Serenity
I didn't know how long we stayed in each other's arms, but I watched as the sun readies itself to set. I felt Ethan drifted on and off of consciousness but I didn't sleep. I wouldn't, I was scared that when I wake he'd be gone. I wanted to stay like this and savor the feeling of being secure in his arms.
I remembered a time when we were in Necropolis, when we were cramped in a small space as we waited for the Risen to disperse; I never even once felt that we were in danger. I've always felt safe with him, like nothing can go wrong even though the world is already falling apart.
"I'm sorry Ethan." He didn't answer but I could still feel his chest rising and falling. I assumed he's asleep. "Reminds me of a time when we were in Necropolis. You almost got yourself killed to save me from the Brotherhood and now here you are. Dying because of me. Because I'm cursed and I brought nothing to you but—"
I stilled when his arms tightened around me. "Please, stop saying those things." I looked up at him and saw his once tan face turned to the color of death. His eyes were pleading, his voice hoarse. "You give me hope each time I see your happy face. I—" he groaned and threw his head back as he clutched on his chest. I panicked as blood spurt from his mouth.
"Ethan!" I tried reaching for the first aid kit but he caught my hand and pulled me towards him.
"No. Don't go away. Stay here beside me." He embraced me tight as he convulsed and murmured my name over and over again. "I-it hurts. I-I'm scared—I'm scared too. I don't want to leave you here. I hope—I hope you will forgive me, forgive me Serenity. I—I'm sorry."
"Sssh. Don't say anymore. I'm not mad. I'll be right here beside you."
He chuckled but pain stopped him. "You don't-you don't understand. I-I kept so many things from you. I'm sorry, I had to. I had to make you forget. You see, you can hear thoughts and I—I control memories."
Made me forget? Ethan can control memories? I pulled myself away but he stopped me. "Please. Please listen to me, Serenity. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There's not much time left." I felt Ethan kissed my hair and tilted my chin up so I'm looking at him. My eyes widened with shock and I froze as his lips met mine. He—Ethan kissed me!
"I—I've always wanted to do that. Always wondered how that would feel."
"Ethan..." but he put a finger over my lips.
"Please, please. I'm not your-your brother. I—I'm not who you think I am. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I just had to. I just love you so much. I-I have loved you for-for as long as I-I can remember. I was so-so selfish. I'm sorry. Ah!" Ethan released me as he fell on the ground hugging himself as tremor shook him.
I sat rooted on my spot. If he wasn't my brother then who is he? Who am I? How dare he lie to me? He told me to trust him and I did! I trusted him and I wanted to be mad and demand an explanation from him. But I can't. My head reeled with so many questions and tears streamed my face as I thought of how miserable he's been all these time. He's love me for as long as he could remember. He could control memories. He could've made me remember that I was his girlfriend, that I was madly deeply in love with him but instead he made me remember him as my brother. He made me believe that I am his sister!
All those years we were together in Necropolis, he could've taken advantage of me, but he kept his distance. Without a word, I cradled my trembling lover in my arms and planted a light kiss on his lips like he did to me. "It's okay, I forgive you. I understand."
"You-you do?" I nodded but uncertainty filled his face.
"Well, maybe that's why I keep having strange feelings for you. You could've told me." He chuckled at my dry humor.
"I'm glad I didn't" He wiped my tears away. "If I—if I did, you'd just-just force yourself to-to love me back or-or—"he started wheezing and though I hushed him, he continued. "or pretend like you're doing now. I know-I know what you're doing. I always know."
"I'm not pretending! I love you. I love you with every breath I take. You're everything to me. And now you're leaving me! What will I do without you Ethan?"
His lips quivered. "You really love me?" I nodded and he closed his eyes as he smiled. "I could die right now."
"No, please open your eyes. Not yet please." There were so many things I'd like to ask. I wanted to know how we met, when he realized that he loved me, who I am, who he is, how we ended up like this?
"I know you-you have many questions to ask but-but you'll get answers as soon as I die."
"I'd rather not get all the answers, just stay with me please. I won't ask anything, I don't want answers anymore, just stay alive. Stay with me." And I realized I meant it more than I wanted to and it hurts so much.
"You know I can't I—I—"I wanted him to stop talking about his death so I kissed him. His lips tasted of blood as he kissed me back.
"I love you, Ethan. I love you. I love you. I love you."
His wheezing stopped, his body relaxed as I murmured the words in his ear. He caressed my hair. "I-I should've told you more often how much I love you. If I-if I'd known I won't last long I should've held you everyday. But I was scared you see, if I ho-hold you too long I might do something stupid and make you hate me again."
I suppressed my cry and took a steadying breath instead. I swallowed hard when I spoke. "I-I know you've been having a hard time holding on. You-you can let go now. You can close your eyes and wake up somewhere better. Where there's no pain, like heaven. Now don't you dare interrupt me by saying that heaven is just for good people because you're even much better than these people in Babylon."
He chuckled, "You know me well, Serenity." He paused and I waited. "Can I ask for something?"
"Anything, Ethan."
"Don't forget about me."
