1944 has arrived, and still the war continues. Anne often looked back and reflected on the entries that were written in the past. When she looks back at the entries that involve mother, she has a change of heart. Anne now recognizes her part in making her mother act nervous and irritable, and regrets those actions. From this point on, Anne resolves to stop her harsh judgement of mother, and even though Anne admits that she can never love mother with what would be called "the devotion of a child". It was only a few days after when Anne confessed a few things-two things exactly-with the first being the speculation of mother seeing her more as a friend than her daughter, which prompts Anne to go on to wonder how a real mother would act. Meanwhile, her second confession is much more personal. Speaking openly to Kitty about how she's been going through puberty, she confesses her sexuality, and how she's not only fond of boys, but also girls. Later that same day, Anne tells Kitty about how her long waiting desire for companionship has led into attempts of becoming more friendly with Peter Van Pels. Anne feels she can see beyond what Peter shows to the outside world, and wishes that he would look past her "chatty exterior", but she denies being in love with Peter. Years before going into hiding, Anne made good friends with another boy who had the name of Peter Schiff, a boy Anne was previously in love with. They two had met when Peter moved to Amsterdam, and had even spent an entire summer practically inseparable. To Kitty, and only Kitty, Anne described the dream she had of Peter Schiff, where he places his cheek against hers. The visions of grandma have now changed, as Anne sees her appearing as a guardian angel, although it doesn't seem as if the visions of Lies have changed. The next day's entry goes into details of how Anne fell in love with Peter Schiff. She confided in Kitty that when father had kissed her that morning, Anne so wished that he was Peter Schiff. Anne confides things to Kitty that she would never dream of sharing with others, although there is the clear fact that the second person she would confide in was father.
On January 12, Kitty was met with another entry of Anne's reflections of mother. She speculates that Edith must think that she had a fantastic relationship with her daughters. Anne considers that she sees herself as how others might see her: as "Anne Frank". She feels that even though she feels like an orphan within her own family, God has sent someone to help her, and that someone happens to be the vision of Peter Schiff. By this time, the members in hiding have taken to dividing up the food supplies in accordance to separate rations. On the 15th, Edith will be receiving extra sugar, since her birthday is the next day. The extra sugar has sparked jealousy in Mrs. Van Pels. Meanwhile at supper, it seems Pfeiffer is taking more than his fair share of gravy. It leaves Anne wondering how many people are so selfish and stingy. As Anne only matures more, she questions and assesses the actions of the adults around her, which is obviously from being confined in the Annex, but this confinement has allowed Anne to see a glimpse into the adult world, which is learned to be much more complex than the assumed world of children. A few days later, Anne feels that the dream she had with Peter Schiff has changed her. She no longer feels jealous of the relationship that Margot has with father. Assessing her behavior towards her parents, Anne can't help but wonder if she'll ever grow to be the person she hopes to be. "Can you please tell me why people go to such lengths to hide their real selves?" Anne would ask Kitty on January 22. Anne wonders why she behaves differently when she's around other people. Is there anyone she can truly confide in anyone? I mean, of course she can confide in her diary, but is Kitty the only one? Another reflection on the dream she had with Peter Schiff makes Anne feel like she has become more mature. She has a new attitude towards the conflicts that arise in the Annex. "I feel all conflicts might have taken a different turn if we remained open instead of seeing the worst side." Anne would write. By the end of January, talk was going around from the stories that Klieman and Jan Gies, who is Miep's husband, say about the many resistance groups that have been recently popping up. Anne can't help but reflect on how selfless all their helpers have been. On the night of January 30, Anne goes downstairs in the dark and stares up at the sky. When her eyes fall upon a German plane, she realizes that she's utterly alone, however, she doesn't feel afraid given that she has a sudden strong feeling in faith with God. Anne's feelings of isolation are now feelings of strength. By the 3rd of February, there was talk about the rumors of the potential Allied invasion of Holland. There's also the talk of speculation about the Germans destroying the dams and flooding the Netherlands, which caused the Annex dwellers to joke about what they might do to survive such a thing, but Anne doesn't pay heed to it. "I've reached the point where I hardly care if I live or die." She writes.
