"Are you sure about your decision, Kei?" Kiesha asked me worriedly while watching me in the midst of packing my things.
It has been two weeks since we got back from our retreat and in those two weeks, it was like Kiefer only proved that he didn't need nor want me in his life. It was like we restarted, from the very beginning. To the times where he could easily turn his back on me.
I can't keep taking in this kind of treatment. I don't want it, I'll give up right away 'cause I know I don't deserve him manipulating my feelings. By the looks of it, I already know that he isn't going to be serious with me.
Yet even after all this, why am I still hoping? Hoping that I somehow still have a place in his heart. That maybe he can't bear losing me in his life too, maybe at the end of all this I'll still be the one he'll choose to be with, not because he needs to but because that's what his heart is telling him to do. How stupid, Keira.
"He's the one who asked for space, Kiesh. I'm just giving him what he wants." I answered as I zipped my bag up.
After another heated argument last night, I decided to contact Kiesha to help me with my things. I don't want any of our parents to know what's happening. I don't want them to meddle with our problem and it'll be much better if I'll leave voluntarily instead of forcing myself on someone who doesn't want me around, right?
"Will you give up on each other again?" Her statement made me halt. "You'll let each other be hurt cause you both value your pride? Kei, leaving and avoiding him will never resolve the problem you both have. Communication is the key, I know you know that."
I faced her and stared for a few seconds before finally taking my bag, not giving into the bit of hesitation, "It's so easy to say that everything will eventually turn out fine, but when you're the one in this situation, it's not. It is so hard." I tried to smile, even though deep inside I feel like I'm slowly crumbling into a pile of dust. "I'm just giving him space, Kiesha. And if he doesn't want me back, I'll just let this be our ending. I won't force myself onto him. You know thatI've already learned my lesson, I won't ever bring myself down again just for his satisfaction. Never again."
In the end, she couldn't do anything and opted to help me take out the things from my room instead.
"Where are you going?" We froze and immediately shifted our gaze to where the voice came from, it was Kiefer standing near the kitchen entrance. "Why are you taking all your stuff?"
At that moment I wanted to burst out laughing, was this all a joke to him? I rolled my eyes and continued to walk out with some of my belongings, but he held me back and even blocked my way out.
"Kei, what's this? Will you go somewhere with Kiesha? You never told me anything." He fired question after question along with the confused look on his face and his hand gripping on either side of me.
I quickly escaped from his grasp and shook my head in disbelief, "Don't tell me you forgot what you told me last night?" I asked. I was just so surprised at how he's behaving like he hit his head and had amnesia. How dare he forget all the hurtful words he threw me last night!
"Last night?"
"Yes, you want space, right? Well, here it is! I'm giving you the space that you want. Don't you enjoy Gianna's company? There, you're free to invite her whenever you'd like! I don't care anymore. Now, let me through."
"Kei please, I was drunk. Whatever I said last night, I didn't mean it. It wasn't my intention to hurt you with my words, please don't leave. Don't leave me alone." Oh his act was perfect, the only thing missing was him to kneel and beg me not to leave. I signed to Kiesha to keep on moving my things, but even she looked like she was opposed to the idea.
Instead of following me, she slowly placed it near the door, "I'll get going, Bobby's waiting for me outside. Uhh, talk it out. Bye!" She said as she made an awkward exit.
What the?! I slapped my forehead out of frustration. This is so irritating!
I was so fed up with his reasons and now, do I still need to overlook his actions just to make me stay? Good Lord, help me.
"Give me a reason why I should stay, Kiefer. Because to be honest, the way I see it? it seems like you don't need or want me anymore." He didn't respond, he just stood there for like five good minutes until he closed the gap between us and enveloped me into a hug. "Tell me if you don't want this anymore and let's just call this engagement off, to finally finish all the hurt we've been causing to each other."
However instead of answering, he only tightened his hug around me, 'til I felt his shoulders quivering and heard the faint sound of his sobs.
"I'm sorry I can't be the best man for you, I'm sorry if I keep on making you feel like you're not important in my life. I'm sorry if I keep on making the same mistakes. I'm really really sorry." He kept on repeating, not moving an inch from our position. "I know you're already tired of trying to understand me, tired of getting hurt because of me, but can you still stay with me?" He distanced us and crouched to level our eyes. His mirroring mine with the same glossy shine from the tears we're holding back.
