"Hey its Johnny or should I Johnny boy Im naw in the noo so leave us a wee message ged and ill get back to you."beep.
This has to be the fourth or fifth time this morning Ive called his number. To think this time few days ago I was with Scott and his friends and everything was ok. Its still not sinking in that I will never hear his voice again. This isnt fair.
Since dads funeral and the argument with mum and Thomas my heads not been right. Im heartbroken, im so sad all the time, im also angry. I hate crying so Im focussing more on the anger than the sadness. I just want to punch someone. referable Lucass ugly face. Since the funeral I have heard nothing from them, and that was five days ago. I havent been home, choosing to stay its Scott and his family. Going home will be too hard, I Cant face the house just yet. Dialing my dads number again, I hold it to my ear, listing to the same voicemail I have for the past two hours.
Tears well up in my eyes and I let them fall freely. Why did this happen?. Looking around Scotts room witch isnt every different from mine expect he has no carpet just bare floorboards and a purple bedding. Scotts sleeping on the bed, the past five days me and Scott has took so many drugs and drink im shocked Ive not OD. Ive been having nightmares and waking up screaming, covered in sweat and Scott thankfully has been up and held me until Ive calmed down.
Ive not been a day sober since the funeral and this morning i feel like fucking shit. I think in the back of my head I want to die. I mean the pain im feeling am I supposed to just live like this?. The pain is consuming every part of me and my brain wont fucking shut off, hence why Ive been doing coke and weed to stop thinking. Talking about weed, I bend over and open Scotts drawer. Inside is a bag of weed and some coke from the night before. Taking the coke I make a line roll up a note and snort it. Slowly feeling it working I also grab the weed and I lift the papers grab a fag and start to build myself a joint.Where we stay in the scheme its easy to get them.Theres a dealer on every Connor of the road but they wont really sell to me but since dad im not giving them a fucking choice. I know im going to hate this day because I need to go back to the house and get a change of clothes.Scotts mom said I could stay from now on ill be sixteen in a week and a half then fuck mum and Thomas.
They will have no say in what I do although im surprised the social services havent got in touch and our house is council so again im surprised they never contacted me either about our house?.
LIcking the sticky bit of the paper I roll the joint and put in the roach. Standing up, I make quick work of getting myself dressed grabbing Scotts t-shirt and a pair of bike shorts so I pull them on. I get the lighter and then give Scott a quick kiss and make my way outside the bitter cold slaps me in the face. Im sweating bad so the cold is refreshing and right what i need the now. Putting the joint to my lips, I spark it up and take in the first god inhale and I start making my way from Scotts to my house. Its not a long walk fifteen minutes at most so im no hurry to get there. Taking my phone, I dial dads number and hold it to my ear.
"Hey its Johnny or should I say Johnny boy Im naw in the noo so leave us a wee message ged and ill get back to you."beep. Closing my eyes I feel the tears threating to come but I wont let them fall. Ive done nothing but cry so instead I hang up smoke my joint and head to my fucking house. Im focusing all my attention on anger. Anger is good. I would rather take the anger than the pain and sadness because let me tell you its the worst fucking pain. Rounding the Connor, my wee house comes into view. Slowing my pace down as I come closer, I take baby steps towards it. This is going to be harder than I thought. Right come on Keira you can do this I say to myself. Making my way towards the house I open our steel gate and make my up to the front door bending down under the Matt is the spare key I get it and open the door go inside and shut it.
The smell hits me first and I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It smells so much like dad. The coke from earlier is giving me a buzz and my hands are shaking a bit but I open my eyes tabs up and make my way up to my room opening the door I go inside grab my backpack and start throwing clothes in. I grab a few leggings and tops, some knickers and bras.
Leaving my room I head to the toilet and grab a bobble for my hair, my toothbrush because fuck it I havent brushed my teeth in a week so that should probably get done. Looking in the mirror I notice my how dilate my pupils are to the point my eyes are almost black.Moving away from the mirror I make my back into my room, grab my bag and head downstairs. I cant be here, I think to myself. Running down the stairs I go to the front door and pull the handle and there standing is The devil himself and the antichrist.
"Hello Keira going somewhere?." says Thomas lifting one eyebrow looking down at me. Standing beside him is the devils son, Lucas.
"Move," I say as I try to make my way past them.
"No, I dont think so" says Thomas, putting his hand on my arm to stop me from barging past.
" I told you im not going with you so move it" I say with as much anger as I Can without shouting. I try to move past him again but his other hand come and holds my other arm stopping me from going anywhere. Keeping my head bowed I dont bother trying they both can stop me may as well wait until they do this.
."What do you want" I ask them while still keeping my eyes trained to the floor.
"We need to talk I have given you five days to grieve Keira but now its time to come with us" comes from Thomas.
"Fuck off Thomas your not my dad I have no interest in listing to you move." I tell him. The coke from earlier is hitting me full force now and im getting angry the more I stand here. I need to get away before I do something I will regret like rip his fucking face.
"Enough Keira im not your enemy stop acting like it am now come with me get into the car and ill take you to your mom and we can discuss this.?" Comes from Thomas with a stern voice.
"NO" I shout " I dont want to when will youse all get it through your thick skulls im not going with you Scotts ma said she will watch me until im sixteen then me and Scotts getting our own place then you will never have to bother me again" I shout at him. Without thinking, I turn and make a run back into the house trough the hallway to the kitchen through and get to the back door. The key is still in and I turn it, rip open the door and make a run for it, out the back. Theres a lot of adrenalin that comes from drugs and im feeling every bit of it now. I get to the back gate fence and try to jump over it just as I get one leg over im pulled back.
