It's easier to believe when there's no eye witness. It's easier to understand when you had full information.
It's easier to trust when there are no secrets.
For the three whole weeks I haven't seen Austin, these thoughts have been going through my head. I could still feel the dread and the way my heart dropped to my stomach when I saw Austin staring at me, the way I froze, like a deer caught in headlights.
It was like our time stopped, everything else seemed to pass by the noise getting louder as people rushed to see what had happened, the air also seems to gain a voice of its own, blaring as the screams of "Call 911!" rang out.
It felt like I'd been the one dunked under dry water, reality washing down on me.
It hadn't been a dream, although we both wished it was.
Our conversation two days later still haunted me, the words ringing in my ear every chance they get, the numbness taking over my fingers and knees again. Everytime I closed my eyes I could picture the scene clearly, like I'm reliving it over, and over, and over again.
"I swear, I would never hurt her on purpose!"
"And yet, there she is, on the hospital bed, still recovering from the little nudge you gave her into unconsciousness."
His eyes had been set with determination, there was no other truth but his.
"My best friend is in the hospital, April, and from what I saw, it was caused by you."
And there was no denying that, but that didn't mean I wouldn't feel hollow and empty inside.
I've been in England for two weeks, I left a week earlier than everyone else. I would've broken apart even more. Cocooned up in this room almost twenty-four hours a day, I wouldn't expect myself to look sane, or even feel sane.
"Oh, I no dis look, come 'ere darlin', ye no ye should never 'ide from me." I hear a familiar voice and turn to look at the manor head maid. A small smile crosses my face and I walk towards her. She wraps her thin hands around me, my head buried in the crook of her neck.
"What are ye doing outside? It's bloody cold out here. Let's get inside." She smiles sweetly, tugging me in.
We walk past the arbor, the gate slightly open. I didn't know I'd walked this far, my blank mind must've carried my feet in a way that I couldn't remember.
As we enter the manor house, Nana Abigail pulls me to the kitchen, shoving a basket of berries to me. "Go give yer mother, she's settin' up da table for lunch." I sigh, feeling my fingers.
Huh, I guess the numbness weren't just in my mind.
I walk out of the kitchen, heading for the main dining hall. I hear movement, a lot of bustling, it seems mom has the maids under her command. "Mom, Nana Abigail said to give you this. What's going on?" I ask, putting the basket on the table where she pointed and taking some plates from the maids.
"Well, first of all, your auntie's and uncles are coming in in two hours, with all of your cousins and you know how they can get, secondly your Grandmother's wants to have the grand announcement of her new first great grandchild. It has to be perfect and I'm waiting for Kira and your father to get back from wherever they went, Brooke is decorating the entrance, she's already done with the living room. She had fresh flowers be put in all the other rooms from the gardens, June is helping your grandmother's with their outfit, they wanted something elaborate and classy. May is with your grandfather's, helping them with trimming their beards, it's a house full of work." Mom breathes.
You'd think with all the maids in this house, my parents will let themselves take a breather, but noooo, always pushing to impress my auntie's.
"That sounds stressful, do you need any help here?" I ask, throwing a berry in my mouth.
"No thanks, go help Brooke, with all the stress, she might need to go back to Uriah soon." Mom tells me as she dashes around the table, arranging and placing. I push open a door, making multiple right and left turns before I reach the main entrance. I see Ethan with Uriah inside the glass pergola and roll my eyes at him, walking to Brooke.
"A little higher, sorry." She breathes, her furry jacket wrapped around her body. "Hey Brooke, need any help?" She turns to me, a grateful smile on her face.
"Yes, can you help me double check if the sheets have been changed, here's a list of all the colors in each room, they've been assigned to each member of the house and I've put the sheets to the colors they requested. You can take a few maids with you to help change it if they aren't in sync with this. Also, get me Alistair." She exhales, the words tumbling freely out of her mouth.
Hearing this, five maids join me as I walk back into the house. Darn, blasted family of mine, just have to have sheets that are the exact color of what you want. Navy blue, mint green, aquamarine, and what is this, revenge red?
Is this a war zone of some sort?
I bump into Alistair on the way to the fifteenth room, "Good, you're here!" I breathe, already exhausted from staring at so many colors. I had to fucking inspect it! Brooke put some color tags beside each room with the name of the relative, if it wasn't the color she placed next to the room on the list, then we had to change it and find a new color, the exact color. There was no option two, no rooms for excuses, and definitely no room for mistakes.
"What's up?" He asks, watching me with careful eyes. "Brooke need you, she's at the main entrance and I think you guys will have to go get some more things and a new tree soon." I tell him.
"Aye, aye, captain." he mock salute and rushes of to meet her. Two hours, if it's one thing I hate most about my family, it's that they loved to bloody be in time.
°•°•°|°•°•°
I stare at the black haired girl staring back at me, ice blue eyes looking down at me with a disgusted look. Her jaw moving slowly as she chewed on the balti curry, her deep pink lips moving in and out in a manner. "Hey, April, don't you think you'll get too far if you keep eating all those carbs?" She asks, her annoyingly doll like voice sings out to me, her sister smirking as I look down at my plate of spaghetti bolognese, I look back at the girls, my brow rising as I feel the heat bubbling in my chest, I continue shoving the spaghetti in my mouth, ignoring the weird looks my cousins are dishing our way.
June seems to notice how I'm feeling and her hand covers mine, her reassuring gaze with a calm smile relaxes me. I look at May, she's looking at me with a worried look, Devin is also looking at me but his attention is more on May. I sigh, turning to my aunt's who are having a light conversation with my mom and our grandmothers.
