Dear Diary,
WTF. Why am I even doing this?
Because Ki said keeping a journal would make sense of the important things in life. Ki smiles like an idiot but he was the only fight dog who had his own iPad, presented his own branding strategies, and chose his own press covers. Well, it earned him top dog position and his Master was happy enough to indulged him this way.
I'm just pretending to write a diary. I didn't even have paper or a pen, much less an iPad. But for the first time in my life, something important popped up, right here, in a vampire holding cell.
I'm that F-up.
But she appeared at the window of my door. I thought I was dreaming except I was sure I hadn't gone to bed yet. I was still working out, venting some of the pent up frustrations being enclosed in this cell for a bit now.
I walked over to the door, barely able to believe what my eyes told me.
It was her. I watched her face as she looked at something on my door. The way her lips pressed downwards, the way her expression was so deep in thought, so serious, that...
I felt a growl. She's cute.
But WTH was she doing here? WTH.
She shouldn't be here.
Even though I was happy like F to see her. My wolf was shamelessly overjoyed, really.
Still, I didn't want her to see me. Kept in cage like an animal. A man had his pride, even though my wolf certainly lost it at the sight of her at my window.
What the F was she doing here?
I'm not even sure why the F I'm in here. It's not my usual cell. Did I go too far with the last guy? Was this punishment? WTH.
Suddenly her eyes widened, she had seen me. She stumbled backwards, her mouth opened in shock. F. She was cute.
I'm F up.
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. Was she crying?
Then she seemed recognize me and came forward.
"Are you hurt, Princess?" I asked urgently. A hundred terrible things went through my mind. She shouldn't be here.
Yet she was. Just standing there, staring innocently at me from behind the door. Goddess, she was stupid! Why was my mate so F-ing cute? I mean stupid!
Man, I'm F.
F.F.F.
I said the above line out loud quite loudly. I even shouted it.
She continued staring at me unmoved, proving my suspicion that the cells were sound proof.
As if to confirm it, she touched her ear and shook her head. I concluded that the soundproofing worked both ways and she couldn't hear me either.
"Stooopid." She mouthed at me.
I stared, somewhat stunned at my princess... Did she just call me stupid? Yes, I'm sure she did. What shocked me more was that instead of taking offence or flying into rage at the disrespect, my wolf made a chuffing sound. Was that laughter? I had NEVER heard my wolf laugh before. Did he think this was funny? Or worse, cute?
F my wolf.
Just F me.
This could be just the mating bond talking, because it was certainly out of character for me to say it, but I didn't think it should be legal to allow any girl to be so cute.
I had thought it would be better if I never saw her again. The way my life had been going wasn't fit for a princess, but here she was, unfortunately in a vampire coven. WTH was she doing here?
She was pressing a piece of paper on the glass pane. I took a look, and then another. Dammit. They were going to ship me. Dammit. I hated the Wolfbane shots.
But the numbers...could they be what I thought they were?
The Princess was trying to open the door to my cell. As if it wouldn't be locked! It's a fight dog holding cell, Princess. Wasn't it obvious it would be locked?
And the numbers, weren't they right there in your hands, baby?
I tried to sign the numbers to her with one hand. Didn't she read the note herself?
She stared back at me blankly. Goddess help me!
I tried to sign the numbers again, but to no avail. Grrrr! I walked away from the door where the object of my frustration was. She was frustrating in more ways than one.
I turned away from the door. Okay, focus.
When I turned back, she was just gawking. Did she think I was an animal in the zoo?
No, I won't let her get to me. I needed her to unlock the door. I tried again, this time with both hands, signaling the numbers slowly as if to a preschool pup.
She understood! Thank goddess. The door swung open and I had to grab the heavy door before it shut and locked us both in, "Why are you so stupid?"
She pouted. Damn F-ing cute.
WTH was wrong with me? I needed to keep my head in the game.
I plucked the piece of paper out of her hand. I've already memorized it the first time I saw it, but WTH. I needed to concentrate on something that wasn't the incredibly cute girl in the enclosed cell with me.
Stuffing a plastic bottle of water to hold the door ajar, I kept my eyes on the note. I'd never had a wet dream before, and I wasn't going to start now.
