"Fuck off!"
Carmela threw her phone across the practice room and readied her stance once again. She swung her arms around her hips and artistically rolled on the floor, moving to the jazzy beat.
Her heart yearned for dancing, ever since it had helped her recover from her mental state. That was years ago, though Carmela had promised to never remind herself of her past experiences, because honestly she thought it was pointless. Why stay drowning in the past when you're breathing right now in the present?
As the music came to a stop, so did she and she flipped her head back redoing her sloppy bun. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she walked across the spacious room and bent down to pick up her nagging phone.
*56 missed calls from Aunt Kass*
Carmela groaned and rubbed her thumb along the edges of her iPhone, thankful it hadn't broken.
Her Aunt was always bugging her about another date or another meditation meeting. She was obsessed with the idea that if Carmela was not alone, she would be safe. But she should have figured by now that Carmela had definitely learned her lesson and wasn't stupid anymore.
Well, wasn't as stupid anymore.
Still she shuddered at the thought of harming herself again, especially when she vaguely remembered the blurred look on her Aunt's face as she held her hand in the ambulance.
For a moment, Carmela felt a terrible ache in her heart for her Aunt as she recalled those horrific memories. Aunt Kass had always been there for her, ever since she was left alone by the world, struggling to breathe.
She stood from her kneeling position and dialed her aunt's number as she walked into the change room. Aunt Kass quickly picked up and Carmela was greeted with a shriek from the woman on the other side of the phone.
"Carmela Lee! Do you know how many times I have called you? You think I have the time to make that many calls? That I just sit around all day pressing the call button for no reason? No! Obviously I have something to say, so you pick up the phone when you're called, unders-"
Carmela placed her cell phone on the bench as her Aunt continued yelling and gathered her clothes in front of her. She kicked off her soft shoes and put the phone on speaker when she sensed all was calm.
"Look, when I'm practicing, YOU can't interrupt me! It literally messes up my whole dance, and the moment I'm in! Why can't you understand that?" She replied, struggling to slide her leggings off.
"Alright, okay, now l-listen... Come home right this instant, okay? Hurry." The phone hung up and Carmela rolled her eyes, peeling her tank top from her sweaty body.
She slowly looked down at the pink scars on her thighs and shivered, quickly popping her head back up again.
Quickly, she switched to a sparkly white bra and pulled on a thin fuzzy white sweater and faded ripped jeans. Shoving her phone in her back pocket, she grabbed her black bag and stomped out the door, annoyed at her Aunt's constant orders.
The wind outside was chilly but the air was warm, as Carmela stepped beside the bus stop, folding her arms.
It had taken her a full year until her crazy Aunt had let her travel without that snoopy old driver. Honestly she wondered if anyone thought of her as a 19 year old girl. Ever since that tragic incident, her friends, her Aunt, even the driver her Aunt had hired for no reason (except to seem rich) have pitied her and treated her like a middle schooler. No one thought she was capable of regaining herself because of what she had done to herself, but can people not move past that? Will you only ever be defined by the past?
Those cuts she had sliced into the skin of her thighs... it was the past... and it was a haunting mistake.
The bus screeched to a stop in front of her and she stepped in following the small crowd that had joined her at the stop. She climbed on and moved to take the empty seat behind the driver, but she noticed she was followed by a frail elder woman, who was looking around for a seat. Carmela sighed and shuffled over, gesturing for the elder to take her spot.
"My my, thankyou dear angel! Didn't know the youth still had good hearts..." Her wrinkly mouth stretched into a smile as she seated herself comfortably in the empty seat.
Carmela gazed around, standing in the aisle and walked down towards the end of the bus. She spotted an empty seat beside a brown haired boy, with bangs that covered the tops of his shadowed eyes and a black mask that covered all the way up to the bring of his nose. He was slumped in his seat, with Air Pods plugged into his pierced ears.
Carmela dropped down next to him and lay her bag on her lap as the bus lurched forward. There was a slight musical beat coming from the person beside her and Carmela groaned as she realized what the song was.
"Killin' me now, killin' me now, do you hear me yeah.." The tinny voice of the song reached Carmela's ears and she scoffed at how loud the song must've been for her to be able to hear it.
