Chapter 3 - 1943

As the time passed, 1942 bled into 1943, and the war was still in the mists. Bombs and aircraft noises going off, the sounds of gunshots as both the persecuted and resistance members were killed on the streets day in and day out. "No one can keep out of it anymore, the whole world is at war." Anne wrote. Would it ever come to an end? When will she be able to breathe fresh air once again? When will she be able to be herself once again? It's not easy living all together all the time. Tension is high between members. Anne is often fed up with how the others seem to always comment about her behavior, such as her chatty and rambunctious nature. But Anne couldn't help it… that was just the way she was. Still, there were many of times where she would be told, especially by people such as mother and Mrs. Van Pels that she should try to be more like Margot, and use her older sister as an example of good behavior, but Margot too, happened to be called out for her scant appetite by Mrs. Van Pels, but as the war continued to progress, and tensions continued to rise, it was not just Anne who had somewhat of a troubling behavior, as the adults were found to act in less than mature ways… as the dreadful war is beginning to take its toll on everyone. In 1943, there was another owner who bought part of the building, such as the offices, warehouses, and even the Secret Annex… and there was fear that there might be some demand to be given a tour of the annex… or in other words… a dreadful way of being almost discovered… The original owners who had owned the building since 1901, and who Otto Frank had bought the building from, still technically owned the place, and it was they who made the second sale. Since 1942, Otto kept track of the progress of the Allies. With a picture of Europe on the wall, he used pins and marked the steps of the Allies, this was one thing that helped to keep their spirits up, as by February of 1943, it was a goal they strived to keep: hope, and liberation. By the next month, the annex was temporarily running into power problems, as it had short-circuited, and the roaring sound of the war didn't lighten up. These troubling matters deeply conflicted with Anne, and she often took to sleeping with father for comfort. At one time, Mrs. Van Pels revealed that she thought she heard noises coming from the attic, being positive that robbers had broken in. Upon inspection, it was found to only be rats, which were later put at bay by Peter's cat, Mouschi. It was within the same month that food was starting to run short. Meip, who was in charge of such things, thought that her hidden friends should be aware of this, but she didn't say it with the intention to alarm and worry them. "It's becoming difficult to find food for everyone. I try my luck in the more distant neighborhoods, but after waiting for hours I find that there's almost nothing I'm able to buy… some cabbage, a few string beans, and a whole handful of rotten potatoes." Explained Miep. Of course, this was a topic of worry. "It won't be easy finding you all provisions. Everything has become so expensive on the black market." Miep added. "Miep, don't forget the risk you're taking in this. Of course our collection of canned food and such won't last forever, but we'll just have to tighten our belts." Said Otto. Hermann Van Pels then had an idea. "Miep, I have an idea! Why don't you try to find someone who would want to buy my suit!" He proposed. His wife, Auguste, however, would not hear of it. "I will not hear of it!" She said. "We need the money dear. Besides, it's not like I need a suit here anyways? If we can manage to sell it, then Miep can buy food for us!" He reasoned. "Alright, Mr. Van Pels, I'll try to sell it at a good price." Said Miep.

By the 19th of March, it was found that the thought of Turkey entering the war turned to be false, which displeased many members of the Annex, and meanwhile, it was discovered that Fritz Pfeffer had been breaking the Annex rules, as he is still currently carrying on with the correspondence with a number of outsiders, which includes Charlotte, and he has been writing more letters than he should. The other members try to talk him out of it, as it can turn out to be a dangerous move, but to no avail. A few days later, on the 25, Margot and Peter happen to overhear some noise down in the warehouse and panic, as this occurrence was only one out of several burglaries in the building. They assume the robbers must have fled when they heard footsteps of those in the Annex. Would they be reported and discovered? No one in the Annex slept much that night... Near the end of the month, Anne hears word from some German bigwig who was calling for the extermination of Jews from the province of Utrecht throughout the course of the next month. It horrified Anne so much to the point where she would no longer write about it in her diary. "My own thoughts give me nightmares!" She would write. The horridness of the outside world was a stark contrast to the kindness that is shown by their helpers, Miep, Kuglar, Kleiman, and Bep, as well as Bep's father, and Miep's husband. On the 1st of April, the outside support, which is the helpers, have started to falter a bit, as both Kleiman and Bep are out sick, and Bep's father has to go in for surgery for a stomach ulcer. With this news, the Annex members feared for their safely much more, as what would have just been a small inconvenience, turns into something of life and death situation The next night, Anne's mother, Edith, enters her youngest daughter's room, asking if Anne would like to say her prayers with her, instead of Otto doing it, which was a usual thing before bed, but Anne denied, and Edith broke into tears. It was right to say that mother was somewhat more religious than Anne, but Anne's denial was of course a very teenage thing to do. "I don't want to be angry with you." She says. "I can't make you love me!" Otto Frank is angered at Anne's behavior, and Anne stubbornly refuses to apologize, as she believes she is acting in accordance with what she is feeling, although Anne would only realize how selfish she acted in that moment when she tends to grow more mature. By the end of April, quarreling is happening from the whole Annex, as parts of Amsterdam have gone up in