F, why was I even thinking that?
But she was a dream... I mean, she had no scent like in my previous dream of her. I felt quite sure she was dream travelling. Of all the amazing powers my mate had. My wolf puffed up with pride.
But it was a relief to me that she was at least bodily safe at home, far away from this F-ing mess of my life.
"Nice crib." She said.
I answered something without thinking. I was distracted, way more than I should be at the way she was exploring my cell. MY CELL.
Normally, if you put two wolves in a space this enclosed, chances were one of them would be dead in the morning.
This was MY CELL, my Alpha Wolf was territorial like that.
{Mine.} Wolf told me. But he wasn't referring to the cell, he was referring to the princess.
My princess, in my cell...
"What's this?" Princess poked at my food bowl, "They feed you dog food?"
"It's not much different." I growled. She was a princess. Well, I don't know how I knew, maybe it was the graceful way she walked, or the openness and innocence in her expression, but from the first time I met her, I knew she was different from the other girls I've known.
I was a fight dog. A cursed one at that. I threw the balled up piece of paper against the wall.
I had always been wild. Ki and I used to do some crazy stunts back then when we were still home with our pack. I mean, what else did two rich powerful male healing wolves have to do besides testing our limits? We were young, we were invincible, and were F-ing dumb.
And now we were both fight dogs. I thought Ki was dead, so I hadn't expected to see him here.
"Aren't you supposed to be in hell?" I asked him the first time we met again. His cell was just next to mine.
"It's kinda like hell." Ki said.
Ki taught me how to survive here. How to fight. How to F. How to not let the vamps go too far.
"You can let them in anywhere as long as it's not your head." Ki told me.
Right.
A long time ago, when I was still in high school, a particular gossip reached my Aunt Amber's ears. She had told me, "One day, you would meet the right girl, and when you do, it would make you regret all the foolish games you played."
Yeah. She was right.
I regretted.
I thought I didn't have a mate. The curse said I would not have a Luna.
Did that mean one of us must die?
I looked at the blue haired girl... she was busy trying to salvage the crumpled ball of paper. What did it matter? It was just a piece of paper.
"Where are they shipping me off to?" The question left my lips before I could stop myself.
Maybe I really went too far the other night, and this would be my last stop on this earth. At least the dead one would be me.
I looked at my beautiful princess. I regretted, not just the foolish games of my youth, but everything else too.
"I think you're scheduled for a cage fight tour that would end you up in the Central Covens." My princess informed me, completely oblivious to my inner emo.
"How did you know that?" I asked a little annoyed at the way she sounded so carefree, "Why are you even here?"
The more I thought of it, the more upset I felt.
She took out something from her pocket and showed it to me.
"Who the hell is Marcus?" I pretty much exploded.
Why the hell was MY PRINCESS carrying another man's name around in her pocket? If she tried to reject me for this Marcus guy, I will surely kill him with my bare hands.
"My friend from school." Princess shrugged it off.
Boyfriend?
"Did he give you this information?" I asked instead. But I was pissed like hell.
"No, I got it from another friend." She said, unfolding what looked like a sheet of paper cut out from a magazine.
It was a poster of me, the picture was from the last fight.
There were the dates and covens I was supposed to fight at. I memorized it.
"Are you okay?"
I ignored her pretty concern, "Where did you get this?"
Last I checked, the age limit for this kind of publications was 21 and above. Plus it was only sold on Vampire occupied lands.
"I told you, my friend." She answered, then she got distracted, wandering off to my food bowl.
"Where.did.you.get.this.princess?" I wasn't about to let it go. Who knew where this girl had been?
My princess sulked, it was more like a pout... And the expression of her consternation was you know...cute. She was just so F-ing cute.
"Uh huh. A vampire. She's a girl in my class."
She had to be lying.
How could something so cute and innocent lie so well? Normally, I would know immediately if I was being lied to. I was an Alpha wolf after all, my wolf had the instincts to know.
{You're upsetting her.} My wolf scolded.
I sighed, but the next moment, my princess seemed to have recovered. She plopped herself down on my mat and ate from my bowl.