Something is in Anne that she just can't explain, let alone just about contain. If she were asked to describe it, she may say that it was the awakening of spring blossoming inside of her. "I feel it in both my entire body and soul. I have to force myself to act normally." It was now that there was a bond that was growing between Anne and Peter Van Pels. After a small argument she got into with Pfeffer, Peter took Anne aside for a moment, telling her that he admires how Anne handles confrontations, and Anne is pleased to hear that. She feels pleased to have finally found the feeling of some fellowship with, not just him, but with anyone. It was a fellowship that was only present between Anne and her friends, or who she calls her 'girlfriends'. On 16 February, it was Margot's 18 birthday. Taking it upon herself, Anne goes to fetch some potatoes from the attic. The one and only ladder that led to the Annex's attic was in Peter's room. With this, Anne was bound to run into Peter. Despite the bond that is growing between the two, Anne is still going through denial about her feelings for him, plus, Peter is bound to be up in the attic, as he tends to spend quite some time up there, working on carpentry and such. Later, Anne was sent up to fetch more potatoes by mother, and on the second trip, Anne finds herself talking with Peter. During their conversations, Peter mentions things such as how he thinks about switching over to Christianity after the ending of the war. "It would just make my life easier." He said. To Anne, this dismayed her, as well as the fact of Peter's dishonesty, but secretly of course. But Peter then quickly added a twist, saying that he still believes that Jews are the chosen people. It would only be later that Anne would come to realize something. "Perhaps Peter just needs affection just like I do. I'm fact, I speculate that he might have an inferiority complex." It was just two days later that Anne admitted that whenever she goes upstairs, it's to see him, but rest assured, she is not in love with Peter. But in some way, she may be. But does Peter really like her in return? Over the course of the next morning, Anne and Peter only in passing, which sends Anne into despair. She weeps in secret throughout the day, longing for Peter's comfort, but worries about the possibility that he may not need someone to confide in. On the morning of the 23 of February, the weather was just beautiful, and Anne has taken to heading up to the attic every morning, where she can see the blue sky and breath the fresh air of the outside world. That morning, she had run into Peter once more, as he cleaned out the Annex's attic. The two sit together, looking out into the blue sky. There were no words exchanged, but Anne feels at ease. "As long as this exists, this sunshine and this cloudless sky, how can I be sad?" She wrote. By now, there was a feeling of romance that Anne felt towards Peter. After she completes her most recent entry to Kitty, she adds a postscript to Peter. Her romantic interests in him have made Anne feel a level of responsibility for him. "I know that we've been missing out on so much during our period in hiding. Just like you, I long for the everlasting embrace of freedom." When Anne was with Peter that morning, she found that she was happy. It was a happiness that, to her, is greater than any riches.
By the last few days of February, Peter is practically always on Anne's mind. She believes that she and Peter are similar in a way. "Neither Peter nor I have a mother." Anne would write. She also thinks that Peter, just like her herself, is in a struggle with his feelings. It makes Anne wonder if the two of them will ever connect on a meaningful level. It seems now that Anne's feelings and desires for Peter are much like a waking nightmare. She feels that she has to pretend to be the Anne that's normal, cheerful, and exuberant, otherwise it may attract suspicion from the others. To Anne, it was like Peter Van Pels and Peter Schiff had become a single individual. It was an individual that was both kind and good, and whom she desperately longed for. On the first of March, there was yet again another break in, sending the Annex members into a panic. Speculation went around that the burglar somehow has a duplicate key since there are no signs of forced entry. Anne fears that the burglars may return. The next day, Anne was once again up in the attic, but not with Peter, rather, she was with Margot. The two siblings spend some time talking about things such as how aggravating mother and father were. While it was true that spending time with Margot wasn't as nice as it was when spending time with Peter, Margot was Anne's sister, and their time together was important.
"Love is understanding someone… Losing your virtue doesn't matter as long as you know that you'll always have someone who understands you."
