A performance to express her emotions. Express her state of mind.
Stacey remembered what she had felt like yesterday, immersed underwater and drowning. But nobody had been willing or able to help her. They had expected her to just push through and do the things they expected of her. They had looked at her without truly seeing her. It felt like it was the story of her life all over again.
People watched her and reacted to her but their interactions did not reach her. She was sinking into watery depths with no help but nobody could clearly see or hear her. They didn't seem to hear or see any of her silent cries for help. There was an immense expanse of water in the way.
While she contemplated the imagery and the feeling of gradual despair, the sound of murmuring water in her ears turned into a melody. She'd play it in a low key. A key she could sing in for a good vocal warm up. She could go up keys later. She'd use this chord progression as the base. These notes for a riff. The modulation and shape of the song should undulate like flowing water, growing dark and heavy in parts. Overly bright and yet smudged in others.
She could use the piano pedals to create different effects. She'd have to be able to create all the effects herself. So she needed to keep things simple and yet not so simple that it was empty. Except for maybe... here.
The lyrics of a song rose to the forefront of her mind, merging together with the complete melody. With a piano in her mind, Stacey played, amended and replayed the new song. There wasn't much time to create a song. She could only do it in her head. This song would require a certain amount of energy for her to perform.
Performing was tiring. Any artist could tell you. It was mentally and physically draining. She would need a fair amount of energy to express this song cooking inside her and bring out its full potential. She had to calculate and check her energy reserves to see how much she had in her.
It probably wasn't much. She hadn't recovered enough yet.
Let's see. She had this much energy left. Enough to walk there and play a bit on the piano. There hadn't been enough rest to replenish her energy reserves within this small amount of time. She'd pretty much used her energy all up studying for those exams. That had eaten deep into her reserves. The sleep last night had done her good but it would be a close thing. Whatever. What would be would be. Before the performance, she needed to gather up all the energy left in her reserves and gather it all together. Prepare to let it out.
While she had no idea what anyone thought of what she felt must have been a spiritless performance of 'Incy Wincy Spider' considering she'd been so out of it yesterday, since she had a bit more energy to play with today, she would need to make up for it. She also had to brace herself for the possibility that she might still get a spanking at the end of tonight.
She wasn't sure she would have enough energy to deal with a spanking at the end of her performance. Just walking at the moment was dragging a begrudgingly large amount of energy out of her. That was energy she could have used for the performance. Too late. Gone now.
Without time to prepare or plan, the only place and way she could make the most use of her short amount of time was to internally prepare everything in her mind. It was another way to practice the piano and study. In her mind, time seemed to slow down. It should be enough. She should have enough time.
Down here in the dark. That was an apt phrase to express her mood and feelings. She could question her audience and the viewers. Question them and make them question also what they were seeing. Question whether they were drowning their idols - dolls and dollies, or whether they were supporting them and helping them emerge from the dark, murky water of the entertainment industry to be seen and heard as people rather than objects to be admired.
Most of all, personally, it was a cry from deep in Stacey's heart. It was her lonely heart crying out for someone to see her and just accept her for what she was without making demands on her. Without expectation. All she wanted was somewhere to belong. Not to be labelled or judged. To be free to express and to have her own opinion. Free to be herself - whatever or whoever that was. In which case, she wanted to be free to explore and learn who she was.
Her relatively recent almost total memory loss necessitated the need for her to embark on a journey of self-discovery. Explore the concept of self and build her own identity without people telling her who they wanted her to be and trying to mold her into what they thought she should be.
Would it be too deep for a relatively light hearted and intensely stressful competition like this? Stacey wasn't sure. Would they understand it? It might depend on her emotion and the way she emoted or carried parts.
Technicalities, acting and musicality. Stacey didn't think she was really good at any of these aspects, but when it came to creativity, Stacey felt pretty confident.