She turned her head and peered over the boy, out the window, wondering what Aunt Kass had in store for her back home. She didn't usually call her home like this, she'd usually send her the location of a date or therapy session and threaten that she'd ruin her dance career if she didn't go. One time, when Carmela was on a date with an annoying girl she was about to get rid of, she literally spotted the old driver Jerome snooping with a menu in his face at the next table over.
The bus steamed to a spot and Carmela jerked forwards before standing from her spot. The weird masked and hooded boy stood at the same time and their elbows bumped, knocking Carmela's bag to the muddy floor between their feet.
"No, fuck..." She swore, picking up her bag and glanced at the boy, expecting an apology.
But he simply brushed past her and stepped along the aisle before getting off the bus.
Carmela scoffed and pouted her lip angrily as she wiped the mud covered strap of her purse with her hand. People moved past her and exited the bus, as more people stepped on, so Carmela quickly weaved in and out of the weary people before jumping off the vehicle, holding her bag by the clean strap.
The air outside was fresh and the smell of stinking dew reached her nostrils as she strolled a few blocks before walking along the pathway to her front door. She spotted the sign under the living room window and shifted her eyes to the floor.
*Super Carmela will change the world!*
Her dad had helped her carve those signature words of hers into the thin wooden panel hanging by a piece of withering rope under the windowsill. Her dad. She scoffed again and pursed her lips as she dug out the key from the pocket of her jeans.
As soon as she opened the door, her heart sank.
Aunt Kass was tear stained kneeling in front of the T.V. screen. The skinny old driver was there too, and her friend Jules were seated on the dark living room couch, peering at the screen. Carmela dropped her bag, kicked off her black sneakers and rushed over to Aunt Kass. She knelt beside her and patted her back.
"Aunt Kass! What's wrong? What happe-"
Her voice got stuck in her throat as she caught the words of the news reporter on the T.V. and she snapped her head to the side, gazing in shock.
"-couldn't quite make the landing, sinking into the Gulph of Mexico. There seems to have been a shut down in communication with the pilots but we can now see that the local police and health care team are on their way to the crash sight. All we can do is hope those passengers are safe and-Woah! Oh my-the plane seems to have... detonated in the water! Oh-the COUR helicopters are retreating... The smoke is rising... Oh! The-it's sinking! What can we expect from this destruction? It's unbelievable... The people, the passengers-" The man spoke fast in horror as the live camera of the sight captured the events he recalled.
Aunt Kass broke into a hysterical sob and Carmela stayed frozen in spot.
Her eyes scanned the corners of the screen for the name of the plane. When her sight fell on bolded letters on the ribbon at the bottom of the screen she collapsed and felt a painful pulse pound through her.
*LIVE: Merida to Chicago 4:00 pm United Airline plane, suffers severe crash in Gulph of Mexico waters, sinking and exploding*
The T.V. is switched off and Carmela feels Jules' hands creeping up her shoulders. Her vision swayed and her head felt cloudy and she shivered as she heard her Aunt's sobs turn into screams. Jerome stayed beside her, patting her back gently.
Carmela blinked her stinging eyes and opened her mouth but her dry throat couldn't let any sound come through.
"My-my Luis! How... My little brother..." Aunt Kass rocked on her knees, as the tears hit Carmela, stinging the bridge of her nose and gushing in warm paths down her cheeks.
Her dad was on that plane. The plane that blew up in the middle of the sea... was the one her dad was flying home on. He was going to visit them, leaving his partner behind for a few days. He would have been here, he would've arrived in just a couple of hours.
A sob escaped Carmela as she curled up on the floor clutching her stomach. As much as she despised that man, as much as she hated how he had brought endless pain into her life, still she cried for him.
She swiped a hand over her wet mouth and face, and sniffed her nose, turning to the sobbing woman beside her. The woman who had taken her in, who had considered her as her daughter, who had been through all of the pain with her when no one else was there, who had sobbed with her when her toddler-self had found her mother's bloodied arms drenched in the covers of her bed.
Carmela crept closer to Aunt Kass and embraced her. They both collapsed against one another, crying in each other's arms once again.