"Never." He cast a sad smile.
"Another thing. Kiss me again, please. It makes me warm and happy."
Without second thoughts, I did and gushes of memory flooded my mind.
I had a family, a small one but as I turned fourteen, they learned about my ability and surrendered me to the Brotherhood in exchange for a month's supply of food. I was devastated but there I met Ethan, he was sixteen back then. We were the same. Gifted not cursed. Though, I was their prisoner, we became close friends. He enjoyed my company and I his. It was forbidden and he often got into trouble for seeing me. I knew then that he loved me but I was too young and he didn't want to take advantage of my innocence. I liked him for that but I didn't tell, I was so shy.
But then one night while I was crying because of the thoughts I heard about me being ready as a sacrifice, I heard Ethan's thoughts telling me that he'll come and rescue me. We sneaked out as Ethan used his gift to make the Brotherhood forget and I used mine to anticipate the next moves that they're going to take. We were like a tandem. When I anticipated the Brotherhood's proximity, he hid me at a deep hollow under a huge old tree. He came back covered in blood.
He kept both of us alive after that. But when we came to my home—which Ethan strongly disagreed to do—we found my family being devoured by the Risen, I was never the same.
"Why are you being like this, Serenity? They surrendered you to the Brotherhood in exchange for food! That's all you're worth to them and do you know what I think?" I remembered him saying but I refused to open up my ears to hear his thoughts. "Fine, then I'll say it! I think they deserved to die! They got served for what they deserved because they are low lives who surrendered their young innocent daughter so they can have—"
"Stop it! Just stop it! You know nothing because you never once had a family! All your life you've been living with those psychos who hunt for women. You don't know what it's like to lose people who are part of what you are."
He blanched at that and I knew I hit a nerve. He didn't throw back hurtful words. "You're right. I don't know what it's like. I'm sorry."
But I knew he wasn't. He still thought that my family deserved their deaths. But I knew he's right and I hated him for making me realize how unloved I was. "Now I have no one."
"You have me, Serenity. I'm here for you."
"I hate you."
I never knew how much those three words hurt him. We never spoke after that but he kept me alive. He gave me all that I needed, he saved me each time I get into trouble and danger.
"How long are you going to keep this up, Serenity?" I remembered him asking once we were huddled in an underground cave. "Please say something. We can't go on like this!"
I didn't know why but I just didn't want to speak to anyone, not even him during that time—well as if there are others I could talk to aside from the walking dead. I was too hurt, too self-centered to notice anyone else but me.
"Leave me alone. I don't want you." I didn't see the desperation and pain he felt as my words sliced through him.
"What can I do? Tell me, what can I do to make you stop this? To make you come back to life?"
"Bring my family back to life."
He didn't get mad as I expected him to, he just kept silent the entire night.
"I love you Serenity and I'll do anything to make you stop this. I don't want you to hate me. I love you so much and I hope someday you will forgive me for doing this." I got scared that time. How could I have thought that he'd do something to hurt me?
He held my head in both hands, his eyes boring into mine. "Ethan! What are you doing? Don't please. Don't do this!"
"I will give you a family."
"You're insane!" I struggled but he held me in place.
"I want you to forget about your family. Forget we got to your home and saw them being devoured by the Risen. I want you to forget the pain you felt. Forget that we met at the Brotherhood. I am Ethan, I am your older brother now." His lips quivered at that and I saw a tear tricked from his left eye. "You want a family, here I am. It's just us. Our parents died a long time ago. I am your brother. Now forget about this night. Forget you ever saw me cry. Forget that you hate me. Forget you don't want me. I am your family. I'm all that you have."
A year after that night, Ethan found about the Babylonian's search for survivors.
"I love you so much, Serenity. I'm so sorry."
I blinked twice or thrice as images from my memory faded. Then I saw Ethan's lifeless eyes staring at me. No, no, no, no!
"Hey, Ethan? No. You haven't heard what I have to say yet! You can't leave me like this!" I wailed shaking him. "You are such a coward you know that!" I yelled at him, still hoping he'd hear. "You chose this time to make me remember because you're so scared that I'd hate you. You're scared that you'd hear me say that I don't want you again! Well guess what?" My voice croaked at that and I cupped Ethan's cold face. "I don't hate you. Do you hear me? I don't hate you. Why didn't you wait until you hear what I have to say? How would you know how sorry I am for saying those horrible things to you? I was so young back then, I didn't know what I was saying. How can you ever forgive me?
"How would you know that I'm so-so grateful that you made me forget? How would you know that I liked you back then? That if you had just let me remember sooner, I'd be so much in love with you no matter how maddening your actions were! How can you just leave me like this? I—I am so sorry."
I cried and cried until there's no more tears to shed. If I had just shut my mouth that time, then everything would've been fine. I watched as the sun finally submerged at the far end of the ocean. It's too dark. It's too cold.
I snuggled beside Ethan and wrapped his arms around me. "Don't forget about me."
"How could I forget about you? Stupid jerk!" I sobbed and in an almost whispering voice I said. "I love you." And I cried even harder because Ethan would never know how much I meant it.