flames and the rage of air raids increase, and as before, it has it tolling effects on Anne, as she now has bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep from all the terrible and terrifying commotion as the Annex's supply of food continues to run short. On the first of May, it was Pfeffer's birthday, and with the celebration, he received a package of foodstuff from Charlotte. This was a surprise that led to a much bigger surprise, and at the same time, not a pleasant surprise: Fritz Pfeffer was hoarding food, and both Anne and the others were not pleased by that discovery, and as a matter of fact, Pfeffer's greed only made Anne more angry towards him. As gunfire continued to rage, Anne packed a bag just in case she needed to flee, but upon seeing this, her mother, Edith, pointed out the fact that there was nowhere to go, and nowhere to flee. Anne realized well that their lives in the Secret Annex was far better than all those who are being deported, all those who are suffering and being killed, but Anne has taken to being discontent about how the so called manners of the Annex members have seemed to declined as more and more time goes on, and as the war continues to rage on on the outside. By now, Otto Frank wears trousers and such things that go unwashed, due to the rationing of the detergent. Will life ever return back to normal when everything is finally over? Later that same day, Anne wrote another entry, which is titled " The Attitude of Annex Residents Towards the War " . Within this entry, Anne talks about what everyone feels about the war. Mrs. Van Pels says that the war will continue for the rest of the year, as well as the fact that she also argues that the members of the Annex should fake IDs that happen to be either costly, or down right unaffordable. Anne thinks Mrs. Van Pels is ridiculous, as she also points out how Mrs. Van Pels talks about moving to Jerusalem after the war, and by the next day, she talks about her interest in being baptized once everything is all over.

By the 18th of May, the war was still growing. Anne witnesses what could only be called a dogfight between German and English planes. To add to this, there´s news that college students in Holland have to sign a statement saying they are in alliance with the Nazis, if not, they face dire consequences. A firebombing occurs near the Annex, sending the entire household into an uproar. At this point, it seems as if being inside the walls of the Secret Annex is just as horrible and dangerous as being on the outside. The only thing that seems to bring the feeling of normal, is the celebration of birthdays and holidays, and within the next month, on June 12, 1943, Anne turns 14. Father made a poem for her, although it wasn't written in Dutch, so it had to be translated by Margot. Her next few gifts were candy, and a book on Greek and Roman mythology. Two days later, the Annex gets thrown into a setback, as Bep´s father has been discovered to have cancer, and has stopped coming to work because of this. To add to the bad news, there's a new warehouse worker taking his place… this could possibly change everything.... Could his sudden presence cut off the survival of those hiding just above?.. Or will that lie in the hand of another cruel soul?.. Within the next month of July, Anne does everything she can to avoid criticism by the adults. This would turn out to be a big turning point for the young teen, as she began to scrutinize her own actions, and becoming more mature in the process. She also came to realize that "a little hypocrisy" rather than saying what was on her mind, made not only Anne's life easier, but the life of everyone else in the Annex. Meanwhile, Miep's generosity is in no end, as she scrapes together food for the members everyday, as well as bringing library books on the weekends. About two days later, on the 13 of July, Anne was polite in asking Pfeffer if she could use the writing desk in their room for a few hours each day, but Pfeffer just kicks up a fuss, calling Anne " shamefully self centered", but after a talk with Otto, Pfeffer finally gives in. As usual, Anne's perspective sees Pfeffer seemingly as selfish, but can one really blame his actions? As there is rarely any sense of normal in their lives anymore, it seems as if everyone, including Pfeffer himself, cling to whatever brings even the smallest feeling of security. On the 16, there was another robbery, as the war had brought many people to looting. Managing to sneak up to the upstairs offices, the criminals steal money and the Annex's entire thing of sugar coupons. Once again, the greed of others puts the Jews of the Secret Annex in the grave danger of being caught. Another three days later, and the dwellers get word that much of Amsterdam has been claimed by bombs, and children are looking through what was now the ruin of what once was their home in search of their parents. As a child herself, Anne couldn't help but be haunted by the thought of being a war orphan, but thankfully the Annex is missed by the bombings, and lives to see another day, Anne however, is chilled by the terrible memory of the sounds of the oncoming bombs. On the 23, Anne recites what the Annex members want to do once they are free. Margot and Mr. Van Pels want nothing more but a nice warm bath, while Mrs. Van Pels wants to eat pastries. Mr. Pfeffer wants to see his wife Charlotte and Mrs. Frank wants a cup of coffee, and Anne herself wants nothing more but to be free, to write, to go back to school, and to breathe the fresh air. This was not only the wanting for the war to end, but for being able to experience freedom and luxuries of life once more. In just three days, trouble arises as Amsterdam is bombed twice in one day. Poor Anne is so terrified that her legs shake when she lays in bed at night. As the bombs continue into the night, it causes Anne to go into a panic. When she relates to Kitty about the terrible bombing and gunfire, she often doesn't describe herself and how she feels in relation to the others, making her feel utterly alone, which is why she seeks out her father, Otto, for comfort. By the next morning, the members get news of Mussolini's resignation, who is the leader of Italy. This news once again fills the members with hope that the war will be over soon.

