Standing in the service the tears can't be controlled.
I can't believe I didn't make it. I was to late. If I left when I wanted to maybe I could have done something. Maybe I could have talked to him and calmed him down.
Drugs is destroying people. It's taking young men and women away down a bad path they can't recover.
Looking at his picture it's the one with him smiling when he was about seventeen. I took that picture. I see Scotts mum and dad holding one another. Poor ann hasn't stopped crying. She's just lost her son and I've never seen someone so hertbroken.
Scott didn't come out the coma. The doctors said they tried everything but it wasn't enough. He took to much and his body couldn't cope.
We all thought he was going to be ok.
I'll never get to talk to him again. I won't get to tell him everything I wanted to. I've been in a blank stair since I got told and standing here looking at ann and Greg I cant take it. When his favourite song plays I jump up. I move past everyone and run outside. The service is not far.from the graveyard so I.run all the way and d on't stop until I get there.
I fall at my down at the one person who I need right now.
"Hes gone dad." I throw my arms around my dads headstone and break down crying. Two of the most important people in my life at one point are gone and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.
I'm too young for this shit. Why me. Why do I have to keep going through this?. As soon as I get to a good place in my life something bad fucking happens. I've not put my phone on and haven't spoken to mum Thomas or Lucas.
I can't face them now. Part of me blames them. If they would have let me leave when I wanted I could have done something.
I'm crying out loud when I feel someone behind me.
I turn around To see a familiar face.
Opening his arms he says.
"Come here, lass.".
I Get up and go and throw my arms around Derek.
It's been so long.
"Shh it's orite now wee one, " he says holding me.
I step back and Try to wipe my face with the sleeve of my top.
"Hey big guy."
"How are ye holding up.?" he asks me.
"Naw to good Derek." I tell him truthfully.
"Aye aken. It's hard loss lass. Especially after yer da someone so young shouldny have to go through so much death."
I just shrug my shoulders. I have nothing left in me anymore. I'm heartbroken.
"It hurts Derek."
"I know. Death can be hard. I've lost a lot of good yins tae drugs over the years. I'm.just goad my boy got away from all of it."
I know he's trying to make me feel better so I just go along with it.
"I didn't know you had a son.?"
"aye just the one. Tommy boy was a good yin he got away from all this and I couldny be prouder." he says pride laced in his voice.
I just nod my head and turn and Glance at my dad's gravestone.
"He was a good man." says Derek behind me.
I give a small laugh and say.
"He was." looking back over I can see behind Derek's shoulder everyone walking up. He turns and follows my eyes.
"Its time lass come on." he has his hand out waiting for me. I take it and give him a squeeze before following the road to say goodbye to my best friend.
After the funeral. We are all down the pub to the get-together that Greg and ann organized. I'm sitting with lee and Alex and no one is really talking. Lee is sitting in his black suit is drinking a pint staring off into space. Most of my friends are doing the same. It's hard to believe Scotts gone. A lot of people would say that it was self-inflicted and his own fault, but I don't believe that. No one starts off being an addicted. I've seen addiction start and mostly it's just people wanting to have a laugh or forget. I was in that category of wanting to forget if it wasn't for Thomas I would still be like that.
I've decided I'm going home tomorrow. I come here wanting to make things right but there's nothing I can do now. I just want to go home and see Lucas. I still never switched my phone on. I'm not in the right mind to be yelled at and it think I'll just start crying if he did.
I miss him. I wish he was here.
Someone Stands beside my table and I look up.
Big shank is there sympathy spread across his face.
"I'm sorry guys." he says.
Lee looks up and nods at him.
"Thanks shank." he tells him before looking back at his pint.
"Ye need anything let me know orite." he tells us. Before walking away.
I down my drink and stand.
"Where ye going." ask lee
"Well I'm planning to get shitfaced drunk the night. I'm going to order as much shots that the bartender will allow." I shrug my shoulders.
Lee downs his drink and stands with me.
"Sounds like a plan bird lead the way."
It's late and I'm so drunk. Me and Lee are the only two left standing. Everyone else is home and in bed and me and him are at his house.
He's on the floor and in on the couch. He's made a joint and we are both taking turns smoking it.
"I wanna shag yer mate." he blurts out.
"What." I ask passing him the joint back.
"yer mate Alex I wanna pump her." he looks at me.
"ye think she would let me."
I can't help it I burst out laughing.
"what the fuck ye laughing at I'm asking ye a question. She's hot bird." he says making a gesture with his hands I'm assuming means her body.
"I dinny ken go and ask her." I say through laughing.
"I think she would. She's being given me the eyes." he wiggles his eyebrows to me and passes me back the joint.
"Sorry I canny see it lee. In all the time I've known her I don't think I've seen her with anyone." I tell him.
"Pity" me mutters.
I take a draw of the joint and close my eyes. I'm so fucked. I'm going to regret this tomorrow.
"Wat about you bird anyone catch yer eye over there." I open my eyes to stare at the Celine.
I take another draw and decided to tell lee.
"I fucked Lucas." I blurt out.
Lee swings so fast round even sitting on the floor he nearly falls.
"Whit.? Lucas.? Thomas lad.?" he spits out.
"Yep."
"I thought you hated him.?" he asks me.
"I did."
He rips the joint off me before inhaling the rest of it.
"Fucking hell bird.. How did that happen.?"
Raising an eyebrow I tell him.
"well, when a girl and boy like one another they decide to-"
"Oh shut up ye cunt I ken that." rolling his eyes at me he turns.
"What happened." he sincerely asks.
"I don't know lee. I think.." I gather up the courage to say what I've been denying to myself.
"I think I'm in love with him lee." I whisper.
Lee gives me a sad look. Shaking his head he sits back down and faces forward.
"Ye canny help who ye love bird. Just be careful orite."
This is why I love lee. He was one of the best friends I ever had and he might be the funny guy. Yet deep down he's so much more.
"I miss my dad." I I say out loud.
"oh fuck aye her da was great bird. Had some laughs with him." comments lee.
We are both quiet for a moment before lee says.
"ken what I always wondered. How did your da OD? Between me and you I think tam did something." he mutters.
"Hold up. Why would tam have something tea do with my da's death.?" I ask him.
"coz something just Dis'ney right way me. Tam never came back here until last year. You Where to full of grief to even think about tam at the time. And after ye left he came back but something was wrong bird. He's weird noo."
"I dinny ken maybe I'm reading tae much into it," says Lee.
We are both quite as we sit in silence. I think lee is just being paranoid. He was close with my dad and after he died I think we looked for anyone to blame.
Lee slowly gets up before throwing his self on the couch beside me.
"I'm fucked bird." he yawns cuddling into my feet.
I'm drifting off but before I do I tell him.
"Night lee.
"Night bird.