Staring into space while music is blaring inside this almost empty room, I surrender myself to the never-ending
intrusive thoughts.
I haven't had much luck with love my whole life. it usually ends up with me in tears and helplessly begging for them to stay. I mean I'm not THAT attractive, but I somehow always get into THE most toxic relationships anyone can imagine.
"~Gender roles impose control
And deceive progressive times
Welcome, to the land of the broken mind~"
Let me take you back. First, we got Augustus Smith, he was my first boyfriend. I and my friends named him The Commander. He was the domineering, possessive, and controlling type. And my naive mind thought that it was hot and fell for his ways. We had a pretty steady relationship....for the first month that is. Not long after we got together, I could see and feel him slowly taking over my life.
" Whatever I say goes. So, if you still want to be my girlfriend you do everything I say. "
" You're getting a little fat, maybe you should stop eating. Here, have this energy bar instead. "
" Is that what you're wearing? Were going out with MY friends, are you trying to embarrass me? You know what, just don't go. "
We lasted about a month. He dumped me saying he found someone better. I remember myself kneeling on the ground, crying buckets, trying to reason that I do everything he bids. But he just walks away.
Sighing at the memories, I reach for my coffee-filled mug. As I take a sip, warmth fills my body. I close my eyes and reminisce about my second love.
"~Hush girl, oh hush girl
Just bat your eyes
Play our little game~"
Christian Jones. Contrary to his name, he is the most devious boy I ever dated. Very flirtatious and an all-around Casanova. We met at a coffee shop, He approached me and started to sweet talk his way into my heart. A few weeks of trying and he has my heart in his hands. I thought that I was playing the game of love but I realized that I was the one getting played.
" I love you so much, Ii don't know what I would do without you. I will never leave your side, even if I die."
" It's not what it looks like! Please! Listen to me! It was a mistake! You're the one I love, I promise it won't happen again."
" Just give me one more chance, I promise I will change, You ARE the one I love. Trust me. Please."
It looked like that empty promises and a broken heart were the only things I got from that relationship. And I can"t believe I was stupid enough to fall for his stupid game. After four months I found myself breaking up with him, tears falling from my eyes as I watched him walk away.
I have been in so many toxic relationships that I think I built up a tolerance to it. But nothing can compare to my last and most recent relationship. Walking towards the corner of the room, I pick up my favorite toy. It was something that reminded me of HIM. To be frank, I might be thankful that he made me like this if it weren't for him I wouldn't have found my life's joy. Sitting back down, I tap it against my palm. Enjoying the slight sting it gave, reminding me of the time when the pain was the thing I felt. I chuckle at the fresh memory.
"~We feign opulence, Just to get by
Put on false confidence, Just to feel alive~"
Years pass and I've been in and out of relationships, most of them not even lasting five months. I was about to give up on love, thinking that my heart can't take any more pain. I became depressed and detached myself from everyone else. Then I found myself falling once again. He was perfect. Respectful, confident, smart, hot, charming, everything you can ask for in a perfect man all in one. The guy who every girl lusts for, Jasper Reed, became mine. I thought he was the one, the one who will complete me and bring color back to my life, little did I know he would do the exact opposite.
" You would do everything for me, right? That's why I love you. "
" Why can't you be more fucking useful for once! COME HERE!"
" You love me right? Then do it."
Waking up in the hospital is the last I place I want to be in. Asking god why I'm even alive. Wanting nothing more but death, I spent my day and nights crying, thinking why I am still alive. Then one night it hit me like a truck. HAHAHAHAHA why didn't I think of that? Stupid me. Filled with determination, heart burning with a new desire, I spent the next month recovering and making myself stronger, fueled by anger and a hunger for vengeance, I vow that someday THEY will be the one on their knees. They WILL beg.
Staring at the quivering boy before me, I tap my bat against the floor contemplating my next move. Resting my head on the palm of my hand while humming to the song.
"~They can't hurt me anymore
There's nothing left to break of me~"
I walk closer to him and take off his gag.
" Look at you, so weak, so helpless," I say as I caressed his cheek, followed by a harsh back to backslap. Hitting him in his crown jewels, and abdomen then to his precious face with my bat lined with thumbtacks until he begs me to stop.
"AAARRGHH!!! ARRRGHH!! S-STOP! P-PLEASE S-STOP! I'm SORRY!!!
"Stop? Did you stop when I told you before? Stop? Oh baby we're just starting."
I beat him nonstop for 10 minutes straight, torture him, made him scream in pain. By the end of our little session, he was hardly breathing and on the verge of passing out. I stood in front of him, observing his now almost unrecognizable face, body covered in bruises, dripping with sweat and blood pooling underneath his barely alive body. I laugh to myself, Pathetic I say.
"Please. I'm Sorry. Let me go, Please."
" How does it feel huh? Look at how the tables have turned. HAHAHAHAHA."
l laugh manically. Undoing his binding, I let him fall to the floor as his legs give out, most likely broken from my hits.
"T-Thank Y-You" lifelessly he says.
I step on his head and say.
"Don't thank me, sweetheart. Did you really think I would let you go that easily? after what you've done to me? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Didn't you say you'd be with me till you die?"
I feel him quiver, I think he knows where this is going. I smirk as he screams for mercy, ignoring his pleas I raise my bat once more.
"PLEASE NO! I'm SORRY PLEASE!! FORGIVE ME!! PLEASE LET ME GO!! I'm SORRY!!"
" It was fun while it lasted"
WHAM!! WHAM!! WHAM!!
I continuously bash his head with all my might.
"AAAARRGGGHHHHAAA"
WHAM!! WHAM!! WHAM!!
Blood gushing out of his head, spraying everywhere, covering my hands and clothes, splashing onto my face.
WHAM!!
With one final blow, another roach exterminated from this world. Slightly heaving, take a deep breath to calm me. letting the bat drop to the floor, I made way to the sink at the side of the room. Washing my hands and face, trying to get as much of the blood off. As I wipe my hands my eyes focus on my reflection in the mirror. Eyes as cold as ice, hair as black as ebony, skin pale as paper. In the corner of my eye, see the reflection of my ex-boyfriend's lifeless body. Looking back at my reflection, I smirk. The old Morana Addams is gone. Funny thing is that Morana actually means death, and look at what I have done. I chuckle while I walk back to the table grabbing my mug, I look back at the corpse I deciding to clean it tomorrow as I am tired from my "activities." Walking back upstairs from my basement on a good mood, I play my favorite song
"~Don't you think it's funny how we're all delinquent kids. Like hush now
Don't say, Don't say~"
I make my way to my room while humming to the beat of the song
"~There's nothing left to take from me~"
Grabbing my diary and a red pen off of my desk, I made my way to my bed, opening my diary and flipping through the pager until I land on the right one and I put a red cross on
Christian
Augustus Smith ❌
John Grey ❌
Caleb Alvey ❌
Christian Jones ❌
Oliver James
Michael David
James Renold
Jasper Reed
"~Cause baby it's easy to fake a smile
When you've been doing it for a while~"
I sigh in content. Closing my eyes as I replay the night events in my head, I chuckle. Finally, I can have my revenge. I WILL have my justice, I will be the one walking away. Vengeance is expensive but luckily I am will to pay the price. I reopen my notebook and start plotting my next move. nodding my head to the beat of the song.
"~Play our little game
Play our little game
Play our little game
Won't you play with me?~"