A sharp sting on her cheek jerked Carmela awake, and a throbbing pain pounded in her skull as she fluttered her eyes open. It was bright, too bright, and it took her a few moments to regain her vision. God, her hurting brain was beating out of her mind, pounding like crazy. She slowly sat up from what she assumed was her bed, and rubbed her eyes. Memories of the wild night came flooding back and Carmela groaned as she realized what she had done. Fucking Hosi? What was she thinking? Oh, right. She wasn't.
Her eyes flew open, and her vision cleared as she remembered the jerk she had also reunited with. That asshole Taehyung made her want to rip her hair out, as she recalled his weird attitude. How on earth did she stay quiet? Why didn't she fuck him up when he talked like she was a criminal? Was she just drunk, or had her dad's death shocked the words out of her?
Her dad. She had almost forgotten what had happened, but before the depressed shivers could return and add to her headache, she quickly shut them out and reminded herself of the pain that the man had given her and her mom. The pain that she'd almost drowned in last year. The pain that had left scars on her legs and wounds in her heart.
The pain that was given to her by none other but her dad.
Carmela lifted her head from her hands and looked around her messy, dark coloured room. She jumped slightly as she saw Jules in her gold dress, slumped and snoozing in the fuzzy armchair of the desk and climbed out of bed.
"Jules? Hey!" She softly poked Jules' cheek and her friend's head rolled awake.
She stared wide eyed at Carmela before suddenly standing from the chair and walked towards the door. Carmela frowned. What was up with her? She quickly followed Jules' out the door of her stuffy room, and called after her.
"Hey! What's going on? Are you okay, did something happen?"
Carmela tried to recall out of her hurting head something that she had done, but could only remember the "sex with best friend's step-brother shit" and had already apologized for that and made up. Jules never acted like this before, all silent and ignoring her. Carmela didn't even think Jules knew what fucking "silent treatment" was!
She reached out and stopped Jules, placing a firm hand on her shoulder.
"Dude, what the fuck? Are you still mad at me because of last night? Honestly Jules, it meant nothing! And even if it did, why is it such a big deal? I never expected you to react like this."
Jules turned around, with a small smile on her face.
She held Carmela's hand before saying, "I know Carmela. Girl, I ain't mad! My mom called me last night and told me to get home asap 'cause she needed help with Hosi's drunk ass. I might've slept here by accident..."
She grinned as Carmela breathed a sigh a relief. She was relieved and knew that there would be an explanation. Heather would probably get more mad if Jules didn't leave right away, so it made sense... sort of? But she brushed off her confusion and grinned back at her friend.
"Why would I be mad about you and Hosi hooking up? I mean, that ain't my business, girl, and I sure as fuck don't want it to be! Now I gotta leave before mom freaks." Jules smiled again, and turned to the front door, pulling on her white Nike sneakers.
Carmela crossed her arms and couldn't help but feel uneasy. At Jules yes, but also the fact that she had just fucked Hosi. Ew, it sounded unbelievable in her head and she shuddered, wondering how she was gonna face his cocky attitude. She added one more mistake to the list of things she did because of her dad, and frowned as she realized she thought of him again.
Jules stood up and abruptly turned around.
"O-oh my God! Shit, I can't believe I forgot to tell you! Carmela, your fucking audition! It-it was moved to noon-12 o'clock, like you got a call on your cell last night when you were passed out in bed and... Ugh I should've woken you." She scrambled for words as she spoke fast.
Carmela's breath stopped.
Nausea spilled into her stomach as she froze, engulfed in confusion. Her audition? The audition? The one she had been preparing for, for months, th-that was today! RIGHT NOW? In a few fucking hours, what was she going do?
She found her voice again and ran up to Jules, grabbing her by the shoulders.
"W-wait, are you.. are you serious? Jules! What the hell am I supposed to do! I have to change a-and get the papers and review my dance choreo and practice one more time... AH WHAT TIME IS IT?!" Carmela sprinted to her room as Jules yelled down the hall.
"It's 11! You got almost an hour, you'll be fine! Good luck Carmela, I love you and I'm sorry!"
Carmela heard the front door slam shut and groaned. "No no no no... I can't believe this...".
Panic and the pain from the hangover, teamed up and murdered her together, stabbing and squeezing her mind. How could she have known it would be today? She wouldn't have drank so much if she knew! The audition was going to be a fucking mess...
Her aunt slipped in the doorway and frowned as Carmela scrambled around her room for her papers and clothing she needed for the audition.
"Carmela? What happened? What was Jules going on about?" Her voice was soft, cracking from fatigue and sadness.
Carmela glanced at her aunt briefly while fishing out her black leggings and black athletic t-shirt out of her overflowing drawer.
"The audition is today! With the, um-the..." She couldn't think of the company name and swore at her racing mind. "The fucking place that's hiring new choreographers! My career is ruined, Aunt Kass... its blown up into tiny little pieces and shoved up my ass..."
Her bag fell lightly from her hand and her nose stung as tears gathered in her eyes. But she brushed them off and resumed stuffing her application papers in her bag. She hated crying. Especially in front of people. It was too much of herself that she revealed and uncovered the emotional side of her that was under the tough wall she'd built around herself.
"Don't worry, my love. I know that you'll be stunning no matter the circumstances. Don't be discouraged mija." Her aunt looked slightly shocked but wore a sweet reassuring look.
Carmela gave a small smile and brushed her bangs out of her wet eyes, sniffing.
Aunt Kass was right. She was Carmela Lee.