I made a face. My princess shouldn't be on a mat in a jail cell poking at a bowl of dog food. F it all.
"Tastes like meat flavored cereal." She told me.
"Don't eat that!"
She responded by pocketing some.
"It's got steroids in it and goddess knows what else they put." I kicked the bowl to the other side of the room. The bowl flipped and it's contents rolled over the floor of the cell like marbles.
"I see, it's specially formulated for you?" She asked.
I growled, "I don't eat it. I am fed cooked meals three times daily."
Wait, how could I let myself get sidetracked so easily?
I steered the conversation back to the issue at hand, "Didn't I tell you to just wait for me? Why are you going around doing dangerous things?"
Proof being the damn magazine sheet in my hand. What the hell did she had to do to get this?
"I didn't do anything dangerous. My classmate gave it to me." She insisted.
"You expect me to believe that a vampire attends school in the Green Packlands and simply gave this to you?" I hated lies. Especially ones that I my wolf couldn't detect, that annoyed me even more. Especially since they were coming out of my cute princess' soft mouth.
Oh WTH was wrong with me? She's a minor. F.
"No, I go to school at Winderhill, and I have a vampire friend, she gave it to me." she insisted. Yeah, right.
"There is no such thing as a vampire friend. Vampires are all cold blooded and sick in the head." I snarled back.
Why the hell was my Princess in that kind of school?
"Maybe the ones you meet are." She snarled back, "but my friend isn't like that. She even drinks her blood from lab produced bags."
"I told you to just stay at home and wait for me." Why couldn't she obey me?
Why did she even exist in the first place? Why curse me never to have a Luna and then let me meet her? Was the goddess showing me what I could never have? That's cruel, putting this beautiful princess here, right in front of me, just to show me that I could never have her, that I would never be able to be good enough for her?
"What's your problem?" She yelled at me. And at that moment I snapped.
"My problem is that there is a fucking prophecy looming over my head condemning me to end my family line and be at enmity with my own parents and pack."
"My problem is I have a pretty little princess mate who keeps popping up in my dreams when I want to be left alone."
"My problem is that there is no future, not for me, not for us, so just stay the hell away from me."
I was shouting, my breath heaving, my arms gesturing aggressively, but she only looked at me, for the moment her blue, blue, eyes the color of crayons, wetting with tears "You never meant to come back for me, did you?"
F.
F it all.
My wolf growled protectively over her. {Mate is hurting.}
Shut up. I told my wolf as I punched the wall. My knuckles busted on the reinforced steel with a crunching sound. F.
"I was at home waiting." She whispered through her tears. I didn't turn to look. I could not watch her cry.
"I wasn't purposely looking for you. I was helping Alpha James and Luna Edith find their lost son. I only realized today that you were the same person."
My old man and Mother? What had they got to do with this? I tried to steady my breathing.
"Your parents, they want you home safe. Even if you bring an army against them, they have been worrying about you. Luna Edith's eyes won't stay dry."
Her voice was like the goddess herself speaking. Soothing the raw parts of my heart.
I let my head fall forward against the wall. I could smell the metal and paint and disinfect, blood, and tears.
"I know about the prophecy, but I'm not going to let it take you away. I will be alpha soon. And even if you can't take a Luna, I can."
She paused then. Part of me feared she would disappear and I would never see her again.
"Who are you and why do you care?" I spoke to the wall. The thought of her disappearing forever...
I was crying. Oh goddess.
I had not cried since I was a young pup.
"You're right. It was none of my business... I... I just...When I saw your parents' tears, I couldn't leave them alone." She told me finally.
"My old man?" I laughed bitterly at the memory, "He has no tears."
"Your dad is looking for you." My princess insisted, "We were discussing plans to rescue you just yesterday."
I had never met her before in my life. She was so beautiful, I would surely remembered if we had met. Yet how was it that she was close enough to my parents, to discuss anything let alone see their tears?
"How do you know this?" I asked.
"You're fighting against the wrong people." She said, her voice so soft and gentle, it was like a light in a dark place, "You are called Rebel, but can't you choose what to rebel against? Why does the prophecy have to control you?"
