I realise that my pillow is finally soaked with tears. I throw the pillow down on the floor from the top bunk. Cath and Sam are completely aware that I am getting nighmares of the events of the past week. They aren fully aware that I cannot sleep and I am crying right now. Sam and Cath has been a huge help lately. However, they both agree that after the events of the week, I deserve some alone time. As I am still unable to sleep, I recall the events of the past week in my head. It all started when I decided to break up with Connor.
It was in Psycology class, it was a nice day, I had plans with Connor and everything was rainbows and sunshine. He came to class, sat beside me in class and we held hands for the first few minutes. It wasnt long before I realised Connor was leaning slightly closer slowly. Considering my awkwardness, I didnt want things to get heated up in a classroom ... AGAIN.
"Hey can you let me out, I need to go out for a minute." I told him.
"Where are you going sweetie?" asked the guy who happened to be my boyfriend, who just looked like a blond idiot right at that moment. I wondered what was wrong with me.
" Please let me out" I repeated.
"And you please tell me where you are going." he snapped at me.
After a long while with him basically RULING on me, I snapped too.
"I dont need to, or want to tell you where I am going" I glared at him, pushed him off and walked out loudly.
As expected, Connor was extremely angry after class. But I do not believe that he had a legidimate reason to be angry. I might have had personal reasons to leave, I do not require to give him an explanation for every step that I take. He did not bother informing me when he randomly went off speed driving or something. Why does only he get to rule on me? Why do I not get to have any opinions about his lifestyle? That was it. I dared to walk up to an angry Connor and just say it.
"I'm breaking up with you Connor." I said with an emotionless straight face.
He only glared at me. He gave me a look as if I just threatened to murder his family. I did not want to get affected. That is when the insecurities kicked in.
The drama started the next day. We were all just having a nice time under the sun, when we heard the chaos coming from the boys dorm. We all ran in to find out that Connor had tried to commit suicide. He had slit his wrists. I was terrified. I could not believe he would slit his wrists just for a breakup. I was also glad that I broke up with him, because I KNOW I could not deal with an overly dramatic guy who would slit his wrists for such a dumb reason. Its not that we had been inseperable or deadly in love or anything. This was utterly unexpected and stupid.
The next day I had my first session with Connor's therapist who called me in to let me know that I have been a complete bitch. She was super convincing to let me know I broke his heart multiple times and he would pick up the broken peices of his heart and surrender them to me again.She let me know that my ice cold heart is still perfectly intact. I wonder if he paid his therapist to say all these things to me. Realisations hit me at night. I would cry myself to sleep every night thinking that I am at fault for everything happening to everyone around me.
I really wish I could stand up to his expectations. I wish I could treat him better. I hope I could be the girl he wanted me to be, the girl he thought I was. I wish I wasn't so full of myself that I didnt notice how much he loved me. I know he loved me with all his heart and I couldn't return back the emotions. I only used him, as an experiment for relationships. I hope he finds some who treats him how he wants to be treated.
This was my first ever relationship, that I couldnt not even save for long enough. It was soon followed by my first ever breakup. I really wish I wasn't so egoistic and was able to save it.
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Hi guys I am @misanthrope03, I hope you like my story. If you like my story, hit a vote and check out my other story "I'd Rather Not" . I hope you guys are having a fantastic day.