On her next afternoon chat with Peter, they talk about their parents, from which Peter admits that his parents fight all the time, but asks Anne not to tell anyone. Although Anne secretly told Margot, she suggested to Peter that he should talk to Otto about it, as she feels that father may be able to help. Anne stared into the flame of a candle. From within the flickering flame, she imagines that she sees grandmother, who she believes watches over her. It's at this time that Anne finally admits the possibility of her falling in love with Peter. When the two crossed paths that evening, Peter took to asking. "Anne, are you in love?" "Why should I be in love?" Anne asked. "Why not?" He replied. Peter says he needs no friends, but Anne feels that's an untrue statement. She longs for Peter to allow her to help him. So why won't he?
Life was quite different back in 1942. Anne was younger back then compared to the two years she's spent hidden away. Back then, she was just about always surrounded by her friends, as well as her admires. She felt the love of her teachers, and was soiled by her parents. But now, over these past two years, it seemed as if all those things have faded away. But of course, the life in the Annex is paradise compared to the horrors of the outside world and the horrors of those deported to what would be their death. Anne wonders who that Anne Frank of 1942 was compared to the Anne Frank she was now. "I look back at Anne Frank from then as a pleasant, amusing, yet superficial girl, who has nothing to do with me." While it was true that Anne had matured plenty during her time in hiding, the Anne from 1942 would not be forever lost and buried, would she? Even now, Anne can still be called amusing. In a way, she was the same, and in a way, she was completely different. Unlike mother, who encourages those who are suffering to think about those who happen to be suffering worse fates, Anne would rather think of the beauty rather than the misery. It was the 10 of March, and Miep had fallen ill, while Kleiman hadn't returned to work yet. This leaves Bep on her own to take care of both the office and the Annex members. Mr. Van Hoeven, who has been supplying the annex with their food necessities, such as potatoes, jam, and butter, has just been arrested. This could mean danger for the Annex. On an unrelated note, Anne is still unsure if Peter really likes her or not. She worries that she just annoys him. She has such mood swings she worried about keeping a 'normal façade' so to speak. When will she find her inner peace again? The food supplies is goin short. The Annex dwellers are now forced to eat pickled kale and mashed potatoes. Anne observed that each adult have a different response to the food shortage and the stress of being in confinement. To Anne, Mrs. Van Pels wallows in self pity, while her husband smokes and alternates between loving Auguste and hating her. Mother dwells in the fact that there are others that have it much worse. Father continues to be optimistic, and Pfeffer simply just looks out for himself. Can he really be blamed for that? He's obviously that lone wolf of the Annex. For Mrs. Van Pels, it's the terrible length of the war, which feels like it goes on forever with no possible end in sight.
Why was Anne so much more restless than Peter? She assumed it was because she doesn't have a room to himself like Peter does. While everyone else has to share one, Peter gets one all to himself. The only times that Anne can feel like herself is up in the attic or writing to Kitty. There's a struggle between her airing confidence and her experiences of her inner turmoil. Anne wonders whether Peter will be the only one who will be able to see underneath her granite mask. She longs for companionship and connection, yet, at the same time, an equal longing for solitude, which is the only place where she can be truly herself. A typical experience with adolescence is the feeling of not only maturity, but independence. Anne feels too tight in the attention of her parents, and although she more than loves them, she wants nothing more than for them to stop treating her like a child. She wants her own space. She feels far more mature than other girls her age. A life in hiding can shape a person, even when they're young. It makes sense, right? While some would say that Anne seemed to grow mature well before she reached the age of maturity, that would be correct in a way. After all, what do you do when it seems you're not allowed to be a normal child? It was on the evening of March 19, where Anne and Peter were up in the attic like usual. In the fading light that is shown through an open window, the two have a heart-to-heart conversation. Just like what they've talked about before, their parents are put into the discussion, as well as how Anne has been miserable, and how Peter goes up into the loft and swears, as well as among other things. The conversation bleeds into how both Anne and Peter have grown in the past two years. Peter admits that the reason he finds Anne such a good help to him is simply because of her well known cheerful nature. To Anne, she feels as if she and Peter "share a secret".
