I can't live in this house anymore. it's suffocating and petrifying. the light seems more scary than dark cause I can see people in that light. all I want to do is run away. Being isolated isn't working out anymore cause I'm not being allowed to stay isolated for too long. the heart aches have become more frequent . and i have probably gained a good control over my tears. So apparently I am not able to cry when I feel like. tears would lighten up the heavy heart but now it's not working. i wouldn't be surprised if I would turn emotionless numb stone. the gut wrenches in pain . it feels so much of effort to talk about it , suffering rather seems easy. probably Writing it down is the only thing keeping me sane.