"We're receiving complaints from the sponsor," Nishioka informed him. "They're threatening to cancel the campaign or replace you."
"I see," Takumi said disinterestedly. He didn't get a good sleep the night before. He couldn't muster a grain of motivation to fix the problem.
"You're not being yourself lately."
Did he detect concern in Nishioka's voice?
Takumi laughed.
The lines on Nishioka's forehead deepened, as did his voice. "What's wrong? I've never pried – you won't let me. But you need to tell me so that I can fix it."
Takumi had never seen him so troubled. He mused, "You're that worried?"
"I am, you ass," Nishioka bit out. "We've been together for what? Half your life?"
He was right. Theirs was the longest relationship that Takumi had with anyone outside familial ties.
Despite their constant snapping at each other or whatever monetary motivations which drove Nishioka, he cleaned up every single mess and stood by Takumi throughout the years.
This time, he had no excuse for his behavior. Not turning up at the set on time. Ignoring the crew. Not engaging with the company.
The content he created was deplorable even as Takumi stuck to the script. The lack of interest could not be hidden by any clever lines or a pretty face.
HIS conduct was disgraceful.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. There was nothing else to say. He didn't know how to explain to Nishioka that he was barely functioning and that all he wanted to do was to lock himself up in his room.
Nishioka stared at him.
"Take some time off," he advised finally.
"What about the filming?" Takumi asked.
"I'll try to persuade them to postpone it. We'll just mention health reasons."
Takumi could pay off any termination of contract but he didn't want to cause Nishioka problems.
He offered sincerely, "Just replace me. Fuyuki is a good choice. Or Junpei?"
Nishioka smacked his head. Hard. He said gruffly, "Don't be foolish. You're not that replaceable."
Takumi was touched. He was also not sure he deserved that kind of consideration.
"I'm so sorry," he repeated. "I'll…fix it."
Nishioka stood up. "I'll let myself out. Just take care of yourself."
Takumi nodded.
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He couldn't fix the problem. So he evaded it.
Takumi made up every excuse in the book to avoid meeting up with Akira.
Work. Parties. Commitments.
He ensured that his voice over the phone remained cheerful.
Akira's last message to him was to the point. He wasn't buying any of it.
'What's wrong?'
Takumi closed the message in frustration.
It was becoming increasingly painful to be near the man.
Even so, Takumi would never feel as safe or calm with anyone else.
He wanted to ask Akira if he knew. How he held Takumi's world on a constant axis, never allowing it to tilt into madness. How he anchored Takumi every time when Takumi wanted to step over the cliff.
Or how much Takumi loved him.
He was only shaken out of his comatose self-pity by a call from Keigo.
"Hi."
"Back in country. Catch up soon?"
"Tonight?" Takumi said immediately. Keigo was always full of outrageous remarks and tales. He would provide an easy and safe distraction.
"Sure, why not? I'm bored anyway," Keigo agreed. "Usual place?"
"No," Takumi said too quickly and if Keigo found it odd, he didn't comment.
"Alright. I'll think of somewhere."
xxxxxxxx
Keigo gave him a single glance when he arrived at the designated bar and ordered a stiff drink for him at once.
"I look like shit. I know," Takumi said as he slipped into the seat at the counter. Since it was members only, the place was still relatively empty.
"It's grating how good you still look," Keigo offered generously. "A bit worn, that's all."
"Very kind of you," Takumi noted.
"It's the truth," Keigo shrugged. "Care to share?"
"Nothing much. Trouble at work," Takumi lied.
If Keigo didn't believe him, he didn't persist. "There's always trouble at work. On days where there isn't, that's when I am worried."
"You love it. The adrenalin," Takumi reminded him.
"I do," Keigo agreed. "It's…uncomplicated in a way."
That it was. Although the drive which Keigo demonstrated in the last two years was extreme even by his standard. He was like a machine charged with overloaded batteries.
Not unlike Akira. Just that Akira wasn't loud about it and he wasn't driven by the rush. He approached everything with a methodical lens. Every detail was a step towards accomplishing the goal he had set for himself.
Why was he still thinking about Akira? Takumi took a swig of the probably exorbitantly priced whisky.
He changed topics. "I'm surprised that you're alone tonight."
The amount of whoring which Keigo did was impressive or despicable, depending on one's moral tendencies.
"Sometimes even I want do not want a stranger in my bed."
"You're vile."
"At least I am honest," Keigo said with a wicked smile. "Besides, I haven't seen you for ages. What have you been up to lately?"
Possibly destroying his career, his relationship with the love of his life and perhaps himself in the process.
Takumi replied, "I am in an annoying apathy and it's affecting my work. Maybe I am bored too."
"I've not heard that from you for a while," Keigo noted curiously. "You've not been bored since…actually, since you went to college."
That was true. And it was cutting close again to what Takumi did not wish to discuss.
"What about you?" he asked.
Keigo looked at him oddly but went on to deliver a report of his recent activities. From anyone else, Takumi would suspect embellishment. From Keigo, it was just a day's work and play.
He would usually be humored and their conversation was always littered with jabs and swipes.
Today, Takumi couldn't find the energy to do any of that.
Keigo was astute. He didn't probe.
Midway through their conversation, Keigo's phone rang. He stood up. "Sorry, need to take this."
"Sure."
Takumi checked his own phone while Keigo stepped away.
He wished he hadn't.
A couple of missed calls from Akira. A new message.
'Can we meet up? I have something to tell you.'
He didn't want to meet up. He didn't want to know. It was juvenile but Takumi didn't have it in him to hear about the news in person.
This was a charade that Takumi didn't want to play anymore.
He downed the drink to hold back tears.
Keigo returned and noticed that something was wrong. He glanced at the phone held tightly in Takumi's palm.
Takumi called for the check.
"Let's go back to my place. I want to get smashed and you're going to help me."
"That bad?" Keigo inquired. Takumi couldn't tell whether he was amused or resigned.
"Yes," he replied.
Keigo raised an eyebrow. "I see. Well, happy to oblige."