Hello, dear diary!
I haven't written in a while, I know, I'm sorry.
Today I want to write to you about Facundo, a great friend I had in those years.
To begin with, Facundo is tall, has curly hair, is a little shy until you give him confidence, is loyal, always ready to support you through thick and thin, follows you on your adventure, and is the type of person that mothers like.
When I met Facundo it was in an unexpected way, I didn't plan to be his friend, much less talk to him; I remember that a colleague, knowing that I liked him a little, decided to introduce us, and that way we became friends.
I just wanted to leave him as a passing crush, you know, the classic fleeting crush, but, apparently, life wanted him and me to have a history.
You know something, I think that a person has a history with another person once they have lived through important things, the kind that mark you, that create memories, add experience and make you wiser.
He was one of those people.
Facundo made me laugh with his nonsense, he was very clumsy, but with a big heart.
He always knew when someone was lying to me, or when someone wanted to make me look bad, he always took care of me and protected me.
He became the most important guy in my life (by then, don't get me wrong), because he was my best friend.
Facundo and I had many things in common, music, TV series (at that time there was no Netflix yet), we liked to talk about deep issues, we always went out, we went to the mechanical games, for ice cream, we went to the movies a lot; and the most important thing, he knew me.
You know... I never really knew Facundo, he never talked about him, he never mentioned his family, and I think that was one of the reasons why I didn't want to hang out with him anymore.
I remember it was the last day I saw him, the day I first met his family, and it was a shame it was the first and last day.
Anyway, things happen for a reason, don't they?
I remember that in third year of high school, Facundo told me that he liked Janela, if it made me a little sad but it wasn't a big deal, I mean, at that time, everybody liked Janela, and she liked everybody... (hahaha)
Facundo knew that I liked Lena, and he didn't judge me, on the contrary, he supported me a lot.
At that time, to have a person who knew about your sexual orientation, or what was happening to you and who didn't judge you and who supported you, was lucky, very lucky.
The truth is that I do not complain about the friends I have and had, all those who have formed and are part of my life have always known about my orientation and never judged me, on the contrary, I feel that it strengthened my friendship with them.
As I was telling you, Facundo was my adventure partner, he changed his shift together with Janela in the morning, so I was left alone in the high school room, but, in spite of that, Facu always picked me up after school so I wouldn't go home alone.
Many friends thought we were a couple, which reminds me of an anecdote I forgot to mention.
This happened at the end of third year of high school, Facu got engaged to a girl, her name is Cristina.
Cristina was one of those girls who were somewhat rough physically, with a wide face, a marked chin, almost the size of Facu, with a wide body, but thin legs; she was not pretty at all.
Many of us wondered why Facu was with her, and many of us also came to the conclusion that she just wanted to go out with someone.
If my memory serves me correctly, many people wanted Facu and I to be together, it's typical, what everyone expected, that best friends end up being together.
The rumor that we might have something got so strong that, Cristina exploded.
One day, coming out of class, as usual, I went out and waited for Lena and her group of friends, who, by the way, were not all to my liking, but when you're with the girl you like, that doesn't matter much.
So, I was waiting for her and obviously Facu, as my best friend, was with me.
Sometimes Facu didn't wait for Cristina as he was supposed to, but who am I to say whether he should or not.
So, as I was saying, Facu and I were waiting for Lena, when she left the school, we took the same route as always, and as soon as we got to the next block that followed her to the school, the screaming started.
- You're supposed to be escorting your girlfriend, not just any slippery one!
Immediately my whole group, including Lena and Facundo, turned around to see what it was all about; as soon as we turned around, we saw Cristina and her group of friends screaming, to which Lena tells me:
- I think they're talking to Facu, referring to you being a slut...
I don't think so, I know them...
- You may know them, but that doesn't stop them from talking about what they're talking about...
Maybe you're right...
- Of course I do, but I'm not going to let them talk about you like that. I'll go and put them back.
That's when we heard someone say:
+ I'll take care of it.
Lena and I looked around to see who had said that and were surprised that it was Facundo, who was approaching Cristina and her group of friends.
At that moment I understood that he would go with them, so I went my way.
When we got to the bus stop, Lena told me:
- Relax, I'll take care of this tomorrow, they'll understand they shouldn't mess with you.
Suddenly, the same voice we had heard earlier said:
+ Of course they won't mess with her, my relationship is over, they have nothing to talk about anymore.
That's right, dear diary, Facundo had ended his relationship with Cristina.
On the way home, Facundo began to tell me what had happened with Cristina and her friends.
