"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Worry was evident in Shai's voice, she was the one who insisted to take me back to our room because according to her, she was still worried about me. While I had no idea where Kiesha went.
"Goodness gracious Kei, why did you insist on attending when you weren't feeling well?" Her motherly instinct is kicking in. She was being nosy and getting all annoying that almost had me covering up her mouth just to shut her up.
"Look, Shai. I'm feeling much worse every second of your Godforsaken lectures." I didn't mean to be rude to her, I know she'll understand. The walk back to the room was filled with peace and quiet.
We halted on our tracks as we spotted Kiesha and Kiefer standing outside the rooms, as if they were waiting for us.
I was about to take a u-turn when Kiesha called me back. I awkwardly faced them, really trying my best to not to make eye contact with Kiefer cause I will definitely break down if I do. "Are you okay?" He asked and I just nodded. "Well, me and Shai will get going. Kief, take care of Kei and we'll handle the explaining to her roommates." She winked at us and eventually left with Shai.
I fished out the key for our room from my pocket in a hurry. I felt his hand on my forearm even before I could put the key in. That was it, all the tears I held back came racing down my face, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, babe." He whispered as he was hugging me from the back.
"Why, Kief? Do you not have any trust in me?" I asked him, stuttering as I tried to make out a sentence in the middle of my cries.
It was just like deja vu, our past being brought up again.
Those memories have once again resurfaced, reasons why he left me...or maybe I'm only convincing myself that those are his reasons.
"Sorry babe, I just felt scared to lose you again. I'm sorry, forgive me please."
A second chance, I always give him a chance. After that night, I thought everything would go back to normal.
But I was wrong.
The next day, we were tasked to gather in a large hall that's also inside the hotel that we're currently at. And as much as possible, I'm staying away and avoiding Sef for the sake of Kiefer's jealousy. To my relief, Sef is nice and understanding, he got the situation right away.
We settled in in the middle of the crowd, Kiefer and his group were sitting two rows ahead of where my group was. From where I am sitting, I can clearly watch how Gianna's arms snaked around his and I swear his smiles were different.
I tried to remain calm because I didn't want to make a scene or embarass myself.
And also, I already promised to myself that I won't ever do something crazy. Again.
Yet the odds really are testing my patience as I overheard what Kiefer's group were discussing.
"That was definitely hot! Like I can the lust slowly form in their eyes. I even thought something happened after the game!" Teased by one of the girls and followed by laughter. Gianna was surely enjoying the attention that she's getting.
"It's obvious that it's still Gianna." Hanna agreed, I suddenly thought of the quote birds of the same feathers, flock together. They are living proof that that quote is in fact true, "I won't be surprised if after this trip they'll end up back together and someone's going to get dumped." She added and released her horrible witch-like laugh.
It's almost like she intended to make me hear it, especially when she saw me glaring at their spot.
"Well, something did almost happen." Gianna dramatically said. Our eyes met and I swear I saw her smirk, "If only an annoying someone didn't call for Kiefer as if someone is dying."
I didn't lose my cool.
I won't stoop down to their level. This isn't the right time.
I will not fall right into their traps.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when I realized that Sef was approaching me, I think he noticed that I was fuming on my chair and I might explode any time soon.
Everyone fell silent as Sef got a hold of my hand. That's when I realized that my palms were turning red from the fist that I've formed out of frustration, "Do you wanna go outside? Looks like you need some time to breathe." He suggested with a serious but concerned tone.
I didn't need to think about it, I accepted his offer right away. I surely needed some air to breathe 'cause I can already feel my chest tightening up.
We were gracing out the hall when someone grabbed my arms. His grip was too tight so I tried my hardest to get out of it.
"What's your problem?!" I couldn't stop myself, I shouted directly at him.
"What about you? What's your problem?!" I grew speechless as he shouted back as if he didn't hear all that was said earlier.
"Wow, just wow. You have the audacity to raise your voice at me?" I remarked sarcastically. "You're the angry one now, Kiefer? Why are you yelling at me in front of all these people?"
"How many times do I have to remind you to stay away from this guy?!" He's losing his cool, I can already see it through his eyes. I can see the anger mixed with sadness in his eyes, but I will not let myself be affected, especially now that I know I'm more opressed here.
"He's just being nice, Kiefer. How many times do I have to explain that to you too? You're scared of losing me, but you're only giving me more reason to not stay with you." I was about to walk away yet he attempted to stop us again.
"Are you really serious, Keira? You're going with him and leaving me?"
Without any hesitations, I answered "Yes."
Sef and I were surrounded by silence whilst gazing at the pool side of the hotel. He ordered some Mango shake for the both of us and we literally ditched the last session of the retreat. I have no intentions of going back anyway.
"Were you serious back there?" He asked and glanced back at the hall. "You don't know me that well, yet you trusted me and chose to come here with me. What if I was a bad guy?"
"Then that's better, I'll be dead right here, right now. No more pains." I said while smiling, a smile that most probably looked fake even if I tried.
"Okay, let me get this straight. I just want to be of help 'cause it looks like you and your boyfriend are in a really rough patch." He added, "Why did you agree to come here when he clearly said to stay away from me?"
"Because I wanna escape, escape from the problem that never seems to go away." I sighed. "I really thought we were okay, I thought I moved on from the past, but it still hurts. Specially when I see him happier with other people." Without a clue, I started to let myself cry. I'm crying over him again.
To hell with this retreat! I shouldn't have come here even if it was compulsory.
"Maybe this happened for a reason." He blurted out, "Maybe this is just a sign for you that even though you seem okay and happy, it doesn't mean that you won't face misunderstandings on the way. I know you're strong Keira, even if I'm only getting to know you now, I can sense you're strong and you'll get through no matter what your problems are in the future."
"People like me feel tired too, you know? Yet I force myself to fight because I waited so long for this moment to happen. The moment when the man I love finally returned to me, but the world really is cruel. Convincing me that we're not meant for each other. Like giving me hints of how we could actually end up in the future."
I caught him gazing intently at me as I looked up. He was just staring at me, as if studying my whole entire existence.
"Why don't you try focusing on the present rather than expecting something that won't happen in the future?" He said with a shrug, "Just a suggestion, I'm not exactly futuristic. For me, what's in front of us is the most important thing, not yesterday nor tomorrow. So I suggest, you do that if you really don't want him to completely disappear from your life, don't overthink everything. If he truly loves you, he'll keep on fighting and choosing you repeatedly, no matter what the consequences may be."
"I hope so." I sighed and tried to smile. "Thank you, Sef and I'm sorry if you got stuck in the middle of our fight. I promise when we get back to Manila I'll treat you with something good."
"No need for that, just promise me that the next time we see each other, you're not crying anymore. I hate seeing girls cry."
"Pfft that's hard, but I'll try. I'll try to be happy again, starting now!"
Even if I'm not certain if there still is a next chance for me and Kiefer.
I hope there is, 'cause I can't see myself moving forward without him by my side.