Oh, Kitty, he was exactly like I thought he'd be!" Anne was worried about the possible friction that could come between her and Margot. And of course, it involved Peter Van Pels. Anne worried that Margot also liked Peter, but Margot said that she wasn't upset about Anne's friendship, but just wished she could find someone to confide in as well. On the other hand, it's been a little over a month since Anne began to confide in Peter, and it's now that she feels she and Peter are in love, although Anne swears she isn't thinking of marrying him! "I don't even know what he'll be like when he grows up!" She mused, but she did feel that Peter loved her, she's confident. She's happy that she has finally found someone that understands that she has an inner self. On the 23 of March, a plane crashes near the Annex, and Germans spray the airmen with bullets. The Annex members are terrified by the event. To keep herself occupied, Anne continued talking with Peter. "Speaking honestly, Kitty, you never realize how much you've changed until after it's happened." Anne muses. Today was another moment in time when Anne reflects on who much she's changed over the time in hiding. Throughout that time, she's learned to navigate through the various quarrels and arguments that arise in the Annex. In the conclusion of her most recent letter to Kitty, she writes about how she hopes that she will continue to change for the better, and she feels that her relationship with Peter will help, and that she has Peter himself to help her.
Why couldn't the adults just stay out of her business?! At first, the adults seemed to be amused by the relationship between Anne and Peter, but now, it seems they're taking it more seriously, as well as personally. "I forbid you from seeing Peter!" Edith Frank demanded. It was either Anne or Edith that had the fear of Mrs. Van Pels being jealous. Peter invites Anne and Margot up to the attic, and Edith tells Anne that she shouldn't worry whether Mrs. Van Pels is jealous or not. Like mentioned before, Anne just wished the adults would stay out of her business. Meanwhile, it was just two or three days before April 1944, when Anne heard over the radio from a Dutch Cabinet member that they're looking for diaries and letters written during the war. For Anne, it was time for the writings in her diaries to be revised for future generations. There was a fire in Anne's mind and heart that burned at the thought of her diary being one day published. Upon this thought, Anne realizes that there were still so many things about the war that she hasn't yet written about: the lootings, the raids, the food shortages, and so on. To Anne, there was no doubt she would live to see the end of the war. She would live to see that day when she will once again be free. It was now that Anne spent more than ever time reporting and writing on the subjects of the war.
"The Russians have reached the Polish border in Romania. I speculate that the millions of Jews that dwell within German-occupied Hungary will be doomed." Anne writes.
By the 5 of April, Anne has resolved to forget about her puzzling relationship with Peter, and rather, just focus on her schoolwork and her writing. Anne wants to become a journalist, and in order to fulfill this, she must continue with her studies. In consideration with her diaries and the few written stories she's made, Anne wonders if they have any talent. Anne's final resolve in this case is to practically lose herself in her writing. On April 11, there was another break-in in the Opekta warehouses below. Peter alerted this message to Edith, but it seemed that she, as well as the other Annex members, were in too much of a hurry to turn out the lights and hide. That night was extremely tense, as the Annex members were convinced they would have to spend two complete days in full silence. But thankfully, Miep, along with her husband, Jan, arrived to tell their hiding friends the danger had passed. The Jews in hiding are warned to be much more cautious because of the break-ins. They're reminded that they're still 'chained Jews'. Anne hopes for the day when they will be thought of as 'people' instead of 'Jews'. "I believe God will lift us out of this crisis. Perhaps, after the war is over, the world will learn something about the goodness of the suffering of Jews." These are beliefs that Anne holds on to, just as she holds onto the rope of freedom. "We can never be just Dutch, or just English, or whatever it may be. We will always be Jews as well." She writes. "And we'll have to keep on being Jews, but then, we'll want to be." Anne reflected on the night of the break-in: the night she thought she would die. "I feel as if my independence and courage grows more everyday, and my dreams of what the future may be, harbor inside me. If God lets me live, I will achieve more than mother ever did." Because of the break-in, tensions were running high again, although Anne feels like things aren't as bad as they seem. In Anne's mind, she feels that the others should try to govern their outer selves the way she does in hopes of bringing peace to the Secret Annex. "Here in the Annex, no one bothers to set a good example. We each have to figure out how to get the better of our own moods." To add another truth to the boiling pot, it was true that the generosity of the helpers, who were also their Christian friends, was not without great risk. The helpers were at risk of perhaps being shot, arrested, or even sent to a concentration camp themselves.
