for thinking of this poor man. Your wise advice shall be followed," Doctor Guan bows again.
"Tofu," the Emperor takes my face in both his hands, squishing my cheeks together. "Get better soon. I miss talking with you. You brighten my life. Don't worry. Doctor Guan and Siao Ren will be allowed to choose the people you feel safe with and that you feel you can trust. If the doctor wishes to bring some or all of his own people here with him, I will allow it. The courtyard is big enough to house them all and I know they are trustworthy people. The eunuch I send you will be loyal to you and me only. Don't be afraid of him. I won't let anyone harm you or take you away. The maids who frightened you last time have been taken care of. You don't need to do anything but get better. Understand?"
Nodding, I close my eyes when he kisses me again. I don't want to see his face up close.
"Come to think of it," the Emperor sits upright. "Where's your other maid?"
Looking to Siao Ren, I let her answer.
"Your Imperial Majesty, Ji Linling has gone to buy something the Lady Consort requested."
"What might that be?" the Emperor pulls out my first painting of the hairpins. "She wanted these?"
I nod to the Emperor and put a hairpin in Siao Ren's hair and make a thankful gesture.
"Ah," he beams at me. "A reward of thanks for their loyalty. You are a good mistress to your maids, Tofu. Once you have a fully staffed and running court, ensure you invite me for a meal. I look forward to spending more time with you again. I am pleased to see your continual improvement. Rest well, my beloved consort. I will come visit another day."
When he is gone, we all three, Doctor Guan, Siao Ren and I, let out the breaths we had been holding.
"You look tired, my Lady. Would you like to go back to your room and rest?"
But I stay sitting at the table for a while longer, eventually falling asleep and getting ink all over my face and sleeves from the painting that hasn't dried yet. Siao Ren laughs at me and cleans my face.