It was that look that kept me up that night as I tossed and turned in my bed. Questions plagued me as I finally gave up the hopes of sleep at 3am, and laid staring up in the darkness.
Why did he look so pained? So hurt? Why did he look like a man on the edge barely holding onto a thread of self-control? And why did I get the strangest feeling that I was somehow responsible for that look?
I thought back to the day I had come back to Seattle from Boston. Had he not wanted me to leave, I would have stayed and found out what the hell had happened that day.
But it was his family, his business. He had wanted me gone. And I was never going to be an un-invited guest poking my nose in his mess.
So why did he look at me like I had abandoned him?
These thoughts swirled in my mind as i made my way to work the next day. The day around me was bustling with office going crowd, but despite having walked the same road for years, I kept bumping into people.
After getting bumped the third time in my 15 minutes walk, I turned to the person who I had ran into this time with a scowl and snapped, "watch where you're going, you blind weirdo!"
"Rough night?"
I whirled around at the sound of Caleb's voice to see him standing 5 feet away from me, regarding me with a hint of amusement.
He looked dapper in one of his dark blazers and silk shirt with a thick overcoat to wardoff the Seattle weather at this time of the year. The only thing that resembled the Caleb from yesterday were deep purple, bruise-like dark circles.
"Not everyone can look like a fresh daisy in the morning."
We were 5 minutes away from the building with huge C and R, and it was nearly 9am, but Caleb looked like he was in no hurry to reach work as he stood leaning against a lamppost, a styrofoam takeaway cup in his hand.
"That was almost nice, Ms. Brooke. Your new boss has been teaching you manners too?" He replied with a smirk, but it looked too bitter to be genuine.
This Caleb looked so different than the one yesterday that I almost believed I had imagined that look on his face yesterday. But no, I hadn't. And the fact that he now looked anything but miserable, while I had tossed and turned the night away remembering - worrying - about him, ticked me off.
"Don't make me kill you at such an early hour, Caleb. Its not civilized, and I have standards."
"Standards? Excuse me, but that's a bit hard to believe considering the company you've been keeping past few weeks."
Oh, the nerve. "Pardon me, but I don't happen to have a voting right on who should be my boss."
"Yet." His curt reply made me frown. What did he mean? Why was he here now? Why wasn't he here past few days?
All these questions made me snap, "do you think this debate competition can wait? I'm getting late for work, and since my last name isn't a Cross, I kinda need to be there on time."
His brows went up in surprise and now that was definitely amusement that now danced in his eyes now.
"Would you look at that. Seems like someone hasn't had that morning caffeine dose yet."
No, I hadn't, but before I could respond, he pushed himself away from the lamppost and walked up to where I stood in the center of chaotic sidewalk.
He tossed his cup in the trashcan on the way, and then caught hold of my hand, pressing something warm into it. I didn't need to look down to know that it was a another styrofoam takeaway cup, similar to the one that he had just tossed away.
And just like that, I was right back to where I was 3 weeks ago. All my irritation, worry, uncertainty vanished as I looked up into his dark eyes and found him looking down at me with same intensity.
Instead of bustling Seattle walkway, we might as well be snuggled next to each other at bonfire, or pressed up close in an elevator, or in an office cabin as the air seemed to cackle with static everytime he was this close to me.
His eyes moved as he took in my face, as if reacquainting himself to each and every detail. I felt myself slipping into a trance that was only ever created when Caleb stood so close to me. But his next words snapped me out of that trance.
"You need to leave, Ruth. Accept that transfer offer, be a software engineer instead of mere secretary."
I frowned, and stepped away from him, bumping someone behind me but not caring a bit.
"You want me gone?"
"No, I want you to be away from all this."
"Away from all this? Or away from him?"
My words surprised both of us as Caleb's eyes widened a fraction. Even though I had not been consciously been thinking that, it seemed like my subconscious was already dissecting the clues. And looking at Caleb right now, I knew I had hit this point on the nose.
"Unbelievable. You leave for 2 weeks without a word, leaving everything - including me - behind, and then you come back demanding me to transfer into another department because you need to win a pissing contest with your brother in-law?"
I start to turn away, but he caught hold of my upper arm, spinning me back to face him.
"I was the one who left you behind? Really? Was I the one who took off, literally, at the first sight of trouble? No, Ruth. That was all you."
"You wanted me gone, Caleb! You asked me to leave. Don't pretend to be a victim here."
"I'm not pretending to be a victim. I'm trying to not let you be one. You don't know Tristan like I do, Ruth. You don't see how manipulative leech he is."
"You know what? Right now, I have absolutely no idea who is a leech and who isn't, Caleb. All I know is you don't get to be my knight in shining armour. I'm a big girl, and can take care of myself."
I shook his hand off, and turned away from him, "now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be. My boss doesn't like to be kept waiting."
With that, I walked away, tossing the coffee cup that Caleb had given my in the trash can as I passed it.