+ Cristina had listened to her friends' bad advice, that's why they started yelling at you all the time, so I told her that she was not more important than you, she can't talk about you like that, let alone mess with you; so, the best thing was to break up, because I will always prefer my best friend to a girlfriend.
You shouldn't have done that, you'll make them talk too much, you've given them the perfect excuse...
+ I don't know, but I didn't want to be with her anymore.
You wouldn't have used me as an excuse to end your relationship.
+ I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anything else... besides, I think Cristina has something with one of her friends and she didn't want to tell me.
Well, that's none of my business anymore
After that conversation, I knew that my friendship with Facundo was as important to him as it was to me.
What else can I tell you about him?
Oh, shit!
I can't think of anything else right now...
I guess I'd better go to sleep, I think I'll tell you more tomorrow, try to remember.
= New day =
Hello...
I know it's been a few days but, to be honest, I was a little busy and couldn't remember much either... although I woke up today remembering something, so I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget.
Facundo used to come to my house to pick me up to go out, while I would get ready because he always did it at the last minute, he didn't get bored while he waited, he would play with my brothers...
That was the note I wrote so I wouldn't forget...
As I told you, we always went out, in one day we could do many things, like for example:
The exit always began by going to the mechanical games; one of our favorites was the bumper cars, another was about killing zombies, one was about memory, and the one we played little but tried hard was the one about dancing... he was two left feet.
After the hard work of spending a lot of our money, it was time to eat...
And we did eat!
We would start with an ice cream, we already had our favorite place, which yes, it was one of those ice cream shops that have several stores; but, it was our favorite, it always had delicious flavors, and the attention was very good.
After giving us that appetizer, (hahaha), I can't help but laugh when I tell you all this, but... it's just that, if we ate a lot...
So... like I was telling you; after the ice cream, it was customary to go to a food court at some mall, you know... to have choices of what to eat.
We were the kind of guys who would walk around the place until we saw something we liked, sometimes we didn't agree, and that was sometimes a problem.
We were both the ones who didn't have a lot of money but, we both put together what little money we had at the time and tried to look for some offer or promotion in those fast food places, so choosing something we both liked was a bit complicated.
To solve our problem in choosing food, it stopped being complicated when we started flipping a coin or playing the classic rock, paper, scissors.
After picking out some promotions and eating, we'd walk to my house, always walking...
On the way there always had to be a wine cellar, and that was our last stop before arriving at my house; at the wine cellar we always bought something to drink, because walking always made us thirsty.
Then we'd get to my house, and that's how our days were.
A lot of things happened in this time of high school, we went through a lot.
Facundo and I had a friendship that few could say they had and others could only see it.
I remember that at that time there was a girl who entered school the same year as him and Janela; her name was Franca.
You know what the irony of his name was?
She was always lying.
At first, if I'm being honest, I didn't want to talk to her, much less be her friend, but do you remember Gisel, one of my adventure friends? Well, she introduced me to her, said she was nice, had money and was from New Zealand, which I was right to say:
If you're from New Zealand, why are you here?
- I don't know - she said doubtful.
Don't get me wrong, but isn't it a bit strange that a European girl who claims to have money is in an underdeveloped country and on top of that, has been enrolled in a state school?
- Maybe the economic situation there isn't so great, or maybe they transferred their family...
Don't make excuses for what you're not sure of yourself, but... okay, I'll talk to her if you want me to meet her so badly...
Gisel hugged me and that's how I met Franca, and later we became friends.
Hey! I'm running out of time, I have an early class tomorrow.
I'll write to you later...
= New day =
How's it going?
I'm already free, so, as far as I'm concerned.
I was telling you about Franca, right?
Well...
Do you know where I failed and I thought I'd be a good friend?
It's kind of a funny story, but I think you would have thought the same thing.
One day at school, as usual, we were in class, and I was getting a little sick to my stomach...
Yes, you can imagine, I don't need to tell you but, I went to the toilet.
I swore that the little toilet paper I had was going to be more than enough, but no; it turns out that my stomach wasn't exactly hurting; it was in my day.
This is where my situation got complicated, how was I supposed to get out of the bathroom without anyone seeing me and especially in that state?
For my luck, Franca decided to go to the toilet too.
- Hello? Fabi, are you here?
Yes? Franca, is that you?
- Yes, are you okay?
Nnn... no, I'm in my day...
- Wow! Do you need anything?
Do you think you can buy me a wipe? I just don't have any more...
- Yeah, sure, I'll take care of it, I'll be right back...
Thank you...
And that's how I became friends with Franca.
My story with Franca was normal, as far as I was concerned.
I'm going to describe Franca to you, so... get ready.
Franca was not the typical New Zealand girl, it was the opposite... she had cinnamon skin, she was short, let's say 1.50 cm, short hair, black to be specific.
