I woke up with a startle. With cold sweat still running down my back, I involuntarily shivered in the bed. I could no longer hear the voices that tormented me but I could still remember it's words so vividly.
Those words had cut through my heart, cruelly twisting it, making the old scars to bleed once again.
'I thought Kael said that once you've forgotten your human name, you will be indifferent towards your past. If so, then why does it still hurt so much even though I don't remember my name?'
As I willowed in my distress, I clutched at my heart tightly. Trying hard to forget, to push away those painful memories that had risen from the depths of my heart away from me.
"You're awake?"
Suddenly, I heard a voice from my side. I turned to look and found a beautiful person sitting there silently. The person's black hair was only about shoulder length, tied lightly by the side. Their eyes were a beautiful shade of green. They looked neither male nor female.
As I couldn't detect any malice coming from this person, I started looking around me. I noticed that I was inside a withered wooden hut. Through the window, I could see a vast field of flowers that extended through the horizons.
I looked back at the person to my side, asking in a dazed manner, "Where am I? This isn't the Void is it?"
That person extended their hand to me, petting me on my head gently, "This is the Garden. You don't have to worry, you're safe now."
With a light smile, they place their hand down before continuing, "We managed to save you in time. But you needed to rest here for now. Your soul was wounded and needed to recover. The Garden can help you with that. Do you still feel any pain anywhere in particular? If you do, please tell me."
"I feel fine now. Thank you," I replied.
Despite having woken up in such a terrible way, somehow, I was feeling less disturbed as I had expected. I feel oddly calm. Is it this place? The Garden?
"Right! Serafi! Where is she now? Is she unharmed?" I asked when I remembered that Serafi was now currently alone. As a Trist, wouldn't she be attacked by Hewin too? There's no way he didn't notice her existence back then!
Having seen the concern in my eyes, that person smiled gently, "That child is safe. Currently, we have someone watching over her. You don't need to worry."
"Then I need to go back! It's my duty to protect her. I can't just impose on others for that!"
Shaking their head, that person denied my request, "No. You aren't allowed to leave unless your soul has fully recovered. You can go back once you're healed. For now, stay here obediently."
I stayed silent at their words. I instinctively knew that trying to convince them to let me return was impossible.
"Ange!"
While I was lost in my thoughts, I heard a familiar voice call out to me in a breathless manner.
A man in all black appeared from the door. With his dead eyes and horrible complexion, it was hard to mistake him for anyone else.
"Kael," I called out his name in surprise.
After having a proper look at me, he smiled. "You're alright now?" he asked.
I nodded my head at him and replied simply, "Yeah."
Just then, the person that has been sitting next to me stood up.
"I'll leave you two to talk. I needed to attend to some matters now that I see you've woken up," they said before leaving me and Kael alone.
Kael looked at that person as they leave, sighing before he came next to my bed, sitting down in an exhausted manner.
"Kael, who was that person earlier?" I asked.
Kael looked at me, scratching his head as he turned his gaze to the door, "That was Kriu. One of the White Angels that followed you to the Void to rescue you. Why? Did they say something to you?"
"No. Not really," I replied. "Just. I've been curious for a while now... Is that person a 'he' or a 'she'?"
At my question, Kael chuckled lightly, "I see that your sense of concern is still a bit screwed as usual. That's a relief."
Then, he looked at me as he replied, "The answer is neither. I told you before right? The Pure Angels don't have genders. Or to be more precise, they do not have appearances. For normal humans, when an angel revealed themselves, they would look like someone or something that had left the most impression on the human. So it differs. However, for other angels and any beings with high spirituality, they would see the form that the Pure intentionally takes on."
Laughing to himself, Kael continued, "Kriu doesn't want to define themself with gender. They said, 'since they have never even been given a gender upon birth, why would they bother doing so now by copying the humans?' So now, they just usually made themself appeared gender-neutral. Not much a man but not a woman either."
"So a Pure actually never had a true form?" I asked curiously.
Kael tilted his head to the side as he answered, "Ahh... Well, in a way they do have a true form. The form they were born in. Their souls. See those floating colourful misty balls over there?"