"Peter! How could you be so reckless?!" Mr. Kuglar asked, although rather infuriated. Peter Van Pels was rightfully ashamed. How could he be so careless as to forget?! On April 15, he was careless enough to leave the warehouse door locked. Mr. Kuglar had to smash a window to get inside. On the other hand, the warehouse workers spot open windows up in the Annex… one worker was presumably Mr. Van Maaren… Peter's carelessness has put the group at extreme risk probably more than any break-in could… But of course, it was obviously accidental, but nevertheless, dangerous… It was the next day that there was a moment that would perhaps never measure up to any conversation Anne and Peter ever shared: it was a kiss, and it was just the day before when the two were up in the attic cuddling. Although more than excited for what was her first kiss, there was now the fact that Anne was not as close to Peter as she had been before. It was passing time with Peter that put both her feelings of isolation and her hidden fear about the war at ease. But it was this fact that they've become more physical that makes Anne somewhat pause. Was 14 year old Anne Frank really as independent as she thought? Was this a matter she had to bring up to father? It was Spring 1944, and Bep had brought flowers up to the Annex, as well as newspapers that are delivered by Mr. Kuglar. By the end of April, Pfeffer was in a huff, due to the new security measures in the Annex, which forbids him from opening any windows at night. In Anne's mind, Peter Van Pels and Peter Schiff are no longer one individual, as they have now gone back to being two separate lives. But that doesn't mean that Anne has forgotten about the dream she had with Peter Schiff. Anne feels as if a new closeness has come into view when she shared her first kiss with Peter Van Pels. It was as if the outer Anne Frank slips away completely, leaving the inner Anne Frank in the arms of Peter Van Pels, who has managed to find a part of her that rarely makes an appearance. It is now the month of May, and Anne finally resolves to tell father about her relationship with Peter. To father, it seems that he's torn in two ways about the relationship. At first, he's understanding and accepting, but upon further thoughts, father warns Anne against the relationship, citing the close corridors of the Annex. With the running tensions, a romantic break up is the last thing needed. And while this was true, Anne and Peter promised to keep their relationship under control despite the up and down tensions.
All results have events that lead up to it. All effects have a cause. So what was the cause of this war? Anne wondered that. What was the point? Why can't people live in peace? "The war isn't just the work of politicians and capitalists, but also the work of the common people. "I speculate there's a destructive urge… an urge to rage, murder and kill in all people. I believe that humanity will have to undergo metamorphosis transformation before war can be eradicated." Meditating on her future, Anne feels she has many talents that hide within her, and to her, life is a grand adventure. With the feeling of maturity, and the feeling of the war finally coming to an end, Anne thinks, "Why should I despair?" There was a certain, and perhaps unwarranted, optimism that connects with the growing sense of maturity. And while the war is nothing but a troubled, and terrible experience, it's also as if it can be considered like an adventure. Meanwhile, Anne and Peter are continuing to engage in what would be called "necking", and Mr. Frank is not so happy about it. Anne writes father a letter, which could also be viewed as Anne's declaration of independence. But what Anne doesn't realize is that she's falling prey to the same selfishness that she condemns everyone else to. She always notes with displeasure to Kitty about the selfishness of those such as Mrs. Van Pels and Pfeffer, yet, at times, she fails to recognize her own selfishness. Her letter showed how Anne is unable to see father's point of view.
"When I was having problems, everyone-and that includes you-closed their eyes and ears and didn't help me." With the feeling of independence, Anne feels as if she's capable of making her own decisions. Anne closes her letter with the demand that father leave her alone, and that she be allowed to do what she pleases. It was perhaps two days later that Otto received the letter from his youngest daughter. He was deeply hurt by the written words. In response, Otto had a tearful heart-to-heart conversation with Anne. It was only now that Anne realized that the letter she wrote was a cruel mistake, and feels deeply ashamed of her actions. But this action allowed Anne to come to the understanding when she's wrong, which helps show how mature the 14 year old truly has grown. "I make a vow to continue improving myself, using father as an example." Anne told Kitty all about father. He was born into a wealthy family, and attended all kinds of parties. Mother was born into a well-to-do family as well. After the war, Anne hoped that she would one day enjoy some of the things that mother and father enjoyed when they were young. "I want to see the world and do all kinds of exciting things! And a little money won't hurt!" She mused. Anne continued to dream about her future, and she did that through her writing. She worked hard. After the war, Anne wanted to publish a book based on her diary called 'The Secret Annex'. Although Anne and Peter continue their relationship, she has shut him out from her inner self, although there's no clear reason why, but still, Anne marvels at how sweet Peter is, and his desire for tenderness. In Miep's words, it was very hard for the children to hide, as they couldn't do things that normal children could. They couldn't go outside. They couldn't meet with friends. As childhood is an important time for development of an individual, having to go into hiding prohibited such things that's important for childhood development.
