I don't know when the pain invaded me, I just know that I tried to fight.
As much as I asked for help and gave all the signals, no one heard me. It was like yelling into space. I wanted to be strong and smile for those I loved, but I can no longer walk with them, I gave it my all. I guess at the end of the day it is my fault, I am easily disappointed, but it is not only because of that, it is also because I give all my love without asking a little of it in return.
Have you ever met a person who gives everything and never asks for anything? You know, one of those who do not stop loving until the end, no matter how hurt they are. One of those that protect when in reality they should be protected ... I do, I see her every day in front of the mirror.
Today I started the first row of stitches ... it was really difficult. The beginning of a scarf is started by tying knots; after all, the stitches on a scarf are just knots. That is why, in it, I am going to leave all my regrets tied, so, perhaps, when I leave, they will not be able to reach me.
Every time I knit, my tears like pearls fall on the thick wool.
Today I will say goodbye to my first person. This scarf, after all, just makes me live a little longer.
Mom ... I love you.
Although sometimes you are difficult, I still love you. You more than anyone always told me how beautiful I was. You more than anyone tried to get me to go outside and have a little sun, you more than anyone tried, but you failed, you wanted me to have a good life, and that one day, when you were wrinkled and your hair was dyed white, bring to your house two beautiful children to play and they will taste your desserts, while we will sit next to an old photo album to remember the past. I'm sorry I can't fulfill your wish.
All this is what I can tell you when I hug you from the back, while you are busy cooking and you simply ask me to let you cook.
When I'm not here, I only ask that ...
Sleep well.
Eat well.
Bundle up well please.
This is what you used to say to me as a child ... but now, over time you stopped saying it.
Goodbye.