I gasped, I felt like a lightning bolt just struck my cheek and trailed down it. Like it purposefully feathered down my cheek. Holy crap. My heart is racing and pounding out of my chest. What the fuck was that. Why do I want more... I involuntarily clench my legs together, trying to relieve some of the completely random aching... why do I feel so out of control of my body right now?? I'm ready to get out of this place. I need to get on the road and find out what exactly the big talk with my parents is about so I can get it out of the way and put my full focus on what's wrong with me lately. I touch my cheek again still thinking of the lightning bolt that I may have imagined. Did I? No, I shake my head, it definitely happened...
A couple hours later, Calum is back and I'm finally strapped into my dads vehicle. I look down at my fingers in my lap as I think about how ready I am to leave. I'm just so curious about what my parents need to say to me. Can it really be that serious? Surely not. What could have randomly come up that they needed to talk to me about right away?
Oh god. Realization struck me. I felt the blood leave my face as my stomach dropped and my eyes instantly filled with tears. I know exactly what this is about. One of them must be very sick. Oh god no. I can't take it. They can't be dying. My beating heart feels like it's being squeezed and I can't breathe. My tears turned into a river, pouring down my face. I can't catch my breath. Oh my sweet mama please be okay please be okay please be okay. Dad looks healthy it can't be him. My mama is the strongest person I know, she has been through everything and come out the other side. She's too amazing to die. I feel my shirt becoming soaked with my tears but I can't stop them. Oh this must be why she didn't come and sent dad alone. My heart is breaking.
I mean I knew the day would come one day, but not til I'm married and old and give them grandchildren.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Why would they put me through this anxiety all day to drop a bomb on me like this?? I unbuckled myself, dad is still bringing bags out but he must be in the house, I don't see him. I open the door and fall out, dropping to my knees. I'm hyperventilating and trying to catch my breath but all I can think about is my mama taking her last breath and I feel like I'm in a tailspin and going south very quickly. I grip my chest to make sure my heart hasn't exploded out of my body. At the same time I feel someone's strong arms grab my shoulders and lift me to my feet, Cal.
"Dude, Rose, what the fuck, what's wrong?? What happened? Why are you crying again? I didn't know you even had this much feeling. Stop doing that, you have to breathe!!!" He looks at me completely bewildered his big beautiful eyes are wide and alarmed and I mean I can't blame him. I must look like a complete mess right now. But he would be too if one of his parents was dying. Wait. Does he even have parents anymore? My eyes well up again as I remind myself I never took the chance to ask him questions and get to know him. Why am I so awful I wail out.
I guess I said that part out loud because he instantly starts calming me down and reassuring me. "Rose what are you talking about, you're the most pure human being I know, stop it right now. What is wrong."
Finally my dad walks outside with panic in his eyes as he sees me completely undone and drops everything in his arms to run to me and pull me into a bear hug. He looks up at Cal with questions written all over his face and he just shrugs, as if to say "I have no fucking idea."
"Okay dad, is it you or mom who's dying?" I inhale deeply and close my eyes to wait for his answer. I'm pretty sure I heard his jaw drop as he asks "what the hell are you talking about??"
Ok, not the answer I was expecting. But holy crap I am so thankful. So so thankful, thank the sweet Lord.
Relieved, I open one eye and peek at him "Okay so what's with all the weird shit then! Y'all are acting like someone is gonna die!!"
"Oh honey.. it's not-" HA. Great. Just great. I'm irritated now that my heart broke over nothing, "let me guess. We'll talk later. I'm so sick of that answer. Can we please just leave now." I get in the car and slam the door shut, putting my ear phones in and drowning out the world.
I saw Cal and dad look at each other in silence as they slowly walked away.
There is absolutely NOTHING I dislike more than a secret. Can't keep them, and can't take having one over my head. My mind just goes 100 miles an hour and that's not my fault!!
...
Finally we're on the road and actually almost there. My belly gurgles, I'm starving. Can't wait for moms cooking. And to get everything out in the air before I lose every single one of my marbles. I try to shake off the dread in my stomach the closer we get. Something tells me my life is about to drastically change.