I remember that many of us thought that she was born in our country and not in New Zealand as she wanted us to believe.
When we met her family, we thought she was adopted.
Don't get me wrong, but she didn't look like any member of her family, she was totally different from them.
His family, if they had money, lived in a good area, but even so he never really convinced me.
When she arrived in the fourth grade, I found out that she had also done the shift change, we all wanted to be there in the morning.
At first it was all right, until one day everything changed.
= New day =
Hey, uh...
I'm sorry I haven't been writing these days, but believe me when I tell you that college is very exhausting.
Let me see where it was that I stayed...
Well, I checked.
As I was telling you, Franca had also made her shift change, and that change brought a lot of problems. One of those was with Janela.
I remember that one day Janela and I were talking by facebook message, when the following conversation came up:
- Hey, uh... I heard that you're talking badly about me and I wanted to know what's going on with you
What? What are you talking about?
- You know what I mean.
No, I don't.
- Do not lie, Franca told me everything.
Franca? What's she got to do with it?
I'm not understanding you.
- I know you've been saying I'm a bitch.
- That I'm a fake, and other things...
Okay...
And aren't you a bitch?
Hahaha
You know I've always treated you this way, I never meant to hurt you.
- I know that...
- But haven't you been saying it in a derogatory way?
- Or, like you mean it, like you want people to see me badly...
Not at all.
Who told you that lie?
Franca?
- Yes, she did.
I don't like those things, I don't talk about the rest.
- I know, that's why I wanted to talk to you first.
Okay, but I think we should talk to her.
- I totally agree.
- How about tomorrow at my check-out time and your check-in time?
Yes, perfect
- Great, I'll see you tomorrow.
As I've just told you, Franca ended up being a liar and a fake, and just as she made Janela and I were about to have an argument, she did the same the following year with Facundo and me.
In order to tell you about the problem that Franca caused between Facundo and me, I have to tell you first that for fifth grade I finally decided to change my shift at school; I missed my friends, and I wanted to start studying another language, so I talked to my parents and they accepted. We made the necessary arrangements and that was it, next year I would be on the morning shift.
Considering what I just told you, I'll come by and tell you what happened between Facundo, Franca and me.
Do you remember when I told you that I liked Facundo for a while, when I was in third grade?
Great!
That was a secret, and guess who else knew about it.
Exactly, Franca.
What happened was like this:
Franca, by this time, I was having a closer friendship with Facu, even though I didn't like that idea very much, I didn't have any problem with it, because, I think we are all free to choose who we get together with and who we are friends with, no friendship should decide for you or bother about who you get together with.
So... I never forbade Facu anything.
With that context in mind; on one of the days when Franca and Facu decided to go out and talk, Franca thought it was a good idea to tell Facu that I was in love with him. Yes, in love, not that I had liked him long ago, but that I had been in love with him since third grade.
After they had that conversation, Facundo, instead of talking to me, decided to avoid me, so I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, I preferred to let him think; inside I thought maybe something had happened in his house and he wanted space.
The days went by and I decided to talk to him and ask him what was going on.
We talked.
Facu told me what Franca had told him and asked me if it was true.
It's not...
To be honest, I liked you, past tense...
- Not anymore?
No.
Besides, you know everything I went through with Lena...
- Yes, it's true...
- So...
- You don't like me anymore?
No, don't worry, I only see you as my best friend.
- That's good, I see you as my best friend too.
That was the last conversation we had over the years.
Facu was always a very special person, he understood me, he always supported me, he knew all my problems and was there to support me.
He saw and heard me crying many times, he was one of the people who knew me in my entirety.
To you, my dear ex-best friend, I want to say:
Thank you.
Thank you for always being there when I needed you, thank you for not judging me, because even though I knew little about what was happening to me and how I felt, you were always there.
I know that having me as a best friend was not easy, it was a challenge, even more so when I was going through the process of exploring my sexual orientation; and that in spite of that, you came to fall in love with me.
That was one of the things that surprised me the most, I still don't understand it, I don't know how someone can fall in love with me.
And yet, you took a chance.
What else can I tell you?
I think you were one of the few people I thought was right for me, but I couldn't be with, you knew too much about me and that scared me.
Did I love you?
Of course, you were everything a girl or boy would want to have, but, it wasn't me, it wasn't you, it wasn't us.
I am sorry that things ended the way they did, but it was something that was not in my hands, time was different, situations were alien to us, it was something we could not control.
I'm not saying I would have done things differently, but maybe...
Maybe I would have told you how much you meant to me.
Thank you for supporting me on this long road, my dear friend.