"Rose... Rose... my darling flower." A voice whispers.. "I've been waiting your whole life to finally hold you and physically make you mine..."
I'm in a dark black place, I can't see anything. But... it almost feels like a black abyss. There's no ending anywhere, but I also don't see or feel a start. Maybe I'm in space, but where are the stars, I wonder to myself.
But I can't panic for some reason. I guess I don't want too... I'm eerily calm. I know I'm not controlling my own emotions. Maybe I'm dreaming. I smile to myself realizing what was said. Someone wants me.
I wonder if I've been drugged. I take a deep breath and let out a long sigh. Letting all the anxiety I've been feeling, out with a whoosh. I can't tell if I'm sitting up or down or even if I'm floating. Ahh what a feeling, I hope I never leave. I feel clothed in love and affection and... like... I belong.. yes. I feel like I belong here.
"Who's there?" I try to ask, but I'm not sure if the sound makes it from my mouth or if I only said it in my head.
"Ah, you're awake my flower." The voice pauses, I'm about to ask who he is, but he goes on... "You will know who I am, soon... but not soon enough."
My heart swells at his words. Who is this dream of a man and why do I feel like I want to throw my entire heart, soul and being into showing him affection and love. I've never had feelings for anyone else, none of my flings, to the point I thought I was broken. But here I am, in love with a voice.
Just a voice. I laugh to myself. What's happening... I don't know what he looks like, or anything about him. Maybe I've finally lost it. I'm officially crazy. I try to hug myself and still feel like I'm not in control, I can't feel my arms moving. What a joke. I find myself giggling, maybe in my head, maybe out loud. Who knows. I feel tears pricking my eyes from laughing so hard.
"You're not crazy Rose." Oh, hello again beautiful voice.
"Your mind is going off on a tangent. Stop. Be calm. Breathe. And watch."
"Watch? Watch what? I can't see anything. Is this space or the bottom of a well? Did I die??" ..... Silence is the only answer I receive.
Okay. Alright. You win. I'll stop. Every time an overbearing thought jumps in my mind, I push it out. I actually visualize myself pushing it out, and eventually it works after a few minutes. Finally I've cleared my mind. My breathing is deep and slow, and calm. I really do feel calm again. Calm. But still floating or laying down in a strange dark weird endless underwater space thing.
Wait, what is that? Slowly I see, or do I feel it... but... it's almost like little tendrils of smoke coming off of, or out... of... me. It's so small and so slight I could be imagining it. It has a light to it, I can see the outline of my body now. This smoke is.. pink? But it's not smoke? It's luminescent, like a glow around my body. Like a light from inside me coming out.
The more I concentrate and focus on the pink light around my body the brighter and stronger it gets. I'm so entranced by what's happening to me that I don't see the orange light in the distance floating closer and closer.
Finally I see it out of the corner of my eye and as I go to turn my head to look closer at it I can feel someone shoving me. And suddenly I'm falling! Oh my god, my stomach drops and every emotion I was free from, suddenly comes flying back as my anxiety returns, taking root in the pit of my stomach and I hear someone yelling. I'm shaking.
"Rose!!" I open my eyes and I'm blinded by the sun directly in my face and realize I'm still in the car with my dad. He's shaking me, trying to wake me. I've slumped down onto the seat and scooch myself up to see out the window, wiping drool from my face as I do it. Yuck. I must have slept so hard.
"Jesus Rose I've been trying to wake you up for 10 minutes. Have you not been sleeping at home?"
I realize we were finally home. Well, my parents home. "Of course I'm sleeping" I roll my eyes, "I guess just not as well as I should be. I had a crazy dream..." I tell him, unbuckling myself to climb out of the car. At that moment I see Cal pulling into the driveway too.
I glance up at the house. It's a gorgeous house. It's huge, but home. It's always been very well taken care of. Mom and Dad do it by themselves usually but will hire help every now and again. Actually, I'm not sure if they hire help, or their friends from the town come and help because they want too. I've never understood why my parents were so well liked besides their obvious kindness but I'm glad they are. They are the most amazing humans ever and I'm glad I'm not the only person who sees and knows that.
As I look the house over, trying to spot what might be different since the last time I was there I see the front door open and my mom flies out immediately when she sees me. I run to catch up to her so she doesn't have to run the whole way. It's a bit of a walk from the front door to the driveway.
"Mama!!" We meet in the middle and lock arms around each other and just stand there in each other's embrace for a while. I inhale deeply, taking in her scent. She's always smelled the same. I truly feel at home, right here in her arms as I feel her warmth envelope me. "I missed you so much mom." She pulls away from me long enough to look at me up close and I see tears in her eyes, but she tries to blink them away and just smiles at me before pulling me back in for another sweet hug. "I missed you too honey" she whispers back to me. I noticed she had more wrinkles and bags under her eyes like she's been worrying over something. Clearly something to do with me, because that's how this day has gone and what else would it be.
"Okay boys! Bring in all the bags, let's get you both all settled in before anything else." Mom says. I turn around to look at my dad and Cal and see them both standing next to each other awkward, one scratching his head and one rocking back on his heels with his hands in his pocket looking off into the sky and the woods. Everywhere but at me and Mom. Obviously not wanting to interrupt mine and Moms moment but not knowing what else to do. I shake my head and go to walk in the house with mom.
Inwardly making a mental note to always cherish that moment and to remember every single detail, except the sadness in my moms eyes.