"There is no need to hide again, Alexander told me about your contract to be married for one year and then you get divorced, take your payment and go your separate ways. That way, you both get what you want, Xander his inheritance and you, money for your sister's treatment."
{I am furious. Alexander is such a bastard, lying to his mum like this, just so he doesn't tell her how we actually met and how I'm carrying his child. Now I know for sure he is a bastard but I just can't believe he brought my sister into this. She's dead for goodness sake. How could he lie to his mum like this. Is there any limit to his lies?}
"Is there anything you will like to tell me child?"
I should tell her I'm pregnant with Alexander's baby?
"Umm yeah there is..." I look down at my fingers and an image of Alexander saying he isn't the father plays in my head. ".... Actually no I'm alright." I fake a smile. She probably won't believe the baby is for Alex after that fabricated story he told her.
"Does Xander know you are pregnant?"
"Ummm yeah....yeah." Should I tell the baby belongs to her son?
She looks confused but smiles at me and I already know the question that comes next. "Whose is it?" Her voice is low.
{What am I going to do?}
"Is it me or this car is starting to get really stuffy?" A wave of dizziness hits me and I decide to let the darkness take over.
*******
"Bella my dear are you okay?" I struggle to open my eyes and when I do, I see Mary holding a wet cloth over my head.
"What happened?"
"You passed out my dear but you'll be alright. I got your address off Xander and we are taking you home."
"Oh."
"You probably fainted because of stress and lack of food or you were just tired. Have you been taking your meds? I'll advise you to keep the stress to the lowest minimum and eat at least three times a day. Can you do that for me?"
"Yeah sure."
"Oh we are here!!" Mary says, looking out the window.
"Thanks for taking me home." I say as I step out of the car and jam the door.
"Oh honey!" I turn around and look at her. "Take it." she whines down and tosses the brown envelope to me and I catch it out of reflex.
"No you don't understand, I really can't." I hand it back to her.
"Why are you so stubborn. Your sister needs it."
{How do I tell this woman that her son is a lying bastard.}
"She can cope." I dead pan.
"Okay then...take it as my gift to the baby." She smiles genuinely at me. Alex's mother is such a sweetheart.
"Does it really mean that much to you that I take it?"
"Yes it does."
"Okay...thank you." I rest on the open window and take the envelope from her.
{Maybe she's better off not knowing that this is her grandchild? what if they try to take my baby away from me? Well she won't but I'm not sure about her husband after all I have learnt about him in the past few hours, I wouldn't put it past him.}
She puts her hand on my cheek. "You're welcome my dear." I smile and lean into her touch. It feels so motherly. I stand straight and round the car, her driver comes out to help me get my bags from the boot.
"Okay bye now."
"Bye...have a good one." She says while whining up and waving before her car speeds off. I'm happy for the fact that she didn't ask why Alex would want to pretend to be married to a woman who is already pregnant.
As I walk towards the front door, I start to feel terrible. This isn't how things are supposed to end. I knock on the door until I hear Bianca scream, 'coming.' She yanks the door open and gives me a bone-crushing hug.
"What are you doing here B?" Bianca holds my hands and gives them a gentle squeeze. "Why are your eyes red?" She starts to examine my face.
"Can I come in first?"
"Yeah sure, how silly of me." She helps with my bags and I step inside the apartment and take in an almost empty apartment. Everything is in boxes and if they are not, they are in piles. Alexander never took my stuff to his apartment. "I can see that you've started packing everything."
"Don't change the subject, why are you here? and why are your eyes red?"
"I'm here in New York because I have to fix a problem with my school's registration form before tomorrow ends and I'm here in this apartment because I can't go to Alexander's anymore and my eyes are red because I have been crying."
"Why though?"
"Because my life is fucked up." I start to tear up. "And every time I think things can't get any worse, they just do." I start to hyperventilate. "It's okay B, it's alright, breathe...just breathe. Inhale." I take a long drag of air. "Exhale." I breathe out.
"I can't do this." I start feeling like I'm suffocating.
"It's alright B, sometimes you can't do everything on your own...where is your inhaler?"
"My nightstand drawer." I say out of breath. Bianca digs into my drawer and brings out my inhaler. I take a swing of it and immediately start to feel better.
"This is bad B, you haven't needed your inhaler for a long time now..." I take another swing. "...hasn't it been like two years since you last used it?" I knod in agreement then take one last swing.
"B I want you to calm down and tell me why you can't go to Alexander's anymore." I drop my inhaler and tears pool in my eyes so I let them fall. Bianca shakes her head and embraces me, tracing circles on my back.
"Bella listen to me..." She pulls me away from her but holds on to my shoulders "...I don't know why you're crying but I know that dipshit Alexander has something to do with it. If so, tell me why you are here and what the actual fuck he said to you so I can go give him a piece of my mind. Hell I'll even get Aaron to give him a few punches if it will make you feel better." I still don't answer her.
"Bella please, I love you and I will do anything to make you feel better but I can't make you feel better when I don't even know why you're sad!!" It's not like I don't want to tell her, I just can't get the words to leave my mouth...It's too painful.
I stand up and walk to my desk, grab a pen and paper and start writing. I write and write until I feel the words burning a hole into the paper. Bianca doesn't get up, she just sits down on my bed and watches me. She knows me well enough to know that this is how I handle immense anger. I bawl my eyes out and write my feelings out on a piece of paper. It helps a lot and I hope it does right now.
When I'm done, I walk into the kitchen and search the cupboards for a lighter. I find one finally and set the paper on fire.
I burn away all the what ifs and if onlys and it gives me the strength I need to speak up so I do once I go back to the bedroom.
"He played me." I say as I plop on the bed.