Otto Frank waged a bet with Mrs. Van Pels regarding the allied invasion, and Otto lost. He thought the invasion would have arrived already, but it hasn't, and the group is still stuck in the Annex. England is in involvement with the war, and Anne argues that England isn't acting selflessly. With the rumor of anti-Semitism growing in Holland among those who oppose the Nazis, Anne can't help but wonder why the war is being waged at all. She scoffs at the idea of it being waged for truth, freedom, and justice, given that the sudden rise of anti-Semitism among the allies. Can the allies even be trusted? Anne loves Holland, and her only hope is that once the war is over, it won't reject her. Mr. Van Hoeven was imprisoned once, but now it's happened again. He was found to be hiding two Jews himself, and he was the man that Miep visited for food. Of course, Miep went to different places for food, so as not to seek suspicions. If a person goes to the same place for food everyday, buying what could be thought of as more than needed, it would no doubt perhaps raise some questions. Will the same thing happen to the allies? Are they all doomed to the Nazis in the end? "The world's been turned upside down," Anne says. "It's the most decent of people that are being sent off to concentration camps, while the lowest of low rule over the young and old, and the rich and poor." May was almost over, and Anne felt terrible both inside and out. She felt broken. She just felt disappointed in everything: in Peter, in the tension brought on by the confinement, the food shortages, the anti-Semitism, and the long delayed allied ivasion that was taking its toll on her psyche. "I marvel at the mood swings. One day everyone is laughing, and the next day, they're filled with terror at the outside news." Anne writes. And just recently, the terror has been on the arrest of Mr. Van Hoeven. Anne is grateful for their christian friends, who are, in a way, like their allies. "I assure you, Mr. Frank. We have not been infected by the current anti-Semitism. You can be rest assured of that." Says Miep. And it was true, for their helpers never once broke that rule. The Jews of the Secret Annex were hidden, and their helpers would make sure of that until the day that liberation finally comes. "Again, I find myself asking whether it would have been better if we hadn't gone into hiding? If we were all dead? I speculate that it would have saved Miep and the others a lot of trouble. But still, I dismiss this thought. Mother, Father, Margot, and I love life, and we keep hoping for everything. I hope that soon our anxiety will be put to an end, either through death or through the Allied liberation. Still, it's not like Miep and the others wouldn't get into trouble if they were found to be hiding us." It was now June, and again, another quarrel rang through the Annex, where Pfeffer happens to be disagreeing with the Franks over the division of butter, and the Van Pels are quibbling over baking a spice cake for Mr. Kuglar's birthday. It seems that it's easier for the adults to quarrel over simple things like butter than face the grim realities of the war that's still raging outside the Annex's walls. It's now that not only food is coming to a shortage, but money as well. It was the next day, June 6, also known as D-Day. The Allies have invaded, and the Annex is in an uproar of hope and cheer. Will they be liberated from the Nazis? They could only hope. Anne is filled with optimism, and the hope that, upon the arrival of the upcoming fall, Anne will once again be back in school, with a normal life. Only about a week later on June 12, 1944, it was Anne's 15th birthday. Perhaps the hope of the Allied invasion gives Anne's birthday a surplus of cheer and celebration. And just like in the past, Anne receives a number of loving gifts. It was on this day that Anne thought about her personality: why does everyone think she's arrogant? To Anne, she feels misunderstood, as she still hasn't found someone who will take her feelings seriously. She also feels that Peter only loves her like a friend. "It feels as if there's some mysterious force holding us back. I feel as if he's hiding his innermost self from me."