"Hey, April, where's Luke?" Trisha, my other cousin turns to me, licking her lips from sauce. The other one with ice blue eyes, Malia and her sister Mara all look at me with hopeful eyes that seem to have some underlying gaze, almost like they'd been waiting for someone to strike up this conversation.
"I was wishing I'd get to meet him, the other ones seem to be a bore, sports, ha! And a little wench with amnesia, short term memory loss, whatever you want to call it-" My grandmother, Cecile, glares at Trisha.
"Watch your tongue young lady, you're at the table, what has your mother taught you?" From the corner of my eye I see Chase holding in laughter, I send him a glare but he rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his drink. Trisha looks down to her food, her lips pursed in anger.
"But she's right, where is Austin? Or are you guys on, oh is it going on a break that you term actually breaking up nowadays, I can't keep up to all you young'uns trends." My uncle laughs a cold laugh, his eyes glittering in amusement.
"No, he went to Italy with his best friend, she was in an accident lately." I reply and his wife, Anna gasps. "Is it the boxer girl? Poor thing! Said she almost drowned to death, thank God she was saved on time!" She says with a sigh, shaking her head with a heavy look on her face.
I reach out to cut a piece of the lemon chicken. Adding it to my plate when I'm done with the spaghetti. I hear soft baby whimpers before Uriah starts crying. Ethan turns to his wife, watching as she coos to their son, trying to get him back to sleep.
"Is he okay?" Mom asks, her fork clinking against her plate as she looks at him. "Oh be quiet Theresa! You're not the first to have a child Brooke, go tend to him, and please far away." Anna says, rolling her eyes as she places her food in her mouth with a tired and bored expression.
Brooke nearly gasps, catching her bottom lip before she makes a sound. Ethan excuses himself and leaves with Brooke. The maids clear up his section of the table, taking his and Brooke's plate.
When they're out of sight, she grabs a napkin, wipes her mouth and tosses the napkin back on the table.
"This is why we should never let them Americans into this family, she can't even simply take care of the child! Chase, you're hearing me, you're a boy, do not follow your older brothers footsteps, he-"
"Okay that is enough! I will not tolerate the way you speak of us like we aren't even here! You've managed to talk about every single one of us, heating, poking and making fun of us and we just sat here taking it all in, but I won't allow you talk about my brothers that way!" I slam my hands on the table, glaring at Aunt Anna. She turns her head to me, her eyes wide. "Young lady-"
"You know what, you're just a bloody tosser coming here, making cheap English breakfast like you're all welcome back here, just because you're all so famous, prancing round America! You bring your boyfriends, shoving and rubbing it in our faces that you're all so successful, you dancing," She hisses, glaring at May, "You, taking off all of your clothes and posing in front of a man, forgetting that you're meant to be a proper lady!" She grabs a fork, throwing it across the room.
"You, you married and didn't even invite anyone of us, your own family!" She screams at Kira and my eyes go wide.
Now I know we sent out invitations, we tried calling but they blatantly refused to even make a show, no calls, no congratulations-
"You Chase, now I don't have anything against you, but you brought this American girl and who knows, she might even forget all about tonight once she goes to bed, why would you bring a damaged person to this household?" She screams, hitting the table.
"And finally, you!" She glares at me, her eyes burning with hatred. "You carve yourself into the art world with your piece of crap, talentless bitch, you steal everything away from everyone, innocent eyes like a deer, a wolf in blasted sheep's clothing!" She seethes, her fist gripping the sheets and pulling it, the food turns, splashing and hitting everyone. The chicken hits me, staining the light rose gold sweater I had on.
"Okay, you want it you bastard? You think I don't know about all your stupid little family secrets huh? Or you want to talk about the one where you had to come to me when you were-"
"Shut the fuck up!" She screams, lunging for me across the table, she grabs my shirt, pulling me and hitting my head against the table. I groan, the cut I'd gotten from when I hit the glass at the ball felt like it cut open.
"Trisha!" I hear Grandma Cecile gasp, holding her hand to her chest. I pull her, throwing her over the table, everyone leaves the table, scurrying away.
I reach for her but she smacks my face, climbing over me, digging her talons into my skin. I groan, throwing her away from me, I punch her in the face, pain spreads through my hand.
I draw back my arm, shaking it off, she holds her nose her hair in a raging fit, scattered and glaring at me with that raven shine. I grab a full fist of it, my face scrunched up in anger. I start dragging her as she throws a fit, thrashing and lashing out.
Her mom and cousins yelling at me to stop, even Chase has a worried look, Fayette looks like she's going to faint any time from now, my grandparents holding their hands to their chest. Grampa Davis starts whispering to himself like he's praying.
I drag her all the way to the drawing room, by hair, she reaches, scratches at my arms but I still don't let go, tightening my fists around her hair.
She does come to our family house, insult us in front of the whole family and get away with it, not this fucking time.
I push her to the ground, her head smacking against the floor with a this. I hear them rushing into the room, Chase and Ethan reach for me but I shake them off.
It almost seems like they weren't willing to stop me, but doing it because they're supposed to.
I punch her face again, drawing her by the hair until I reach the glass table, raising her head, about to ack it against the ta-
"April, are you alright? You look sick." I hear mom's voice ask me, I look up at her, her clothes still perfectly in order, no stains. I see everyone giving me a weird look, well, except from Ethan and Brooke who aren't here.
I look down at the table and see that the food and tablecloth are still on, Trisha isn't bleeding and Chase looked like he just paused cleaning Fayette's lip with a napkin.
My right arm isn't hurting from hitting something hard but probably from gripping my fork so tight.
Did I just imagine that all?