I wake up to another day full of promises, hopes and dreams. Fog settles on the window panes and the birds chirp to give a morning call reminding me of those days when I was 6 and would sleep in daddy's lap listening to his stories of the days spent at the regiment camp, filled with patriotism, heroic deeds and a little fun, only to wake up the next morning to paint my canvas with new dreams.
It is winter and the chilled atmosphere makes me cuddle to myself and sleep a little more. I see my mom coming towards me and put another layer of blanket just so that I can enjoy the warmth and create a new world in my dreams. Somehow I cant get back to sleep again. So I just bury my head into the pillow, procrastinating to wake up and help her with the daily chores. She moves towards the kitchen and sets all the utensils right. Knowing I am just lazing in the bed and not sleepy anymore, she starts preparing coffee. After all she is my mom and she knows the aroma of it would have me linger in the kitchen soon. "Anytime, anything, anywhere, she knows the best thing to be done", I thought to myself.
As I make my way towards the hall, I see everything dark. Lights turned off and doors closed. Each wall shining periodically with birthday greetings written on it. My mom comes from behind and hugs me tight. "Happy birthday Ema!" she squeals out loud. I am left astonished. How could she do all this alone without dad being around us for the past one year? I miss him so much. I pray God he comes back home soon. I hug her back and she gives a peck on my cheek.
"Ema, tonight we'll have your friends amongst us to celebrate and the best is in store for you. God bless you, darling", she says and walks towards her room.
I switch on the lights and see the hall beautifully decorated with everything in my favorite color. Balloons everywhere and lots of greeting cards and gifts. My gaze turns towards the gift wrapped box that lay on the chair. I run and open it with a sense of excitement. As I unwrap, I find a series of letters. I set myself comfortable on the couch and begin to read it.
"Dearest Ema,
Happiest birthday to you. May you have amazing years ahead and God bless you with every happiness in this world.
I'm sure you look as pretty as your mom does and though you turn 13 you'll always remain my li'l girl.
I know Ema, you must be really angry at me for not being with you at your birthday. But trust me, there hasn't been a single day when I haven't thought of you both. I'm really sorry darling.
On this special day, I'd like you to know a few things that remain the most special words said to me by the most beautiful women on earth, your mom!
I have been serving the Indian army for the past 5 years. But the mission that I got a year back was one of the toughest I have ever been to. The night before we started for the mission, I called your mom and couldn't fathom how to tell her that this might be the last time we both will be talking to each other, this might be the last time she'll listen to my voice and me, hers, this might be the last time that I'll feel her embrace through her words and this might be the last time we could listen to each others heart beat. I couldn't fathom how to tell her all these. But she could understand every pulse of mine, she could understand every emotion behind this heart that is strong enough to serve the nation but is melted at the very thought of moving away from her. That night I just held the phone thinking how I would tell her all these and when she picked up the call, she spoke to me not just words, but words that carry meaning and each word gave me strength to build up myself, emotionally and mentally.
She said, " When there's enemy on the other side of your battleground and you fight with all your prowess and strength, remember, " There's just one moment between life and death and you never know when it will come." Life gives us infinite moments before that one moment and we have to live it to the fullest. And you know you've lived life that way. So hold no regrets, no pain and no fear. Because all of those moment's are captured for ever in our hearts. All the memories that we shared will always remain. And this love will remain always and forever. So fight your battle and fight until you win. Don't worry about that moment between life and death. Just fight to the best of your ability so you will get a thousand more memories to make. Your spirit is all the ammunition you need."
The words uttered by your mom left me speechless and beguiled at the same time. Tears welled up in our eyes. We soon held up the call.
My heart was heavy with emotions. Only women can muster so much courage to hide a thousand tears and remain strong.
And someday when I won't return back and your mom wakes up to another day full of promises and hope, when her eyes will yearn to see me, when she will crave for the gap between her fingers to be filled by mine, tell her that I'm still there. Tell her that this heart will continue to beat in hers even if I'm gone. Give her this diary and this pen and ask her to wield it into her sword. Ask her to weave every emotion that she feels into a handicraft of beautifully woven words. Ask her to do what she does the best. "To write". Until all the pain drips in those ink drops. Until she finds the gem that she is. Because someone once told, " There's no better way to relive the old times than to write them down yourself."
Ema, I cannot decipher how much you both mean to me. Hopefully, I'll be back home soon. Take care of your mom and yourself.
Loads of love,
Daddy.
My eyes become moist and tears started flowing. I would surely want to be like her. I immediately go to her room and hug her.
As I leave the room, she cries silently.
" Living away from your loved ones is the hardest thing till date and not being able to hear from them often, adds more to the pain.
Still days and months pass, knowing we can't spend enough time together, I hope for that day to come soon, when he will come back to us forever so that I don't have to constantly fear and be brave at the same time. So that I don't have to hide my pain behind that smile.
So that this hope of one day the sun meeting the horizon will turn into reality.
And I pray no one deprives me of this "Hope" because that's the only thing I have right now.