Ramblings From A Nut

(Fall 2015)

You always saw me. You noticed. Of all the people in the world and I was chosen!? Have you ever wondered why you were so blessed and questioned the hell out of it? Like, when will the awesomeness end? hmm..? 

I, like most, come from some sort of disfunctional family with a bunch of crazy stories that would make you bless the life you've got. Well, in a cruel world where I thought everything sucked, everything was meaningless, nothing mattered, I could care less about anything because "screw it," attitude. It hurt to be so angry all the time and I hated it, but most of all, I hated myself.  

Although, in my pitiful self loathing, I had a crush.  Putting my heart into something I can only fantasize about. The untouchable, the distant yearning for that one person you wish could be there, but has no idea you even exist. "The crushing." Having feelings for someone you know damn well doesn't know you or even worse, they're dating someone you kind of know. 

~Fast forward 2 years~ (Fall 2017)

After all this time of not seeing you. Questioning if you ever had feelings for me. Did you know me? Did you like me at all? Did you only talk to me because we had the same friends at the time? You gave me mixed feelings! You held my hand a couple of times for no reason, but i saw you kiss and flirt with someone else, I was conflicted from all the mixed feelings. 

~Fast forward a few months~ (Spring 2018)

Walking down the hall of our college campus after my Biology class had finished. I stumbled out of the door fumbling with my phone trying to answer a text from Sahra. All of a sudden, an urge to look up from the feeling of being watched hit me. I did a double-take around me and  saw a couple of class mates walking around and talking. Then, from within the crowd of people hording through the hallway, our eyes met as you were coming my way. 

"Oh no! What's he doing here? God, he looks so cute! Shit, Shit, he sees me! Nooo! Oh wait, what-?" I thought.

He smiles while walking towards me with his arms opening for a hug, which,  I can't resist.