"Do you think it's so easy to break my curse, princess?"
What did she think I had been trying to do all this while?
And then she said, "I'm working at it. I told you, I will be Alpha. You will be my Luna. We'll work the rest out as we come to it."
She looked me straight in the eye, "I don't think it's so easy. I work hard at it every single day. I was still working when I fell asleep. It's hard. Everyday is hard."
I should be the one working at it, those were supposed to be my lines. I was the man, F it. I was the Alpha.
Aloud I said, "I'd rather die than be a Luna."
I moved over now, and knelt down next to her. I barely dared to touch her in case she disappeared, so very gently, I wiped off the tears on her face with the back of my index finger, "Don't cry princess. Don't cry and don't do anything stupid. Just wait for me."
I knew what I must do now.
"Don't lie." She growled back.
"I promise." I said. I put my hand on her head. She was so cute.
"I'll come back for you." I said... How could I not? Now that I had met you, Princess? For a chance to be with you... What wouldn't I do? Can't you see, from the moment I met you, my F up life was going to be F up all over again?
"And tell my parents not to bother. I don't need their help."
I got into this mess. I will get myself out.
And because really, a male Luna would be the joke of a century, I told her, "I'm not going to be a Luna. I'm the alpha."
"Maybe we can both be alphas?" She asked hopefully.
"Don't be stupid. Just wait for me, I'll take care of everything." Why can't my princess just obediently nod at everything I say?
"Oh right, like now you want to take care of everything?" She grumbled.
"Well now I have a reason to fight." I used the back of my index finger to wipe another stray tear from her cheek.
"Stupid." Then she covered her mouth with both hands.
I was never into the cute type before, but F, she was really too cute. Being this close to her was... difficult to think.
"There is going to be a war in our packland." She told me, changing the topic suddenly. Somehow my princess seemed to freely flip from one train of thought to another whenever she pleased. It was as if she was used to everything going along with her pace.
"Maybe you can go bring your army back and help us." She suggested, "Turn the prophecy around on its head."
"Why not?" I shrugged, "It's about time I get pay back..."and then I realized, "How do you know about the army?"
This girl! She was looking down studying the hem of her t-shirt. I watched her finger it and had to advert my gaze.
"Princess..." I growled my warning. She was messing with me - on one hand speaking of things I was sure should not be within her grasp, and on the other, driving me mad with...
"I think the goddess accidentally showed me your dream." she admitted, "I saw the army... They even had your emblem painted on the banners..."
"That's not my emblem, it's a damned marketing gimmick!" I growled.
"Well, if the vamps paid to make that for you, no need to look the gift horse in the mouth." She argued.
And then she said, again with the voice like a soothing balm to my wretched soul, "We don't have to fight every tide. Sometimes they can give us a free ride."
"It's when you say these things that I worry someone will have an easy time kidnapping you." I half joked. The other half of me was serious, my princess seemed exactly like the kind of girl who was that clueless about other people's evil intentions.
But she was my princess, mine to love and mine to protect. I remembered my Aunt Amber's words, "I'm told the goddess doesn't make mistakes."
"Well, then she's got a lot of explaining to do." My princess quipped.
I laughed then. True.
Damn she was cute.
"So princess..." I flipped the piece of magazine paper front to back to front again, "What do I do about this?"
"If you can't fight it, ride it!" She was grinning.
"Yeah? So I should ride this out?" Yeah, I probably could.
"I don't know, I was talking about me." She answered, "That's how I'm going to deal with you."
I took one look at the sight of the blue hair spilling over her shoulder and pooling around her butt on my sleeping mat and blinked. A low growl begin in my chest but of course I immediately stopped it.
F.
"What am I going to do with you, Princess?"
I don't think I can live without her, but I'm not sure how I was going to live with her either.
Yeah, maybe staying and riding it out would be for the best. Keep some distance between us. She was still a minor... Some distance might help with my sanity.
Ki might be able to help me here. If we could find the curse ring and break the curse... I had never believed in happily ever afters, but tonight, for the first time in a long while, I hoped.
And that was the important thing that happened today.