It seemed as if Anne couldn't talk about her opinions about anything, not even a book! While at dinner one night, or perhaps after dinner, Anne had let out her opinion on a book that she had read, which was a book that both Pfeffer and Mrs. Van Pels did as well, but was teased and criticised for her 'thought to be' childish thoughts, and perhaps the thought that the book may have been a bit too mature for Anne's age, or at least what they assumed Anne's age was. Anne was furious in response. Anne's journey between childhood and maturity has often involved her ability to channel her anger. And the criticism of Pfeffer and Auguste Van Pels only serve to make Anne feel more isolated. A few days later, the world now bleeding into August of 1943, there was once again the familiarity of another air raid, and it was this time where Anne steels herself, as it was an attempt for her to be more courageous. But Mrs. Van Pels crumbles like falling sand or what not. With Mr. Van Pels comforting his weeping wife, Anne would have to admit that she was almost sentimental at the sight. It was the next day, where Anne described what the usual evening was like in the Secret Annex. She describes the routine of each person's turn in the bathroom; how she has to be up in the middle of the night to use her tin can chamber pot, which was not the world's quietest thing at all. The noises of Pfeffer as he falls asleep, upon the manner of all other things, as well as how she tended to flee to father in the presence of gunfire. It's a childlike act that's a striking contrast to the rebellious and adolescent Anne Frank. Her description of daily life in the Annex continued over to the next day, where she describes when the helpers would visit for lunch. Between Anne and Pfeffer, Anne uses the writing desk until 4 pm, and if she's one minute late, Pfeffer is common to grow impatient, as he holds a small clock in his hand. As for supper, Anne describes the feeling of selfishness from Mr. and Mrs. Van Pels, as they always take a lot of the good bits of food, but of course, one always has to remember that it's Auguste Van Pels herself that is in charge of the cooking, for this reason, Anne feels its selfish of her to eat more, or at least eat more of the good parts, than the others, although it may seem the exact opposite to Mr. Van Pels. Otto Frank on the other hand, was the exact opposite of the Van Pels, as he always makes sure everyone else is served first before taking his portion. Not only is Anne still in the process of maturity, although some might say she was actually more mature than her age would say, given to both her writing and what she has had to live through, but she is also in the process of adjusting her outward attitude, as to keep peace in the Annex, and no longer gives complaints about her food, as she is beyond well aware that she's lucky to have even the smallest bits of it. "Do you happen to know what mother calls this kind of thing? She calls it 'the art of living'." Anne wrote. But despite these efforts, Anne can't sometimes help but to be judgemental and have a quizzical eye over the others, as a good example of this would be Pfeffer, especially with the kind of books he's been requesting for. Why, just recently, he requested that Miep bring him an anti-Mussolini book from the library, by which Miep was close to getting a run in with the S.S. on her way back with the book, and Anne couldn't help but think what would have happened if they questioned Meip. What in the wide world was Fritz Pfeffer thinking?! And it was for that situation that Anne felt right for questioning his library requests. By September 1943, meals in the Annex had grown silent. By now, everyone but Pfeffer had been in the Annex for an entire year, and the feeling of confinement is taking its toll… meanwhile Mr. Van Maaren, who was hired to replace Bep's father, was growing suspicious of the noises he's been hearing from above… a situation which could have deadly consequences… On the 29, it was Auguste Van Pels birthday. Despite the rations, the Annex members managed to give her a jar of jam, flowers, and rations stamps. By now, the members are now relying very deeply on Bep, and all the stress causes Bep to have a small meltdown. Once again, the adults are quarreling, with father being upset at the Van Pels, as he believes they are hoarding food. The the 29 of the next month, Mrs. Van Pels is forced to sell her prized and favorite fur coat. Although she does receive a good deal of money for it in return, she grows furious when she is told that the money is needed for the Annex, as Auguste wants to use the money to buy clothes after the war. All the fighting has taken its toll on poor Anne, as she has lost her appetite, and cries herself to sleep at night. Why couldn't she just grow up like a regular child?! It's like she was not allowed to even be a child, let alone grow up from being one!