June 16: Tensions are rising, but that's not an unusual thing. Mrs. Van Pels is terrified that she'll be killed, as well as jealous that Peter is confiding in Anne. And it seems as if Pfeffer doesn't return her fleurtations in return. Although this is not a connection that Anne has made, it seems as if Auguste Van Pels struggles from the same insecurities that her son, Peter, seems to struggle with as well. It seems as if Mrs. Van Pels has her own inner turmoil that is surfacing. By the beginning of July, tensions have eased, as the Allies continue to cover more ground. Anne wonders about Peter's character. Why does he admit to being weak and yet not doing anything to change himself for the better? She's also worried that he's relying too heavily on her. Anne has to wonder if Peter's character will ever improve. Her thoughts on his character are both insightful and selfish. To weigh the options:
On one hand, Anne just wants to help her, but on the other hand, her likings to help, and to help change him, are so she can be more satisfied with Peter's companionship. But despite this. Anne's own devotion to the examination of her own character shows how she's matured. Anne proclaims that she has a good deal of self-knowledge, as she feels she can view herself objectively and access her strengths and weaknesses. Keeping in touch with her feelings of isolation, Anne has a feeling that it's particularly because of her feelings of alienation from her parents. Anne feels that father should treat her as an individual, rather than a generic teenager, which has made Anne come to the realization that her relationship with father isn't as close and intimate as once believed. "I've hid anything having to do with me from father… and deliberately alienated myself from him." Anne writes. The next person to Anne turned her thoughts to was Peter. She speculates that she became intimate with Peter before she realized she could truly confide in him, and as a result, Peter now clings to Anne, while she drifts away. In Anne's mind, life is far more difficult for the young, given that young people don't have a strong sense of who they are. As a result, Anne feels that life in the Annex has been harder on her, Margot, and Peter than it has been on the adults. "Ideals, dreams, and cherished hopes rise within us, and they can only be crushed by grim reality. In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." Anne writes. The optimism that Anne has, while appealing, can also be evidence of her youth and innocence, as unlike mother and father, Anne had not lived through two World Wars. On the 21 of July, Anne was filled with optimism and hope, simply because of the attempted assisination of Hitler… too bad he got away alive… On August 1, Anne wrote to Kitty like usual. She wrote about how she's split into two. "What does 'contradiction' mean?" She writes. The first side is the cheerful, chatty, and optimistic Anne Frank, while the second Anne is the "better and finer" side, as well as a "deeper, and more quiet one. The second Anne is only to appear when Anne is alone. The now 15 year old Anne Frank wonders if she might be able to live as the quiet and more finer Anne, away from the criticism of her friends and family. "I keep trying to find a way to become what I'd like to be… if only there were no other people in the world." This was an entry that would unknowingly become Anne Frank's final entry to her dearest and closest friend: Kitty… a friend that Anne never wanted, nor meant, to abandon.
August 4, 1944
It started as just a regular day. It was at about 11:00 in the morning, when an unknown man came in. Miep, who was busy working like usual, looked up to see the man pointing a revolver at her. "Sit down. Do not even flinch." He ordered. Miep went numb… the man then left, closing the door behind him. Mr. Kleiman and Bep sat in a group of three, while Mr. Kuglar was in the main office. Kleiman spoke first. "Miep," He said. "It's over…" The deed was done… the hiding place had been discovered… how? No one knew… but it was not a mystery anymore… and now the Gestapo were coming to collect their hidden friends… and shove them all off to concentration camps… the three sat there, not knowing what to do. Should they run up and inform their friends? Inform them that they're now all doomed? Well, what would be the point of that? It's not like telling them would help them escape it. Bep stood up from her seat… she was shaking and terrified. Miep just sat there, as she could do nothing to comfort her. Klieman went to Bep and gave her his wallet. "Here's my wallet." He said. "Go to the druggist on the Leila crock. Don't give it to him. Simply display it to show that you know me, as he's a friend of mine. Ring my wife, and tell her about what's happened here. And then, don't come back!" He said. Bep looked to Miep, she was beyond terrified. All Miep could manage to say was, "Get going, Ellie!" As 