*15 years in the past*
~7 years of age~
- when everything turned to shit -
*sigh* I look at my paper that I just got back from my teacher. I got a F again... geez, mommy's and daddy's gonna be so upset again... I put the paper in my backpack and left the coat closet. As I was heading to the door I smelled something that made me sick to my tummy and caused a horrible feeling. 'Why do I feel this way?' I ran from the room and down the hall. 'This smell is everywhere! What is this??' I finally saw the door and as soon as I got outside I felt better. 'What was that?! I hope everyone's ok.' I looked back at my school and once I made sure I couldn't see anything wrong I started the small trek home.
*10 mins later*
I finally got home and went and unlocked the door. I could hear mom and dad singing, probably practicing for their next show.. I head to the kitchen to get fruit snacks and a bottle of water when I hear the door open again. I look over and I see my twin brother, Luke, walk in but drop my snack when I see him fully. He's covered in blood and ash! I start crying and yelling for mommy and daddy! 'What's wrong with bubby!?' I heard the singing stop and my parents' feet on the stairs. As soon as they got to the bottom they looked at my brother and gasped. They ran to him while I stood there my 7 year old mind to overwhelmed at the sight of my brother. When they realized the blood belonged to him they ran looking for keys and coats before swiftly heading to the door. "Mommy" I called not getting a reaction out of either as they ran out the house effectively forget my little form in the foyer...
*couple hours later*
I head back to the kitchen knowing that mommy and daddy won't be home soon. I flick on the light with the help of a chair and head straight for the pantry hoping to find some pop tarts or some cereal. I finally find it but it's on a high up shelf so I drag a bar stool from the island inside to stand on so I can reach.
As I'm try to get down the stool tips and falls with me underneath... I tear up from the really bad pain in my arm and look at it to see a white and red thingy poking out of my skin.. I touch it and it explodes with pain.
"Why, why is this stuff happening!?" I sob grabbing the fallen box of pop tarts with my non hurt arm before heading to the table to eat my sad dinner.
^2 years later^
*13 years in the past*
~10 years of age~
•family troubles•
- warning self harm and mentioned abuse-
I look out the window shocked to see the moon in the sky. I whipped my head around to look at the clock before cursing myself for not knowing how to read clocks. I sprint out of my brothers room heading to the nurse station. Once I got there I asked Ms. Jasmine, the head nurse, for the time. She looked at me and smiled before telling me it was 10 min before visiting ended.
I stood there shocked. 'I was supposed to be home by 8!!! It's almost 10!' I thank the kind lady before heading to my brother's room to say good bye. I walked in the room and grabbed my book bag before I slowly walked to stand beside him. I smiled at him and told him I love him before I kissed him on the cheek, running outa the room without hearing a reply. I wave bye to the nurses that I have grown accustomed to in the past few years before taking the elevator to the ground level. I jog out the door and to the bike stand before jumping on mine and speeding thru town trying to hurry home.
When I reached the house I quietly put my bike in the garage before heading to the back of the house, hoping to get in without being seen. I step into the dim house closing the door behind me and sneaking into to the cupboard to steal some much needed food. Once I got the food I started the dangerous trek to my bedroom.
Once I made it safely to my room I locked the door and started to stuff my face with the cream cheese danish I managed to snag from the cupboard. Once I licked all of the traces of the danish from my hands I went into the bathroom to destroy the evidence of the thing.
I placed the wrapping in the sink turning on the vent, and even opening the window for good measure, for no one to smell the soon to be burned plastic.
I grabbed the lighter I stole from one of the demons I called "parents" and carefully lit the plastic. I guess I was not careful enough because soon the bandages on my arm caught aflame and had to hold in my yells of pain as I tried to put them out.
After they were out I went to the bath and turned the water on and set it to cool, so I can clean my boo boos, new and old. I stepped into the water trying not to look in the mirror on the walls around me, not caring to see my bruised and scared body. I carefully cleaned all the existing wounds before turning to my arm. I slowly lowered the burn into the water hissing before slowly smiling.
" why does this feel so good?" I ask my self aloud. 'The boo boos I have gotten before now have never felt this way.' I shooed away the thought before starting to clean the burn. Once I was done I stepped outa the bath taking a look at the now nonexistent danish wrappings. I smile before one again grabbing the lighter to test if the pain really did feel all that good. I lit the skin on the opposite forearm, before realizing it did not feel that nice. I sighed and dropped the lighter before pouring cool water, from the sink, on my arm. My eyes widened as I again felt the pleasure that didn't feel all that good, coming from the just burned skin.
Once I was done, I went under the sink to put the lighter away and to grab the bandages so to wrap them around most of my body before heading to my bed.
I went into my room, towards my bed and get into the not so soft blankets, snuggled with my stuffed red panda. I looked out the window towards the silent moon, wishing the same thing I have wished countless of nights before.
"Please, man in the moon, please have my brother wake from his coma, tomorrow..."
After I said my small request to the moon I nuzzled into my blanket to join my brother in the Land of Dreams.
End of Chapter
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