In an effort to put Anne's mind at ease, father orders a catalog from a correspondence school and encourages the other members to take lessons. Not only was it an act of generosity from Otto, but also a survival tactic. It was the clinging of pre war pastimes and behaviors that offered somewhat of a comfort to the Annex members. Tensions have gone down for the most part, but it still seemed as if Pfeffer and the Van Pels were at odds over the smallest of things. Now in the month of November, it's come to the attention that life in confinement has Anne awash in her emotions. She feels depressed, and has trouble with imagining life after the war. Although Anne is surrounded by her family, she can't help but feel alone. By the 17 of November, a year and a day after Pfeffer first set foot in the Annex, it was found he was somehow unhappy. Just like Anne, he was under the feelings of depression. "Should we console or congratulate you for making it this far in the Annex?" Anne asked. "Either one will do." He replied. In likeness, it's as if Pfeffer feels isolated, with the fear that he'll die before he's given the chance to see his loved ones again, such as Charlotte.

Lies Goslar… She was practically Anne's best friend… but now, she only serves as an embodiment of Anne's survivor's guilt… the very fact that Anne is in the Annex as she hides, continuing to be away from the outside world, while her most dearest friends are being deported to only God knows where and being murdered. While Anne lays in her bed, falling asleep, images of Lies appear before her eyes. "I saw her standing there, dressed in tattered rags, her face thin and worn." She writes. In her visions, Lies looks to Anne with nothing but sadness in her eyes, as if to ask, "Why have you abandoned me, Anne?" And it only serves to greet Anne with overflowing guilt. "Why have I been chosen to while, while she's probably to die?" Anne would wonder. December was arriving soon, as well as the holidays. Anne thought it would be terrible not to celebrate Saint Nicholas Day, so with the help of father, the two came up with a way to celebrate, with Anne writing a poem for each member of the Annex and placing it inside their shoes. It was in December 1943 when Anne also happened to come down with the flu, but she would soon become better. The holidays have helped to ease the usual tension. For Hunukah, Pfeffer gives Mrs. Van Pels and mother a lovely cake, meanwhile Anne had saved up all her sugar for a month, planning to have Mr. Kleiman, who was one of the helpers, turn it into fondant, which would serve as a present for Bep and Miep. In a way, Anne felt like she was one the top of the world, for being fortunate to survive, and in the depths of despair at the same time, as it was a feeling that always seemed to arise when there would be thoughts about the wonders of the future and life after the war. Anne longs to laugh so hard till it hurts, to breath the fresh air, and for freedom away from confinement. She wonders if anyone will ever see her beyond being a Jew, but being a normal teenager who is in the need for so good, old plain fun. Reflecting on her relationship with mother, Anne longs to have a mother that understands her. At least she can write… she feels as if writing is the only thing that can lift her spirit, even if it's only a small bit. Anne longs to return to a life where the central focus of her was not all about her Jewish upbringing. A year before, father had told Anne a story, which Anne now reflects on. It was about a girl he was once in love with. "Poor Pim," 'Pim' was father's nickname. "He can't fool me into thinking he's forgotten that girl. He never will." Anne wrote. Of course, that girl was Anne. Although the next members didn't celebrate Christmas, they made an exception with the presence of their helpers, who they were so grateful for and to have. It was December 27, 1943, when Anne received her first ever Christmas present. The helpers gifted the Annex members with a cake that said "Peace 1944", along with a batch of prewar cookies. Anne received a jar of yogurt that was wrapped in pretty paper. The helpers were just as eager for the war to end as their Jewish friends. Anne continued to have visions at night. This time, her vision of Lies is also followed by her grandmother, who died in early 1942 from illness. "Oh Grandma, how little we understood what she suffered." Anne wrote. Even though grandma was beloved, Anne realizes the possible thoughts of her being lonely in her old age. For Lies, Anne is reminded of what she would be like if she wasn't currently hiding away. "Why must I dream such awful dreams that make me want to scream out in terror?" She wonders. "Is it because I don't have enough faith in God?" By the 30 of December, food was once again scarce, as winter is quite severe, which of course, makes tensions rise. Worry spreads about how good is not fairly distributed, as well as the big push of the potato rations. In her diary, the only place she can be herself, Anne writes for the wish of the Frank family being able to finally part from the others in the Annex. However, Anne is delighted when Bep gifts her with a postcard bearing the picture of the Dutch Royal Family, which Anne highly loved.