It's been two months since I've been here.
After what happened with Scott, I just can't get over it. I don't talk to anyone either. I don't argue back I'm just shell of a person I once was.
I sit and have dinner with mum, Thomas and Lucas but I don't really say anything. I'm not eating properly nor am I sleeping. Standing In front of the mirror just now my appearance is devastating. Dark black circles under my eyes, my cheeks are a lot more hollow. My hairs is partly falling out because I just can't be bothered brushing it.
Sighing to myself I leave my bathroom and make my way downstairs.
Walking into the dinning room I take my place next to my mum and don't talk. Everybody is here and Thomas and Lucas are in a discussion. I can't even pay attention to. After what happened Thomas and Lucas have tried to talk to me but it's no use.
I don't want to here it. They have officially won. I have nobody or nothing to look forward too. I knew coming here, this would happened. I feel nothing, I don't care about anything.
Once the food has been brought out They sit it in front of me And I start taking small bits. I think it's fish but honestly at this point I don't really care. Once I've ate a small amount I put my fork down and ask if I can go back to my room.
"Not just now Keira, I want to have a discussion with you." Says Thomas.
"Okay" I tell him not taking my eyes off the table.
Clearing his throat he fold his arms in front of him and in a firm tone asks me.
" how are you feeling".
"Fine" I say automatically.
"your not eating very much" he mumbles.
"I'm not very hungry". I say in a quite voice.
" Huh, okay since your behaviour has improved this last two months, me and you mom have decided that you can have this". He bends down and pull out a new phone.
From here I can see it's one of those new models.
"That's nice" I utter. I'm giving them no reaction to be honest I couldn't care. Why would I need a phone?. I have no one to call and I couldn't care less about social media.
Narrowing his eyes at me Thomas pushes the phone in my direction. Picking it up i nod my head and stand up to go back to my room.
"I've programmed all of our phone numbers in so you can phone us if you need anything". Says mom.
" Thank you" I tell them. Turning around I make my way out back up the stairs. I've ate dinner with them everyday and I get asked the same thing over and over again. Am I doing ok?. No I'm not. Do I need anything? No I don't. I just want left alone to die in my misery.
Stuck in my thoughts and not paying attention I almost make it to my room before I'm grabbed and turned around. Coming face to face with Lucas he stares me down. Those crystal eyes holding me place.
One thing that has changed is my hatred for him. It's grew and grew to the point I avoid him like the plague. He's the only one that brings out my emotion like no one else.
Breaking eye contact I stare at the floor. I have no fight in me left. I just don't care.
"What is it" I mutter.
Herring him take a long breath I wait for what he's about to say. This is the first time he's come after me when I leave so I suppose it's not going to be a pleasant conversation.
"Cut the bullshit"he angrily tell me.
" what have I done now?." I ask him.
"You know what your doing. This pity party you have going on for yourself needs to stop." He says though gritted teeth.
" I'm not doing anything Lucas." I say in a quite voice.
"Yes you are Keira your making everyone miserable with your behaviour it needs to stop".
"Okay" I say shrugging my shoulders.
When he doesn't say anything else I try and move my arm out his grip but he won't let go.
"Anything else.?" I ask him.
"Yeah I'm having a party this weekend when dad and your mom leaves so be a good little girl and stay in your room." He grins." You ok with that?. Bird."
What a fucking prick. I've told him not to call me that but I'm guessing he wants a reaction well he can get to fuck.
"Don't worry I'll stay in my room." After a pause I ask him "Can you let me go now.?"
Narrowing his eyes he Eases his grip.
Turning round I make my way into my room before closing the door in his face. A party? Bet he invites the snobby cunts he knows. I'll just stay in my room. The only person I want in this world is my dad. Closing my eyes I picture laughing with my dad. Two of us smoking a joint and watching a comedy show. Me and my dad were so close.
For the past two months I have done nothing but cry myself to sleep thinking about Him. I wish I could have one more conversation.
I would Tell him I forgive him and that I love him. I would tell him he was the best dad in the world. I would give him one more hug and never let go. He was the one that started calling me Bird. I used to sit for hours watching the birds in the sky and ask him where they were going. He would tell me they were going somewhere better, and that one day I would be like them. Happy and free.
Feeling the tears sliding down my face. I make my way to bed. Tomorrow is Friday and I'm a loner with no friends hardly any family. I miss everyone so much. I'm half a gypsy and dad would say I had the best of both worlds but it never felt like that. I was judged for everything I did. According to dads family I shouldn't have mixed with non gypsys.
Yet how could I not? I lived in the scheme and only mixed with them so often but when I did I felt at home. This place here, I hate it. Everyone at that stupid school hates me. There's this one bitch Lisa who has went out her way to make my life miserable. She calls me names and has tripped me once or twice. She's even been as childish to make fun of my accent. A couple month ago I would have kicked her cunt in but now.? Now I don't care. Let her have her fun because she will eventually get board.
