The door bursts open and beetle shelled soldiers rush in shouting. The Emperor's eyes smoulder like live coals covered in lightning. I can almost see smoke rising, so angry is he. A sharp sword shines in his hand. Prince Feng draws his sword, but he is too slow. His sword was too far away.
Red.
Red splashes everywhere. The shuddering, dying body falls on me and blood spills onto my skin. It is so hot, it feels like it is burning me. Burning and sinking the red stuff into me. It reeks of hate and vengeance. The simmering madness bubbles and wrestles with me for control.
"Mine," the Emperor snarls at his dead brother, while it shudders and jerks on top of me in its death throes. The Emperor jabs his finger at me. "She's mine. Brother, how dare you?"
He thrusts his sword through his brother once more and I feel the tip protrude out the other side, narrowly missing piercing through me. It slices the skin on my thigh instead. Eventually, the shuddering body lays still and the Emperor shouts orders in his thunderous, angry voice. It sounds like nearly everyone is going to die from the list of names that roll off his tongue. He does not name me. I dare not open my eyes. I don't want to see him kill me.
Silence falls.
"Tofu," says the Emperor, removing the cloth from my mouth, "you can open your eyes now."
We are alone in the room, but I am still tied to the bed. There is a strange and vicious look on the Emperor's face. He is still holding his sword. The body of the prince is gone. I can't tell what he's going to do. Whatever it is, I have a feeling that I'm not going to like it.
The shock has loosened my tongue and shaken the words from where they had gone into hiding.
"If - if the Emperor has come to kill Tofu, would he please be merciful and make it painless," I stammer, squeezing my eyes shut again.
Tofu again. My tongue is moving on its own. Who and what on earth is Tofu? Who gave me such a disgusting name? Were they mad? Probably. The bubbling madness is starting to pull me under and drown me. Why didn't it come earlier? It's the red. The red colour of blood that is shaking my jade centre loose from my core.
"You heard everything my brother said. Do you not hate me? Will you too, try to take revenge on me?"
"Hate? Revenge?" I look into hungry eyes and see fear hidden deep inside them. An angry, lonely little boy hiding in a dark cave. A boy that only wants to be loved. "Why?"
"I heard everything my brother told you. Did you believe him?" the Emperor has me trapped beneath him. His sharp sword, smeared with blood, is between us, lying cold on my skin. "Is it like they say? That you are only pretending? Acting out a play while you prepare to kill me?"
"Why would I kill the Emperor?" I frown, somewhat confused and tripping on words with my unwieldy tongue. A tongue only relearning how to speak. The clarity is leaving me. I am being drowned in a sea of fog. Before I go, I fight to maintain the last bit of control, so that I can preserve my life. I want to live. I don't want to die yet. "The Emperor gave me a hairpin. The most beautiful hairpin in the world. He has smiled at me. He has not treated me badly. But I have not pleased him today. There is iron in his eyes. Surely he means to kill me. His brother tried to take me. I am not strong enough. I tried to run away. I tried to scream, but I could not. Tofu is bad. It should be cut up for the animals."
"Yes. I know. I saw everything," the Emperor strokes my cheek with a bloody, sticky finger, but his body tension warns me of danger. I feel his other hand renew its grip on the sword between us. "I will not blame you for that. What I want to know is if you believed my brother's words."
"The - the Prince said a lot of words," I manage to say, still fighting with myself for control, while the Emperor wipes tears from my cheeks with a gentle hand. My mind is screaming for me to escape this controlling mad man before he kills me. I can't. Not right now. "He spoke very fast. Very angry. But I didn't understand. All I heard was that he felt frustrated and rejected. Felt things were unfair and that he had been wronged. So he wanted to strike back and hurt you, even if he felt bad about it. It is too late now. His jealousy has become the sword that killed him."
The Emperor looks at me for long moments, searching my eyes with his. After a long time, he kisses my lips and throws the sword aside.
"Tofu," he murmurs in my ear. "I have missed you."
"Missed me? Where did I go?" I ask in surprise. I was here all the time. Where could I go?
"That's what I want to ask you," he says, kissing me again. I feel a cool wetness brush my lips. "Tell me, where did you go?"
"I don't know," I reply honestly, when he lets me speak again. The iron stones in his eyes are gradually turning into mountain stones, which are slowly melting away. I don't know exactly what he wants from me. I only know that the Emperor knows best. "Why do you call me Tofu? Is that my name? It doesn't feel like my name. Others call me Lady. Consort. But it doesn't feel right. It is not my name. Is it my name? Can you tell me who I am?"
"You," the Emperor punctuates each word with a kiss. "Are. My. Sweet. Good. Simple. Tofu. And. You. Belong. Only. To. Me. You don't need any other name."
I gasp at what he does next and close my eyes.
He hovers over me when he is done. The stones in his eyes are reforming slowly, although I can see that he is pleased with me. I am tired and sleepy, but am uncomfortable tied down like this. My limbs are sore. My hands and feet feel swollen and numb. I think about his question. It had seemed important to him.
"Where did you go?" I echo his question, thinking back on what has happened. What has been said. I look around. "Where did I go?"
Red jumps out at me. It is on him. It is on me. It is everywhere, splashed across the room. My body jerks and twitches on the bed, held down by the ties. My eyes roll.
Red.
Arrows rain down.
Red.
A head struck off a twitching body that sprays blood.
Two baby graves side by side.
A shuddering body bathing me in the burning liquid.
Red.
Red.
The whole world is red and I am drowning in it. It burns into my skin where it has fallen.
"Tofu?" I hear the voice calling me in the distance, but it is the wrong voice. The wrong name. I flee from the red. I don't want to know. I flee from the voice. I don't want to remember. It is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I flee as far and fast as I can before anyone can force me to remember or understand what is or has happened.
Red.
I flee from the red, even as it chases, overtakes and crushes the jade stone centre from me.