Those words seem so selfish for me, so selfish to make someone stay with you just because you want to and not because you love them.
Every time I close my eyes, I see the faces of my parents that have so many expectations for the both of us. I can remember how highly they think of Kiefer's family as if the world revolved around them, even though his family are the ones truly needing us.
I know and I can already imagine how disappointed they'd be once I call the engagement off and I also know that the chances of them disowning me once I do that is high, that's the only role I have in this family.
He acted as if everything was fine the next day, classes were already back and we just did our everyday routine. He was the one to cook and clean the kitchen while I set the table with everything we might need for breakfast.
Everything seems normal, if you ask me. Yet if you ask me, you'll feel the tension in the air and an unspoken war.
We both paused when his phone rang. He answered it and I instantly knew it was my dad when he glanced at me, "She's busy with the dishes, uncle. I'll just tell her about the dinner meeting. We'll see you later." He replied in a serious tone as he still held eye contact with me.
I sighed, "What's he planning again?" And asked him as I folded my arms over my chest. I will not be surprised if my father has come up with another on of his shenanigans.
"There's a dinner meeting later with some of the board of directors and some investors. Said they want to discuss with us regarding the merging of the company." I nodded after. It's already obvious that I won't have a say in it. Whether I want it or not will never matter, all I have to do is abide by their will.
I'm like a puppet! How I wish that I can cut every string that's keeping me from moving freely.
"I was gonna tell you something, but maybe later. I don't wanna ruin your mood." I just shrugged my shoulders and continued doing my part of the chores.
As usual, whispers started arising once me and Kiefer stepped foot on campus. He binded our hands together like it was second nature to him while I stared in shock.
How can he just be cool with everything? While here I am looking like a distressed beaver from all the stress I went through at our retreat.
"Oh~ you two good?" Shai cooed at us as we settled on our seats. From where I was sitting, I could sense Hanna's stares burning a hole at the back of my head as she took a so secret photo of us. If only I was in the mood, I will annoy the hell out of her just to get back at her for what her and her friends did, but unfortunately, I wasn't in the mood to take on anymore of her bullshit.
"Shut up." I mumbled. My attention was caught by Kiesha elbowing Shai. I raised my eyebrows at both of them.
This witch still has a debt to repay.
"Don't you ever come near me if you suddenly have a problem with Bobby. I won't help you and I'll leave you just like what you did to me last night." She immediately moved to the seat next to me and linked our arms together.
"I'm sorry, I just wanted you two to make up. I just wanted to see you glowing again and not like you'll murder everyone who crosses your way. It was effective, wasn't it? You're good now!" I could only scoff and decided to stay quiet for the entirety of the class.
My blood boils every time he comes into my line of vision.
To my advantage, my day somehow went smoothly without anyone bothering me. It was still the usual routine of us eating at the cafeteria with the guys, Kiesha and Bobby would flirt in front of us and Jayden and Shai would do their daily quarrel. Nothing new, except for the fact that I'm still not talking to Kiefer.
"Hi Kief!" The peace I felt was instantly wiped away as I overhear an annoying voice, from who else? The flirty Gianna. She was wearing a very short skirt paired with a top that would likely spill all her chest because of her neckline. The small tattoo on her shoulder was also visible, how did she not get dress coded?
I usually never judge people based on what they're wearing, but to hell with her! I just can't help but to judge her.
Kief spared me a glance before smiling at Gianna's direction. I also noticed how she took a look at me before frowning and giving all of her attention to Kiefer. "I'm wondering if you're free tonight? You see I have a party tonight and I was wondering if maybe you can come? Surely Keira won't mind, right?"
They all turned to me, as if they were all waiting for my answer. If we were in a different situation I'd laugh at them as they looked like they choreographed them, but this was one of those nerve wracking and fist clenching scenes.
I was about to give my answer when Kief beat me to it, "I'm sorry Gi, but I'm not available tonight or any of the following days. Kei and I will be very busy and I don't think I have the time to spend with other girls." Varying reactions could be seen and heard from where we were.
Gosh, these nosy people really need to work on their whispers.
"Because my attention is all on one girl." He said as he stared into my eyes. He smiled as he grabbed my hand. "And I don't think I can take it if I lose her again."