I finally decided that it is pointless to blame myself for my breakup. If i keep blaming myself, I will end up depressed, which hopefully I am not..... yet. I hit some realisations while I isolated myself. Also the reason for my isolation was self hatred. Thanks to my self hatred, I almost lost my best friends Samantha and Catherine. I spent the last 2 weeks thinking I hurt everyone around me. So i wanted to "protect" Sam and Cath from the devil I am. But they stuck around me like cheap perfume.... but I actually appreciate it. If these two weren't there, I wouldnt be able to come out of the cloud of sadness.
Sam and Cath made me believe that he was taking me for granted and ruling on me and I made the correct decision by dumping him. Also he was a psycopath to try and kill himself for such a dumb reason. They made me hear everything that a girl needs to hear after a breakup:
Sam: You dont need a guy to make you happy
Cath: That psyco shouldn't be allowed around women.
Sam: Well people change Cath.
Cath: Stop ruining the vibe you dumbass!
Me: Shut up both of you. -_-
I say I am finally done with boy problems. I want to tell myself I am million times better off him, but does it change the way I feel ? I didn't realise how much I cared about him until I broke up with him. I didnt realise I still but two cups of iced latte every morning instead of one. I didnt realise I am now sitting alone in not just psycology class, but every class. Well I realised only after Alex came and sat beside me in Physics class.
"Leah, do not check your instagram." Cath told me when I got back to our room at night.
I have been avoiding instagram anyways .... Connor has been posting depressing quotes and suicide threats about our breakup. Because of this my inbox is flooded with texts from his friends telling me that I have been nothing but a bitch.
"Whats new?" I ask Catherine after her sudden request.
" Nothing.. just dont check" Sam says coming out of the bathroom.
"Seriously, whats wrong?" I ask, finally concerned about their looks.
"Actually she should see it now, in our presence, instead of getting the news from someone else." says Cath.
"I agree." replies Sam.
"Oh, okay I'll check, relax." I reply .
As I tap on the Instagram icon on my phone, the first photo that comes up is of the Malaysian forein exchange student. She was looking beautiful, with a boy kissing her neck from behind. I have to admit that it is the cutest couple photo I have seen today, until I notice the boy.He had a familiar tuft of dirty blonde hair. And a familiar bright green eyes. The boy is Connor.
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Author: Hey guys that is all I got for today
Leah: What the hell! You HAVE to tell them how I felt about this.
Author: Yeah okay, that is for another day
Leah: No! It is for today!
Author: FINE
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I feel broken inside. I always knew that Connor didn't mean it when he said "You are the only one I will ever love." But I feel devastated as I find out my predictions were true, shouldn't I be glad? I am indeed shocked to know that he didn't even need half a month to get over me. I told myself a million times I that I was over him, I didn't care about him anymore. But who am I kidding. He was a crazy psycotic idiot, and I loved him. Whatever.