She had been through every crazy damn thing, of course she would get through this too. Hopefully. Her career as a choreographer would start at this audition and an opportunity like this didn't come everyday. No one hired new choreographers for starting bands, it could ruin their chance of success. Carmela had put her entire soul and heart into the dance she had taken months perfecting. The audition would go well.
It had to.
Carmela looked up at the door and realized her aunt had left. Her heart throbbed as she realized the pain Aunt Kass must be going through. A death was not easy to get through, especially considering the bond Aunt Kass had with her little brother. Carmela would never fully understand the strong love between siblings, but she sure felt something stronger and purer than any friendship with Jules.
She shuddered at the thought of someday losing Jules and shook her head, rushing over to the bed on which she lay her clothes. She pushed the door closed and changed into her black athletic wear, and tied her long blonde hair into a straight ponytail, brushing her bangs down. She ran to the bathroom down the hall and quickly sprayed spritz of deodorant under her shirt.
As she was about to leave the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and gasped, bringing her hands to her mouth. Her right cheek-bone was coloured a faint purple splotch, and Carmela finally realized why her face was aching.
"No no fuck..." She almost burst into frustrated tears as she smacked on concealer. Quickly patting the small bruise on her cheek, she wiped the wetness from her eyes and figured she looked good enough.
After all, the audition was about her ability to choreograph, not her appearance.
She returned to her room and grabbed her purple bag, stuffing her grey Adidas sneakers into the pocket. Checking the time on her dying phone, she screamed internally when it read '11:26'. She looked at her room one more time, hoping she hadn't forgotten something, and marched down to the old driver's room by the garage. Jerome would be able to drive her to the audition gym today and she hoped he would damn fast because it was like a 20 minute ride from here.
The skinny man wearily opened the door as Carmela impatiently rapped her knuckles against the light wood.
"Jerome! I need a ride to my audition quick! Lets go, grab your keys!" She turned and ran to the front door as Jerome entered the garage and started up his car.
Carmela shoved her feet into her black shoes as Aunt Kass walked around the corner approaching her.
"All set to go? Go and show them what you got, my beautiful angel." She lightly patted her head and Carmela took a deep breath, tightening her grip on her bag.
This was it.
This was her chance to actually begin her life. It would either go really good or really fucking bad.
Her heart beat out of her chest, and she felt a nervous ache in her stomach. Her head wasn't too clear either, and she panicked at her bodily state for a moment, even considering to just forget the whole audition. Until her aunt spoke again.
"Your mom. She would've been so proud... Even more proud than me." Aunt Kass shut her eyes for second. "She is with you wherever you go, you know that right, Carmela?" She gave her a quick hug before wiping the moisture from her makeup-less eyes.
Carmela smiled and lifted her chin with a sudden surge of confidence. She was gonna do this. And kill it. All that practice couldn't just go to waste, now could it? With a final word of goodbye, Carmela stepped outside and sat in the air conditioned car.
As Jerome drove them, Carmela couldn't help but think of that tall, curly haired, stupid ass bartender from last night. She didn't think anyone could be more stupid than him, and she almost smiled, remembering how he dramatically touched his curly hair as he whined.
She shuddered and cleared her throat, reminding herself how utterly stupid and weird he was. Stalking? Killing her in her sleep? Either she was too drunk and heard wrong or he had a seriously fucked up sense of humour. Or neither.
She rested her aching head against the vibrating window after dozens of minutes passed, but jerked back up when she realized Jerome had stopped the car in front of a bigass block of windows. Was this the place? Hmm pretty private, eh?
Carmela nervously climbed out of the car and rushed towards the building, glancing at her phone.
Ten minutes... ten minutes!
She prayed the other people auditioning hadn't come early, as she crashed through the entrance. She was a mess of scrambled breaths as the pretty lady at the front desk pointed her into the room where all the judges and auditioners were gathered.
Carmela sighed miserably. Fuck, everyone was already here! She felt nauseous and feared an anxiety attack was approaching, as she shuffled over to the room.
As soon as she entered, all of the heads in the long mirror-walled room, turned to her. She cleared her throat nervously, stepping beside the small crowd of people wearing numbered paper on their fronts. Her face felt hot and her throat dry, as she felt their eyes on her. Slowly lifting her head she peered up and saw a row of tables at the far back of the room, behind which five judges were seated.
Fucking hell Jules, why didn't you wake me up... way to make an entrance... I'm gonna be humiliated...
One of the women at the table was standing and Carmela assumed she had been talking. The tall, thin young woman was dressed in a blue jumpsuit and her white-blonde hair was pulled into braids at either side of her head. Her hard stare intimidated Carmela slightly, but she didn't break it.
"You. Why are you late?" She asked.
Carmela nervously coughed, searching for words.
"I-um... I was caught in traffic." She nodded her head up and down, as she squeezed out the excuse. The woman looked at the bald judge beside her and said something that was too hard to hear from across the long room. The woman glanced back at Carmela, who shifted her bag awkwardly in her hands.
"Alright. Come and get a number please." She gestured for Carmela to come near and pointed to a stack of papers in front of a curly haired judge at the end of the table.
No. It couldn't be.
Carmela walked across the long room cautiously, keeping her eye on the dark curly haired judge. The blonde woman continued talking, "Now, as I was saying..."
But Carmela couldn't hear her. Her widened eyes were locked on the equally shocked pale face of the judge as she neared the table. She stepped directly in front of it and his hand shook while holding the numbered paper in front of her.
T-Taehyung? Fuck.