Wiping my tears I turn on my side and think about my daddy cuddling into the bird soft plush I go to sleep.
I hate Lisa. The minute I have arrived at school this morning she has been non-stop acting like a cunt. She's shoved me, shouted at me in front of everyone saying I'm a whore. She has went as far as put rubbish in my locker. Thank God this day is almost over. I have one last class then I'm out of here. Coming down the hallway I pass a empty classroom but before I take another step I'm grabbed and thrown in. "What the fuck.?" I try to shout but before I can a hand covers my mouth. I know someone has me from behind so I kick and try to scream. I'm
Turned around and before I register I'm slapped across the face. The pain pauses me for a moment. It's like a scene from a film everything goes in slow motion. I'm thrown to the ground and pinned down by my hands. Looking up I can see that it's Charles from my class. With my eyes to the right I can see Lisa and her minions laughing. There must be at least 10 people in here. So trying to struggle i try to break free but it's no use. He's to big and strong.
"Aww is the little Scottish slut scared?." Says Lisa while laughing.
I stop struggling what's the point.
"Go and fuck your mother you dirty disgusting pathetic fuck!! "I shout.
"Well well well looks like the little bitch has a back bone. I'm going to show you what happens when you mess with me" she says in a cruel voice.
This bitch is delusional. I've never done anything to her. Walking over with her fucking minions they all start to hit me. I can feel kicks punches slaps hitting me from every direction. The pain is overwhelming and I can't protect my face. I'm still being hold down by the ape so I can't get fighting back.
I just lie there and take it. I feel a final blow to my face and I taste blood. Fucking cunt has burst my lip. Charles who's the one Holding me down removes his and a grabs my breast. My blood runs cold.
I can take a beating but not this. He moves his hand down to my knickers. Moving my underwear to the side he starts to touch me. I try to fight harder this time but again it's no fucking use. He keeps assaulting me with his fingers while the rest laugh and watch. I spot two more boys walk over and then they take out there dicks. Oh my god I'm going to be raped. I close my eyes and start to cry. I can be tough but this is fucking terrifying. While Charles is still touching me I can here some groaning coming from them. After god only knows how long I feel warm liquid hit my face. The smell is starts to make me boak and there all still laughing. The fucker is still touching me and Lisa is encouraging him to continue. Oh my god this hurts, I'm trying to fight it but my whole body is hurting And I think I'm covered in semen.
Finally she tells him to stop and he removes his fingers before he gets up and they all walk out.
"I've got blood on my fingers" I here Charles say before the door closes.
Rolling onto my side I vomit everywhere.
I manage to get my phone out my bag and I call the first contact on my list.
"Hello.?"
"I need help please someone help me. " I cry down the phone.
"What the fuck Keira are you ok?".
" I'm hurt l,help me please I can't move " I cry into the phone.
"Where are you"I here A voice say.
"Classroom I cant get up Please. Everything hurts so bad" I start hyperventilating. I drop the phone to the floor and try to sit up.
I can here more shouting then the classroom door opens and I see a teacher walk in.
" Oh my god" I here him say. He comes closer and try's to move me but I start screaming.
" Dont fucking touch meeee!!!. I scream at him while trying to move backward to the wall.
The teacher backs away with his hands up.
"Hey it's ok I'm not going to hurt you" he tells me.
I hear him shout for more teachers and I try and move but it's sore. Between my legs is throbbing my face is killing me and I can't get myself under control.
I'm surround by teachers and they keep trying to talk but I can't understand what there saying.
"Go away!. I shout.
They don't touch me they just stand there. I can here them asking who done it but there oblivious.
I don't know how much time goes by but eventually I hear a voice I never been so glad to hear in my life
"Where is she" I her Lucas shout.
Just then Thomas and Lucas come walking in the door. They both stop and for a second no one talks. I'm sobbing and I can only imaging what I look like sitting here.
Lucas barges past his dad and bends down ntil he's eye level with me.
"It hurts" I hiccup to him.
He doesn't say anything just very carefully with his hand under my legs and behind my back he picks me up. I cradle to his chest hiding my face. I'm still crying and can't make out what Thomas is saying but his voice is echoing the school.
"We are taking her to the hospital" Lucas shouts walking past everyone. Taking me to the car I feel him slide in not letting me go.
"Shhh" it's ok princess you will be fine. We are taking you to the hospital. " he says in a soothing voice. Moving his hand to my hair he runs back it back and forth. Pulling my face away I stare at him.
"Lucas I'm im I'm" I try to tell him I'm bleeding between my legs but I can't get the words out.
Narrowing his eyes he looks at my legs where my eyes are focussed on. I can feel him tense up. He must notice the blood. Cradling me back in we make our way to the hospital.