I wish I held her closer
I wish I would of told her I loved her more
I wish I showed her more of me
I wish I never kept that journal
I wish I could of been the one to tell her
I wish I could of been the one to say yeah I'm fucked
I will always be this way
But I can't
I can't take back what we said
We had our first fight
About a girl I had to bury so long ago
I wanted her to just drop it
Just leave the past in the past
But Star is persistent
So when the black book came to her hands
And she flipped to the right page
Cathy Vasquez
All in dark letters
She asked who she was
Why is she dead
And why am I blaming myself for her death
What happened
She yelled several times
And I just looked at her
Turned it around on her that fucking secrets are meant to be secrets
And that she is supposed to love me for who I am right now
"But you know all of my secrets
So why can't you just tell me this"
I take a deep breath in
"Look I wasn't meaning to fall for someone
I wasn't meaning to even get attached but I did
She was a book worm
A nerd as my friends called her
Blond hair blue eyes
She was so beautiful
And you know what I was
A straight up dick to her
I fucked her so many times
And would treat her like trash
I even got her parents to hate her
I changed her to the core
And you wanna know what she did
She turned a gun on herself
She pulled the trigger
She killed herself
Because she couldn't handle the world
I could of made it better
I could of been nicer
Was I
No I was dick
A pathetic selfish person
And I wanted to have her around to fill my selfish needs
And she will never get to be on this earth again
I fucked up"
I'm crying
This shit hurts so bad
I think my heart is breaking
Because although her parents say it's okay
I'm not
"The cops blamed me for a moment because they found me in her room
And I was the only one home with her
But I didn't kill her
And when they finger printed the gun
My prints were found
But so many people still I thought I did it
They said I treated her like shit
I didn't care about her
I made her do it
People ruined my car
The bullied me
And then we moved here
If god ever planed on sending me an angel
It was Star
She listened
She held me
She felt my pain
My burden
She held me all night long
She made me feel whole
God
I fucken loved this women
Nothing
Could fuck up this bond we had