'Ellie' was Bep's nickname. Bep took off running, not returning, which alerted the others that there was no waiting sentry at the door. Klieman and Miep sat. "Miep," Klieman said. "There's still time; you can go." He said. Obviously, when he told Bep not to return, he didn't mean for all eternity, he only meant for perhaps the rest of the day or so, as she would not be taken away. "No." Miep replied. "I can't. I'm going with you." She replied. So the two sat there. A little while later, the door to the inner office opened, and stayed open. Someone called Klieman in. Behind the door, a man was speaking in German. To Miep, she noticed that he spoke with an accent. When Klieman returned, the gravity of the situation was clear. "Miep, see that you stay out of it. Salvage what you can here." Then, Klieman, along with Kulgar, were taken away and arrested. It was only Miep now. "Easier said than done." She thought. After Bep had done what Klieman told her to do, she wandered the streets, not knowing what to do. Only later that afternoon, or perhaps the next day, did she return to the office. Back at the office, the young man from before came back. Miep watched as he sat at Bep's desk, ringing for an extra van, as they had not expected to find so many Jews hiding out. Out in the hallway, the same officer was giving out orders, and Miep finally recognized the accent: it was a Viennese accent… Miep Gies was born in Vienna, which was a place in Austria. She came to the Netherlands when she was 11 years old, and since then, she's completely assimilated. When the officer came in, Miep stood straight up, which was something that Germans were accustomed to. "You're from Vienna?!" She said. "Me too!" She said it rather cheerfully. The officer just stood there, shocked. To him, he would have never thought he would meet a fellow Austrian. It was at this point that he closed the door… and rounded on Miep.
"Papers!" He commanded. Miep gave them to him-identity papers-it was all she could do, after all. The officer looked at the papers before he thrashed them against Miep's face. He then started to swear at her. "How dare you! Aren't you ashamed of helping jewish scum?! You're a traitor to your country! The crime demands the highest punishment! I think you know what that is." Miep didn't respond. What was the point of speaking to a person like that? Does he have no sense of how rude he was being?! He just paces around in front of her, swearing. Eventually, he seized Miep with a more mind gaze. "As far as I'm concerned, you can stay." He said. "But if you ever leave, we'll seize your husband." A while earlier, at about lunch time, Miep's husband, Jan, came, but before he could even open the door, Miep told him to clear off, as things had gone wrong. "Jan, it's gone wrong here! Clear off!" She said. Off he went. There was simply no reason to involve anyone else. The less people involved, the better! "You leave my husband out of this! He has no business in this. This is my affair!" She said. "Don't be so foolish. He's up to his neck in this." The officer replied. He then left, but told Miep that he would be back later to see if she was still there. Miep stood her ground, like the brave young woman she was, and stayed. Since she was obliged to stay at her desk, she was unsure about what was going on up in the Annex. But it wasn't long before she heard the footsteps of her now doomed friends, as they walked down the stairs. Miep didn't go to the window, as she was still obliged to stay in her seat. When was the last time she saw Anne? She believed it was at 9:00 that morning, as she usually went up to the annex in the morning to collect things such as her daily shopping list. It was Miep that delivered news from the outside world. When Miep would arrive upstairs, the annex members would be waiting in a line. They'd be waiting for whatever she might say, which filled Miep with dread. Only Anne would rush up and say, "Hello, Miep. Got any news?" Edith always hated that. That was one of the things that Edith Frank and Auguste Van Pels would quarrel over. Would Miep ever see her friends again? It was perhaps that same afternoon, or the next day when Miep, along with Bep, who had now returned, that they went up to the now unoccupied annex. The whole place was trashed, and on the floor were the scattered remains of Anne's diary. "That's Anne's diary. Gather it up." Said Miep. Bep just stood there, completely shocked. "Pick it up! Pick it up!" Miep ushered. The two picked up Anne's diary, preserving as much as they could of it as delicately as possible. Gathering it together, the two return downstairs. "What now, Bep?" Miep asked. "You're the oldest. You should keep it." Bep replied. With care, Miep stored the volumes of Anne's diary in her desk drawer, where they would remain until she were to see Anne once again. But would Anne truly ever return to reclaim her lost friend? At this, Miep could only hope.