Tomorrow is both my drama and badminton team selections. I am pretty sure the girl in the stall was impressed and she already let me in with the way she said
'Hope to see you there, for formality of course'
It's the badminton one I am scared about. First, because it's early in the morning and I am still trying to get accustomed to the timing. Secondly, I am not that great at badminton but I love the sport.
It's already midnight here. Both Rose and Belle have gone out, but I decided to stay home and rest before my selections.
^^^
'Don't talk to him baby'
There's a woman, in a pink flowy dress. The sun is shining on her face so hard that I can barely see her features.
'He will be the end of you'
Who is this lady talking about?
'Although it's almost impossible, try your best to stay away!'
What is she talking about? What is almost impossible?
I go to ask her 'Hey
^^^
I startle awake with sweat across my forehead and my breathing rugged.
A good thing about my nightmares is that I never make any sound, one wouldn't know I was having a nightmare if not for the sweat.
That lady in my dream had a very familiar voice, I just can't grasp it.
I have never had this kind of dream before.
'Stay away from him!' says Belle to Rosalinda.
Belle is wearing a beautiful pink dress.
Did she leave wearing that only?
I remember her wearing a purple tight top with jeans shorts….
'What the fuck is your problem, bitch? Mind your own business' comes rose's slurred voice.
Oh my god, she must be drunk.
It's 5 am! What the hell were they doing for so long?
I leave the bed and go to them.
'Why were yall so late? It's fucking 5 in the morning.'
Belle looks at me guiltily, 'Well we started playing truth and dare, somehow ended up in one of the guy's rooms. Everyone was there.' then she closes her eyes as if trying to figure out something 'Everyone except Adrian'
Who is Adrian?
But I don't have time for this, I need to reach the court by 5 30 so I get enough time to warm up.
Getting ready, wearing the same dress I had worn for skating.
Yes, I repeated it without washing it, I only ever wore it for an hour and I didn't sweat much anyway.
The badminton selection was fine. I did quite well and there were no complications.
Thank god for that!
I and the girls decided to go to eat at a nearby restaurant. We had pizza and milkshakes while talking about each other's days and all.
Rose had said 'Why are you so busy all the time? We barely get to see you girl'
Because I don't want free time. Free time means I think about my nightmares and my faulty personality that I haven't spoken to my parents for so long and I don't want you either. And I think about him.
But that's not what I tell them.
I change the topic, it's been a tactic I use so I don't have to lie but don't have to say the truth either.
'What was the fight today morning about?'
Rose and Belle gave each other a guarded look.
Then Belle decided to speak up. Thank god for that, it was getting pretty awkward.
'Rose was pissed drunk and wanted to kiss a guy calling out her boyfriend's name, so I stopped her, and well we both fought. But leave it to the hangovers to bring us together '
'aah' I didn't know what to say to that, and I was getting late for my drama selection. So I decided to just leave.
'Sorry guys gotta go, I have drama club selections'
I pay my third of the bill and leave.
Shit, I need to get a job.. and fast.
For my selection, I had decided to say monologue from a book that I had read - Bully
'Hey, I'm Taisa and I will be saying a monologue today'
You can skip the monologue; it is not relevant to the story, but a beautiful addition. I would suggest reading it.
I start off calm and happy with a small smile on my face.
'I like storms, Thunder, torrential rain, puddles,
wet shoes.
When the clouds roll in, I get filled with this
giddy expectation.
Everything is more beautiful in the rain.
Don't ask me why.
But it's like this whole other realm of opportunity.
The next lines I say more distantly as if I am in my own little world.
'I used to feel like a superhero, riding my bike
over the dangerously slick roads, or maybe an
Olympic athlete enduring rough trials to make
it to the finish line.
On sunny days, as a girl,
I could still wake up to that thrilled feeling.'
I had a wide smile plastered on my face and laughed in the middle sometimes. I spoke loudly as I was extremely excited.
'You made me giddy with expectation, just like
a symphonic rainstorm.
You were a tempest in the sun, the thunder
in a boring, cloudless sky.
I remember I'd shovel in my breakfast so I could
go knock on your door.
We'd play all day, only coming home for food and sleep.
We played hide and seek, you'd push me on the swing,
or we'd climb trees.
Being your sidekick gave me a sense of home again.'
You know those sad but happy expressions? That's what I was aiming for next.
'You see, when I was ten, my mom died. She had cancer, and I lost her before I really knew her.
My world felt so insecure, and I was scared.
You were the person that turned things right again.
With you, I became courageous and free.
It was like the part of me that died with my
mom came back when I met you,
and I didn't hurt anymore.
Nothing hurt if I knew I had you.'
Next was the sad part, as a transition I turned the smile a little smaller and then into a sad face, my voice softer than it was. Towards the end, I think I started crying a bit.
'Then one day, out of the blue, I lost you, too.
The hurt returned, and I felt sick when I saw
you hating me.
My rainstorm was gone,
and you became cruel.
There was no explanation.
You were just gone.
And my heart was ripped open.
I missed you. I missed my mom.
What was worse than losing you was
when you started to hurt me.'
Now I tried transforming the sadness and pain into hatred and disgust.
'Your words and actions made me hate coming to school.
They made me uncomfortable in my own home.
Everything still hurts, but I know none of it is my fault.
There are a lot of words that I could use to describe you,
but the only one that includes
sad, angry, miserable, and pitiful is "coward." '
Now my voice was almost a whisper.
'In a year, I'll be gone, and you'll be nothing but some washout whose height of existence was in high school.'
My voice drained with mock flattery. That was something I was good at and knew I aced.
'You were my tempest, my thunder cloud, my tree in the downpour.
I loved all of those things, and I loved you.
But now? You're a fucking drought.
I thought that all the assholes drove German cars, but it turns out that pricks in Mustangs can still leave scars.
And I'd like to thank the Academy... .'
Monologue ends
I was screaming by the end until
Until
I see Blondie, at least I think I did. He was smiling as if proud of what he saw. But in the blink of an eye, he was gone. I don't know if I have somehow started to hallucinate because I have been thinking about him so much. Or at least my imagination runs wild.
I'm so caught up with what I think I just saw that Kaira has to repeatedly call out my name
'Taisa, hey? Taisa!'
'Yes, I am sorry. I was uh distracted'
'You were great! So connected with the lines and emotions.
Great choice on the excerpt too'
'Oh um thank you' I say a little awkwardly. I have always had difficulty in taking compliments so I usually don't tell people about my achievements.
'You will get your official entry with the others'
'Oh yeah. Ok Kaira'