He pointed out the window, towards the misty balls of light floating above the flowers.
"Those are the human's souls. The Pure's souls looked the same way. It's just that theirs are pure white without any impurities."
"Meril and the other Pures made themselves look human but they can change their appearance to look like whoever or whatever they want. There's a time when Kriu had also made themself look like some animal or some other unidentified creature. They aren't one to restrain themself just because of others so they just do whatever they wanted."
Kael added on as he looked at me, "I called Kriu using a gender-neutral addressing. Similarly, I used 'he' for Meril because he obviously looked like a male. Should he change his appearance to that of a woman one day, I would similarly change my way of addressing accordingly. You should do the same for the other Pures you would encounter in the future. If you can't figure out their supposed 'gender', just use a gender-neutral tone. Or just ask them bluntly. They never minded those trivial stuff anyway."
"I see... I'll make sure to keep that in mind," I said as I nodded my head.
I sighed to myself. Looking up at Kael, I then went straight to the point, "Now that my curiosity has been satisfied, mind explaining to me what exactly happened? What exactly did that Hewin want with me? They mentioned something like an awakening and a thing they needed. What was that about? And why me?"
"Ah. You finally decided to ask? Don't people usually ask about this first before other matters? You seriously do have your priorities screwed," Kael said, looking at me blankly.
"Kael," I called out his name with a serious look, pressing him to explain what he knew.
Kael shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. I truly don't know why. Hewin has always been a mysterious one. He's quite easy to read but his actions can be really unpredictable at times."
While Kael was speaking, I felt like he was holding back. Like there was something that he hadn't told me.
Just as I was about to ask further, I heard Meril's voice coming through the doorway.
"It's something that relates to your past."
"My past?" I turned my gaze at Meril with a quizzical look.
Meril nodded his head as he entered the room. As he did so, Kael turned to ask him, "I thought you said she shouldn't know yet."
"That's right. She shouldn't. But that doesn't mean I should keep her completely in the dark. She's a curious person by nature. If she goes around poking about because we didn't tell her anything at all, it'll just bring her more harm," Meril replied calmly.
"What is it that I shouldn't know?" I asked as I peered at both of their faces.
Meril just smiled at me with his usual gentle smile while Kael just showed a helpless look.
"This incident with your kidnapping. It has something to do with your forgotten memories. You see, before we discovered you, you apparently had already been dead for a year," Meril said slowly.
"So this is because of something that had happened during that time?" I asked Meril.
"Yes." He replied, "I can't tell you anything specific but due to that 'something', you've been targeted. We couldn't foresee this incident happening beforehand thus, it is our blunder. For that, we apologize."
Meril said that as he lowered his head gracefully, apologizing sincerely.
Kael widened his eyes at this sight, probably shocked at his actions.
I was silent for a moment, thinking of various things before speaking up, "Tell me, why is it that you couldn't tell me anything specific?"
Meril raised his head, looking at me in the eyes before smiling gently, "The catalyst sealed that part of your memories for a reason. The fact that you still haven't recovered those memories mean that you're still not ready to remember them. Whatever that had happened during that time, the way you are now, you're still not ready for them."
"Even if not knowing itself can threaten my life?" I asked back as I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Even so, I can't tell you. If I do, the knowledge itself could potentially harm you," he said as he looked at me with sad eyes.
"That's why, will you please trust me on this and not do anything risky to find out more?"
Faced with his sincere plea, it was hard to press on for more information.
Gritting my teeth, I looked at him seriously, "You said I'm still not ready. Then what should I do to be ready? To be able to remember? I refuse to stay oblivious all the time."
Meril smiled when he looked at me. His eye seems to have a hint of pride as he said, "Get stronger. Both physically and mentally."
"How?" I asked, staring at him.
"I'll teach you. You have to stay in the Garden for now anyway so we should use this chance to train you," Meril replied with a gentle smile.
"Then train me. I don't wish to be so helpless the next time that bastard shows himself. Next time I see him, I'd like to pummel him myself," I said with determination as I clenched my fists.