Noooo" I scream and start thrashing around.I keep hitting and screaming but its no use, Im dragged back with two giant arms holding me
"Keira enough your just going to hurt yourself " comes Lucas. He is the one thats Holding me. I
Should have fucking known. Slightly calming down I say "let me go then."
"Oh no, I dont think so, you're going to make a run for it if I do until you stop acting like a brat, I will hold you." Says Lucas. I give a scream out of me and start fighting harder. Eventually Lucas throws me to the ground my back to his front and pins me down. "calm down." he says again
"Fuck you, you fucking cock sucking prick let me go" I shout while still trying to get free.
"Keira language" this time this comes from Thomas
"Ooh you fuck off to you fucking cock" I yell again but this time with less anger. My body is getting tired. A last attempt I tell them "someone will call the police An I will charge the two of you with assault" I say. I stop moving and go limp. Seeing me stop moving im grabbed and turned on my back before I Can try to escape Lucas pins my hands above my head.Looking directly into his eyes I say "Let me go."
"What are on fucking on" Growls Lucas. Shit. I forgot about my eyes shutting them quickly I turn my head to the side fuck this im not answering them they can kiss my ars.
"Keira, open your eyes," Says Thomas
"No" so say, squeezing my eyes tighter.
"Keira, what did you take?" Thomas says again.
"Your mothers Viagra" I say. Lucas grabs my chin, turning my face as he says, "What. Did. You. Take Keira." he asks saying every word slowly.
Choosing not to answer, I keep my eyes shut and ignore him. I can feel my heart beating out my chest shit maybe I Am going to finally OD.
"Go start the car, we will be there in a minute" I here, Lucas says to Thomas. Yeah, right? So I Am the minute this little fucker lets me up im gone. I can here Thomas walking away and its deadly silent. Well, is this not this peachy me and the antichrist all by ourself?
"Okay, Keira we have tried it his way now we are doing it mine im going to ask you one last time. What did you take." He asks me.
Im not answering him. Keeping my lips seeled I turn my face away im not giving up without a fight because god only knows the minute I do its over. Im going to be going with them. Why does the big guy upstairs hate me? Bad enough my dads dead now I have to deal with this. Fuck. I feel Lucas moving here is my chance, but the bastard does something I wasnt expecting. I feel him bring his nose to my face, then slowly up to my ear. Goosebumps cover my entire body, my cheek is tingling and my breathing goes shallow. When his lips get to my ear Lucas whispers "Come on bird tell me what did you take."
I see red. Opening my eyes, I scream at him, "Dont you ever fucking call me that." I start to thrash and scream at him." You have no right calling me that you fucking prick" Lucas is gazing down at me with a smirk playing on his face. " Got you to Open your eyes, didnt I?" he says, his eyes shinning with amusement. "Now be a good little girl and tell me what did you take?."
Looking right at him i spit out every word "Fuck you you fucking prick its none of your business"
I shout again.
" WAS it coke?" he asks, not fazed by the names im calling him.
When I dont answer he keeps me pinned with his eyes and continues talking. "IT was, wasnt it? Does your little boyfriend buy you, it." He keeps asking. IM not giving in, he can fuck himself.
"Jesus Keira you fucking fifteen what the fuck were you thinking.?" His eyes bore into mine and he shakes his head. "You stupid idiot Keira, get up." He shouts at me this time. Lucas gets up and grabs me, lifting me with him.
He pulls me round until my face is in front of his.
"Now walk or so help me i will lift you and throw you into the trunk." He says his voice cold.
Giving me a shove, Lucas is still having a hold of my arm and directs me towards the house. This is it. The minute I get into this car, Im not coming back.
"Ok fine let my arm go and I will fucking go dick face." I tell him.
Letting go of my hands, I pull them back and give them a glare. I pretend to rub my arms here he was holding it. He notices and Before he can grab my shoulder, I pull my hand back and with as much force as I Can I turn and punch Lucas in the face.
His eyes widen but it's to Late.
Turning Round I make a run for the house if I Can get out the front door I Can jump the fence Thankfully the front door is open so I run towards the door. Just as I get outside I make a dash for the left fence but before I do two powerful arms, grab me around the middle. NO no not again."You couldnt help yourself, could you?" Lucas shouts at me and drags me towards the car. "Fuck you."
I shout and keep screaming as Lucas opens the back door and throws me in, then jumps in himself.
"She took coke" Lucas tells Thomas. I try to open the door but its locked. Shit . Taking a full tantrum to myself, I kick the passenger seat then turn and try to hit Lucas again. Spinning around to glare at me he he's got blood on his nose. Ha. best thing for him.
"IM going to kill you." I tell him and try to hurt him again but this time he is ready.
Grabbing my legs and covering me before I Can blink he lifts me a puts me on my back to his front and crosses his legs over mine.
"I hate you!!!! do you here me!! I hate the lot of you, I hope you all die." I keep screaming "It should have been you Thomas, you should have died not my father fuck you, fuck you, fuck you." I keep screaming. Then the tears start to fall and I finally give up its useless I'm Never going to see Scott again. Going limp in Lucas arms I close my eyes and start sobbing no one says a word. Good, they have ruined my life, I hate them. Turning my head, I look out the window seeing us leaving the scheme and all I Can think is why me god why.