The familiar chiming of the triangle to indicate the start of a performance was like a spark. A small flash of light seen from underwater.
Ah. She was at the piano already. Excellent. She didn't know how she had gotten here but that didn't matter. It was time.
It started off in a minor key. The starting murmurs were like last night's, only this time Stacey added the murmuring sound effects of people talking herself in a sort of monotonous tune. Then she sang in that same low murmur.
"
'They say to be you,
you need dresses, makeup, long hair.
They say for you to be true,
You need eye contact, eye shadow.
Is it fair?
Is it true? Is it you?
'They say for girls to be girls,
should be bright, cute, bubbly, innocent.
For you to be woman
you need elegance, demure, soft voices.
Is it true? Is it you?'
"
The simple bass notes gradually became chords as Stacey began to fill in the gaps in sound and increase the dark intensity while maintaining the rhythm. She used her voice and her face, sometimes a hand to add expression or a gesture.
She changed her chord intervals and went up a key, singing in a slightly clearer voice, while looking around as if confused.
"
'I say, hey, I don't know
who I am or how I came to be here.
What am I doing in this place where people seem to have no fear?
I can't speak, don't comprehend,
what anyone is saying to me.
It's like I'm underwater.
Drowning in the dark.'
"
Stacey played a dark, watery interlude, making splinking and splashing sounds by adding in the occasional high notes. And then allowed the piano to quieten while she entered the chorus for the first time, emitting a lonely sound.
"
'Can anyone see me?
Can anyone hear me?
Does anyone know that all they're seeing is my shadow?
Up there the sun is bright
So brilliant, it's blinding
But I'm not there.
Don't judge me.
I'm sinking.
Drowning in the dark.'
"
An empty beat.
Then a jump into stormy chords with slight discordance due to all the seconds, sixths and sevenths that were being thrown in to give the song more of a bite. The sound became more frustrated and angry as she repeated the chorus with a strong cry.
Back into a verse with a variation of the tune and a slight change in rhythm. Back to being repressed, but still angry in emotion. On the verge of exploding.
"
'Expectations, all those words,
Always speaking at me demandingly.
Like a weight on my ankles,
They're weighing on me,
Pulling me down.
I say, hey, I can't breathe,
But nobody is listening,
While I'm here,
Can you hear?
"
'Underwater, my arms flailing,
But all you see is my reflection up there.
You laugh and you smile,
Not realising I need some help down here.
The light, it reflects, it refracts,
So you don't look deeper.
Who really cares
When I'm sinking in the dark.'
"
After a repeat of the chorus heavy with chords, Stacey pulled back the tempo and pace by singing slightly behind the beat. Her voice rose and fell, like undulating waves in the bridge of the song with a completely different rhythm and tune, singing it like a wailing cry.
"
'I don't care what you think of me
Because that's not who I really am.
All those labels can be cast away.
When you're stripped bare to your core,
Let's hear what you say.
What are you living for?
Why ask me for more
Just because you're sore?'
"
The final note soared into an uncomfortable near scream. The moment it reached its musical height, it cracked into a sobbing note. The rhythm of the sobbing reset the rhythm of the song.
Stacey rested her voice, her throat feeling a bit sore and uncomfortable after the cracked scream. A musical interlude continued the crying and sobbing music, momentarily changing its time signature, and then stilled back into the original watery murmur. Bursting back into the chorus, Stacey gradually pulled back her piano accompaniment. She dropped unnecessary chords to empty out the sound and slow the tempo down, so that by the time she repeated the chorus one last time, it was down to its bare musical bones.
She felt so dizzy and tired. It looked like she'd used up far more energy than she'd expected. But she couldn't stop now. She had to finish this song. Her head hung down in weariness.
Almost there. Almost there.
In the second half of the chorus, she half sang, half spoke the words in a fading voice without accompaniment, grasping the microphone in desperation to finish her performance. There was no way she was ever leaving a performance unfinished. The perfectionist in her wouldn't allow it.
Stacey felt herself starting to list to one side without the ability to correct her posture, her vision fading to black. She tried not to gasp for air and stay in control. The black started at the peripheries of her vision and then crowded in. She could feel the last dregs of her energy seeping away much faster than she wanted.
She managed to whisper the last two lines, changing them unwittingly, and casting an exhausted, almost pain filled grin into the camera sitting on the piano.
"Can you see me? Fading in the dark."